


Seasons Change

by civillove



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Out With a Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 05:37:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 54,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4292760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine thinks that expression about seasons and people is all wrong—seasons change but people inherently do too. Blaine’s relationship with Sebastian develops over a series of seasons a Tuesday after he breaks up with Kurt. They’re just friends…except for the fact that they’ve never really been just friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Seasons Change  
> Author: civillove  
> Artist: GleekMom (thank you so much! It’s gorgeous :))  
> Pairing: Blaine Anderson / Sebastian Smythe  
> Rating: NC-17  
> Genre: Romance, General  
> Warning: The usual that comes with NC-17 fics; swear words, orgasms, naked guys, angst and seblaine giving people heart palpitations  
> Word count: 53,916  
> Notes: To Angela, thanks for always being supportive and lovely and for reading through this disaster every step of the way. So many sock bouquets for you!  
> Summary: Blaine thinks that expression about seasons and people is all wrong—seasons change but people inherently do too. Blaine’s relationship with Sebastian develops over a series of seasons a Tuesday after he breaks up with Kurt. They’re just friends…except for the fact that they’ve never really been just friends.

He breaks up with Kurt on a Tuesday.

It’s been coming to this point for a long time; he could feel it in the distance between them and the ache that it leaves in his muscles. He does it more out of the fact that he knows Kurt was going to, that it was only a matter of time, and that he’d rather shatter himself than allow his boyfriend (now his ex) to slam him with a sledgehammer into a million pieces.

It still hurts anyways, the knowing in Kurt’s eyes, the stillness. The fact that he doesn’t even react in a way that’s reassuring, that spurs hope. That maybe they could fix this thing only if they tried that much harder. Gave that much more effort.

But Kurt just nods and that understanding gaze just makes him angry.

He still holds onto that selfish thread of optimism; clings to it like a lifeline until Kurt disappears to New York. The thread is suddenly long enough to wrap around his neck and choke him. He thought he’d be okay, because he’s the one who did the breaking; he thinks it won’t take him long to work through the love of his life being gone. Having vanished, from Lima, from him.

After a while, it’s like Kurt doesn’t even remember he existed. His timeline and Instagram and Twitter feed are void of him, of friendliness, of everything that’s ever made them…well, _them._

An _us._

He thinks after a month or two he’ll be okay. That pain will fade with time.

Blaine’s not wrong but the hurt is still there, just a little bit. Waiting like a rabid animal at the bottom of his sternum, nipping at his ribs. It rears its ugly head, teeth bare, at the most unexpected moments.

He waits for the day when it won’t happen anymore. When he’s okay and feels whole again.

000

He runs into Sebastian, someone who he hasn’t thought of for a very long time, on another Tuesday.

It’s been a while since they’ve seen or even spoken to one another. Sebastian texted sometimes but Blaine hadn’t had the energy to reply to them because he knew exactly where it would lead.

And he can’t…or well, he _couldn’t_ , allow himself to feel that way when he was in a relationship. When Kurt was his world. Because it’s far too confusing (it’s not really, but he prefers allowing himself to pretend it is) and complicated and he’s tired of arguing over and back again about someone who’s as simple as he is complex at the same time.

Blaine watches him from his table at the Lima Bean, eyes glancing over long hard lines as he orders his coffee and shamelessly flirts with the barista. His stomach flip flops in a way that’s all too familiar and it takes him a moment to realize that he’s _missed_ him. It’s little things that he really shouldn’t miss but he can’t help but work them over in his head, one after the other as he watches Sebastian pay for his latte and lean against the counter.

Like how…they used to be able to talk about everything and _anything._ It wasn’t just limited to Broadway shows or New York or Vogue or vague promises about their future. Not really. Or how he’d always wake up to a text from Sebastian, something to make him laugh usually but other times it’d be a flirtatious comment that made his cheeks burn. He’s missed inklings about him, the shameless flirting, the heady scent of his cologne, that smirk that twitches at the ends of his mouth when he wants to say something snide but doesn’t. Tiny touches against his hand or waist that somehow meant nothing but _everything_ at the same time.

He never really took it all very seriously, Sebastian tended to flirt with anything that had a pulse point. But…he did _like_ that Sebastian made him feel wanted, or talented or special.

He doesn’t want it to sound like Kurt never made him feel those things because he did. But it was few and far between and sometimes disheartening. Even though he hates to admit it, their relationship wasn’t balanced like it was supposed to be. As much as it appeared to be.

Blaine sits up straighter in his seat as Sebastian starts to walk with his coffee to a table, satchel over his shoulder. He must have come here to do homework; he remembers back when they used to talk that he tried to crank out most of his school work here.

His home life was rarely a topic for discussion but he got the feeling that it wasn’t the most welcoming of places. Blaine has never visited his house before. He knows just by the conversations they used to have that Sebastian’s house felt like something he could detach from himself. Like it was a place he lived but it wasn’t by any means a _home._

He feels guilt settle into his ribcage as Sebastian’s eyes look up and spot him. Blaine does this sort of weak wave, he’s not even sure he’ll acknowledge him because he’s wedged so much time and space between them.

He had _wanted_ to be friends…but he figures it’s hard for anyone to be ‘just friends’ with a boy like Sebastian. And Kurt hadn’t trusted him so it was either distance himself from Sebastian or create an even bigger chasm between him and his boyfriend. He chose the former.

Blaine regrets that decision among many others.

Sebastian pauses for a fraction of a second before approaching him; like he’s not sure he should but then does it anyways. He’s missed that sort of bravado, even though he knows half of that is probably fabricated.

“I saw you staring at me from across the room.” He smiles slowly and Blaine’s stomach does a fizzled swoop.

He scolds his body for betraying him so easily and swallows down the sensation before giving him a soft smile. “I bet you say that to all the boys.”

“Just the cute ones with wonderful asses who don’t text me back.”

Ouch. And there it is. “Okay I…I totally deserve…that one.” He frowns, that familiar confusing washing over him as Sebastian does that thing where he seamlessly gives him a compliment and insults him at the same time. He looks at the table because suddenly the pattern of the wood is far more interesting than Sebastian’s face.

“Don’t sweat it, killer,” Sebastian says, moving his satchel and coffee from the other table to join Blaine at his. “I figured Saint Hummel had a lot to do with that. It speaks to my blindingly handsome looks and sparkling personality if you had to stop talking to me because the boyfriend said so.”

He grins in a way that shouldn’t be appealing and yet it is, completely smug and almost charming, green eyes alight with amusement.

“I’m assuming we’re safe if Kurt’s in New York.” He runs his thumb over the lid of his coffee cup.

Blaine sighs, patiently, leaning back in his seat. “Think we’re safe anyways, Kurt probably doesn’t even care what I’m up to. We broke up.”

Sebastian doesn’t say anything for a long moment but his demeanor changes almost instantly. You have to know him well enough to notice it, and Blaine thinks he does, his shoulders drop a little, his expression thoughtful as he looks at him, corners of his mouth dipping.

His voice is a lot softer than he expects when he speaks. “Well. I’d say I’m sorry about that, but I’m not.”

Blaine laughs, can’t help it because that is _so_ what he should have anticipated Sebastian saying. “I didn’t think you would be.”

“Who did the breaking?” Sebastian leans forward in his seat, elbows now on the table.

Blaine plays with his empty coffee cup in front of him, wanting a refill for a while now and just never getting up to get one. He gets lost for a moment in the clear green of Sebastian’s eyes, counts the freckles on his cheekbones, slight pink brush strokes there. He swallows, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage. Right, of course. How could he forget this is textbook when it comes to Sebastian and how he makes him feel.

It hadn’t been just Kurt’s idea that it’d be a good idea for Blaine to stop talking to him; and this is exactly why.

“I did.” Blaine says but his voice isn’t as strong as he wants it to be answering that question. He wants it to sound like he’s made a good decision, like he doesn’t regret the choices he’s made but it doesn’t.

“We were just…going in two different directions. I could feel it when he looked at me. The distance…” He shakes his head, chancing a look up at Sebastian. He shrugs his one shoulder.

“I mean I get it. He has New York to think about and—”

“Don’t make excuses for him.” Sebastian waves his hand, a no-nonsense tone about him. “If you want to make it work, you do. It’s as simple as that.”

“It’s not always that simple.” Blaine tries to argue but he knows Sebastian is right, at least, it feels that way in his gut. If Kurt cared enough, if he loved him enough—they would have found a way to make it work. Right? Or at least given them a semblance of a chance?

“It’s that simple for me.” Sebastian says, giving him a soft smile.

Blaine smirks, can’t help it. “Isn’t everything?” There’s a smile to his tone but it’s also wounded in ways he can’t pinpoint. Sebastian seems to sense it too because he just hums softly but says nothing for a few moments.

His eyes flicker down to Blaine’s empty coffee cup and back up to hazel that’s usually a warmer honey color.

“Do you want another coffee?” He asks, hand reaching across the table before Blaine can reply. His fingers graze the outside of his wrist, static electricity snaking up his spine at the simple touch.

His tone of voice asks a different question _You did the breaking but who’s the one that’s broken?_ but all Blaine does is give him a small grateful smile before nodding his head, pushing his cup towards him.

“Yeah, please.”

Sebastian smirks and takes the cup, moving towards the barista counter. He doesn’t ask what kind of coffee he wants because he remembers—medium drip with a sprinkle of cinnamon. It doesn’t mean anything that Blaine recalls exactly how the other takes his coffee too. It doesn’t.

And if he doesn’t feel the same grim way about Tuesdays anymore when he leaves the Lima Bean, well, he just blames that on the free coffee.

000

It’s a slow and steady process but he and Sebastian start talking to one another again. It’s hesitant and unhurried, like a crack in a dam. Drips at first, hints at crumbling, before water seeps through—continuous until everything snaps. Bursts open. Explodes.

Yeah. That’s probably a really good way to describe his friendship with Sebastian.

It’s a crisp and blue sky Saturday, and he’s trying to decide if he wants to make omelets or pancakes when his phone buzzes.

 **Unknown Number** 9:30 AM: So I’ve been thinking.

Blaine recognizes the number instantly and before Sebastian has a chance to add on to that text, he sends:

 **Blaine Anderson** 9:32 AM: Wow, such a change of pace for you.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 9:34 AM: Aren’t you unbelievably sassy in the morning ;) cute.

Blaine doesn’t blush over a stupid emoticon. Doesn’t.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 9:35 AM: As I was saying, I was thinking that your senior year should be spent at Dalton. We need a new Warblers Captain…and I honestly can’t think of anyone better.

Blaine sets his phone down on his desk, staring at the text message until his screen goes black. If he’s being honest, he’s been thinking about the same thing. Not so much being Captain of the Warblers but going back to Dalton. He’s trying to think of the last place where he felt like he belonged, where he felt accepted…special. And while McKinley has done so much for him, has transformed him into a completely different person for better or for worse…he thinks it’s time to move on.

After all, he had only left Dalton as a grand gesture to be with Kurt. And Kurt was no longer a factor, heading off to New York to fall in love with another city, another dream, another boy. His friends would understand, wouldn’t they? They’d want the best for him?

He licks his lips and taps his phone back on, typing out a short reply.

 **Blaine Anderson** 9:41 AM: You know I was actually considering that but I just…I don’t know if I belong at Dalton anymore.

The reply is surprisingly fast, like Sebastian might have anticipated Blaine saying something like that.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 9:42 AM: You’re kidding yourself if you don’t think that you’ve always belonged here, Blaine.

Blaine stares at the text for a long time, his heart stuck somewhere between his ribs and his throat. He’s felt that way for a while now, even before he and Kurt broke up. He’s always felt like such an accessory at McKinley, only put on and used when needed. At Dalton he was a _part_ of the school, of the Warblers; a leader, vital, wanted, important.

He doesn’t know why it takes Sebastian telling him what he already knows to make it feel _real_ but it does. He refuses to dwell on that or the fluttering sensation that’s still rolling in waves against the bottom of his sternum since Sebastian texted him.

 **Blaine Anderson** 10:10 AM: I can’t believe you remembered my number.

He says instead, because that seems easier than anything else.

The reply is quick and simple.

 **Sebastian Smythe** 10:11 AM: I never forgot it.

 

 


	2. Summer

SUMMER

So he makes his decision at the beginning of June that he’s going to transfer back to Dalton for his senior year. His parents don’t try to talk him out of it, they seem to understand that this is something that he just needs to do. His mother smiles at him and kisses his cheek, his father squeezes his shoulder and goes into his study to make the arrangements.

Blaine gives them a simple explanation and doesn’t elaborate: “I miss Dalton. I miss the Warblers. I just want to be back there for my senior year.”

What he doesn’t say is: “I just want to be at a place where I can feel like _me_ again.”

His family understands.

His friends don’t.

Blaine should have saw that coming, should have known that they’d look at it as a betrayal, as him giving up. Because it _is_ sort of like that, in a way. It’s just not for the reasons they’re assuming. He’s letting go, he’s _giving up_ feeling like he belongs at McKinley when he doesn’t. He giving up trying to convince himself that he can make it work if he just stays one more day,

one more week

one more month.

And sure, one of the reasons he wants to start fresh is because of Kurt. Because McKinley was their place, it’s a school he moved and switched his entire life around to go to, to _be_ with someone he loved. Because of that, everything reminds him of Kurt. Lockers and classrooms and stages and hallways. Reminds him of the good things, sure, but it’s the _hurt_ and _disappointment_ that resonate the most. None of his so called ‘friends’ seem to understand that.

Not Rachel. Not Artie. Or Tina. Not even Sam when he updates his Facebook information.

He gets tired of trying to explain himself to them; nothing sounds right and the wording is all wrong. They’re too upset or disappointed or angry to even listen to him anyways. Shouldn’t they be supporting him or at least asking him _why_ before jumping all over his case with accusatory glares and long talks about loyalty? He sighs, closing his laptop lid and rubbing his temples, his phone buzzing a bit on his bed.

Blaine moves to go look at the text (nervously because he’s worried it’s another set of text messages from Tina, all in caps) but it’s just…Sebastian.

**Sebastian Smythe** 1:04 PM: Told you that you were always a Dalton Boy ;)

Blaine shakes his head but can’t help but smile. At least someone understands.

000

The month of June bleeds by pretty quickly, days and weeks disappearing into the sweltering sun. The weather has been gorgeous, kind of too hot in a bunch of ways, but Blaine’s found things to keep himself busy without dissolving into a puddle. He’s spent time with Sebastian over the beginning of summer twenty times.

Not that he’s counting, or anything. He’s not.

Just…today is the twenty-first time.

Sebastian is usually the one to initiate it but the more Blaine spends time with him, the more he starts to relax, the more he starts to feel okay around him again. Like they can actually pull this friend thing off this time around. He doesn’t say as much, because saying it out _loud_ changes it somehow. He wants to be friends with Sebastian and he doesn’t at the same time—

is afraid he’s going to hurt him again, or worse, end up the one who’s hurt.

He convinces himself at a certain point that Sebastian is relatively harmless, it’s not like Sam and Tina are even talking to him much anymore—trying to put distance between them, he guesses, for when they end up as rivals when school starts up again.

Blaine can’t even _imagine_ what they’d say if they figured out how much closer he and Sebastian had gotten since he broke up with Kurt. Hello to passive aggressive Facebook updates and angry texts in caps. No thank you.

He’s fine keeping Sebastian to himself. Not like a secret, never like that but…Sebastian makes him feel _good_ about who he is, who he’s slowly becoming by being more independent, about his decisions. He doesn’t feel judged or like he has to explain himself…he can just simply _be._ And that means a lot to him, more than he thinks Sebastian even realizes.

The constant flirting and the flustering or blushing that comes with Sebastian is one thing…but Blaine thinks he can deal with that. He actually sort of likes it. Not the bright red cheeks or the way the other smirks at his predicament but feeling…attractive? Wanted? Yeah. Who wouldn’t like that?

“Remind me again why I keep deciding that hanging out with you is a good idea?” Blaine asks, adjusting his sunglasses as he spreads out on a blanket.

“Because of my stunning personality.” Sebastian says without opening his eyes, leaning back against one of the trees their blanket is against. “And it’s so fucking hot out you were probably hoping I’d take my shirt off in front of you.”

Blaine smiles softly and rolls his eyes, turning to lie on his stomach, facing Sebastian (who still has his shirt on, not that he’s disappointed or anything). “It _is_ hot out.” He says pointedly.

Sebastian opens his eyes at that, sitting up to ruffle the mess that is Blaine’s curls in this heat. “Cheeky, Anderson.”

The shorter huffs quietly and swats his hand away, he turns the book he’s reading (or trying to read and getting immensely distracted) over so he doesn’t lose his place. He has no idea why he brought it along anyways, Sebastian had texted him about hanging out in the park, blanket and all under a tree. The breeze is nice but it’s _humid_ and hot air being blown around while it’s ninety degrees doesn’t do much to cool you down.

“I think I’m melting,” Sebastian complains, pulling his t-shirt away from his chest a moment. “I don’t sweat this much during sex for Christ’s sake.”

Blaine scrunches his nose, slaps the other’s thigh with the back of his hand for too much information. “This was your idea.” He says, looking back down at his book. He contemplates turning it back over and reading while Sebastian continues to complain about the weather.

There’s a certain comfort in that, in sitting on this blanket with Sebastian in the park, under this tree, their bodies close together but not touching except for accidental brushes. He relishes feeling comfortable in his own skin, that they can either talk about anything or nothing at all. Blaine remembers this effortlessness with Sebastian; it hugs him like a long lost friend, like something that’s always been in the back of his memory just _waiting._

“I know, maybe I didn’t want you to spend another _summer_ day holed up in your room, nose in a book.” His long fingers tap against the front cover of the book in front of him.

“Oh, you mean in _air conditioning_?” Blaine snorts. “Right, that sounds so _awful_ right now, thank you for saving me from it.”

“I appreciate a good book as much as the next guy but there are times to read and all summer is not one of them.” Sebastian closes the book and he makes a noise of protest. “You’re using them to hide in, anyways.”

Blaine blushes; he blames it on the heat. “I am not.”

“You _are.”_ Sebastian’s eyebrows lift and Blaine suddenly hates him for knowing him so well like the snap of his fingers. It’s quick, efficient; he can’t be _that_ easy to read, can he? No puns intended as he watches him pick his book up. “You can read all summer long and you’ll still have to take some make up classes for next semester. I highly doubt that _public_ school prepared you for anything let alone senior year.”

He sits up a bit, kneeling; making a move to grab the book but Sebastian yanks it to the side. “I’m not worried about catching up.” He’s not; he’s always been really great at school. At Dalton. It’ll be a lot of hard work and it’s going to be stressful, there’s no doubt about that, but he’s ready.

Blaine glares at him even though he’s forcing down the corners of his mouth so he doesn’t smile as Sebastian continues to hold the book away from him. Quick snaps to the right with his wrist, right out of Blaine’s reach. “Why are you looking at this when you _could_ be staring at me?”

He makes a noise that’s something between a scoff and a laugh. “Did you seriously just say that? Oh yeah, you’re so _tantalizing_ sitting there, melting, complaining about the heat.”

Sebastian waggles his eyebrows and he nearly tumbles into his chest trying to grab his book, there’s a smile that he can’t hide on his face now. The taller hums. “That’s just the foreplay, next I intend on whining about your taste in summer book reading—”

Blaine takes advantage of the moment Sebastian is distracted and launches himself at him, his chest colliding with the other’s, knocking him down from leaning against the tree. Sebastian makes a soft noise as his back hits the grass, laughing as he tightens his hold on the book even though Blaine already has his fingers wrapped around it. Around Sebastian’s hand.

He’s grinning wildly, curls a messed mop on his head, panting gently against Sebastian’s face. Sebastian smirks, his one hand resting on Blaine’s lower back, innocently, not leading to anything more even though he _probably_ could cop a feel and get away with it.

“Give me my book back.” Blaine says, can feel Sebastian breathing against his chest, how his ribs dig into his own, stomach pressing into midsection.

The taller huffs out a small laugh, breath speckling Blaine’s face. It smells like toothpaste, wintergreen, it does weird things to his stomach.

“If I would have known this was the reaction I was going to get I would have taken your book a lot sooner.”

Blaine didn’t really feel hot before, didn’t feel the heat press into the pores of his skin, making sweat gather at the back of his neck. But now? _Now_ he feels hot _._ Like he’s melting.

He eventually rolls off of him when he hears an ice cream truck approaching, because wow, _yes,_ ice cream sounds like heaven right now even though it’ll probably dissolve the minute he gets it out of the wrapper. But Sebastian offers to buy and it’s something perfect to distract from the heat.

Except he still feels that same _melting_ feeling down to his very bones as he sits with Sebastian and eats ice cream, eyes wandering over to him to watch his lips wrap around his popsicle. He has no idea whether that’s a good thing or an _incredibly_ bad thing.

000

Blaine watches Sebastian’s mouth open and close like a goldfish and feels that familiar sense of blush rise onto his cheeks and sneak down the back of his neck.

“So wait, you’re telling me…” Sebastian trails off as he pulls his keys out of the car. They’ve been driving for a while now to reach their destination and okay, maybe Blaine should have told him this before they left.

At least he didn’t tell him while he was _driving,_ the comical shock seems to be a bit much that he’s sure they would have ran into a highway divider.

“You’ve never been to the beach.” Sebastian states and Blaine shakes his head, a small smile on his face.

“Cooper hated sand so it’s not like any of our family vacations were beach destinations.” He quips, looking out the window at the scenic view of Headlands Beach State Park.

Sebastian had been talking about coming here for a while, it was only three hours away from Lima and the prospect of sun, the waves and gorgeous views with seagulls and, okay sand, was enough to drag his mind away through everything he doesn’t want to think about. He had nearly jumped at the offer when Sebastian mentioned casually that he was thinking about a small beach trip, that he knew people in Mentor who’d be more than happy to see him.

It was the perfect opportunity for him to get out of Lima, to welcome the open road like it might swallow him up, taking him further than Ohio. Not New York, farther maybe. Farther than the United States. He thinks he’d like France if Sebastian went with him. Not that they could drive there but the feeling of getting up and moving, of driving away, of leaving things behind—he likes that far too much.

Even if it was only three hours.

“Where did you go on vacations instead?” Sebastian asks as they start heading out onto the sand. It’s hot from the sunshine and it spills into his sandals and between his toes as they trudge through with towels and a cooler full of ice water.

“Woodsy things, like camping and stuff.” Blaine says, lying a towel down once they’ve picked a spot. He adjusts his sunglasses on his nose. “Went to Disney World once.”

“How enthralling.” Sebastian notes, sarcastic tones slipping onto his words and hugging them as they leave his mouth.

“Was better than Lima.”

“Most things are.” The taller points out before he sits down on his towel, pulling out a tube of sunscreen. He rubs it into his shoulders after he takes his shirt off and Blaine can’t stop himself from chewing on his lower lip, eyes counting the freckles on his skin as he does.

“Are you checking me out, Anderson?”

Blaine turns a bright pink before shaking his head, clearing his throat and trying to act natural because yes he totally _was_ and it was _obvious._ Sebastian smirks and shakes his head tugging at Blaine’s t-shirt.

“Please tell me you’re going to take this off. Seems only fair I get to ogle you too.”

Blaine swats Sebastian’s hand away but can’t stop the small smile from tugging at the ends of his mouth before he lifts up the fabric and sets it beside him. He’s hyper aware of how Sebastian’s glance travels over his chest, lingers on his shoulder blades, drinks him in. His eyes kiss his collarbone, his sternum, dip against his stomach and back up again.

But…it doesn’t make him self-conscious like he thought it might. Then again, Sebastian has always had this way about him where he knows exactly how to push his buttons. Where he makes him feel flustered and sexy all at the same time.

“Get my back?” Sebastian asks, handing him the sunscreen before turning around.

Blaine swallows and squeezes the tube in his hand, wanting to trace a few freckles with his fingertips at the base of the other’s neck, wondering if they make a shape or not.

He clears his throat and squeezes out sunscreen and rubs it together against his palms before covering Sebastian’s back, following the dips of his muscles and the long lines that make up his body. He probably spends too much time with something as simple as making sure his back is protected from the sun…but if Sebastian notices, he doesn’t say anything.

His hands fall from his back, his gaze looking out at the water and the waves crashing gently into the shore as Sebastian turns back around. Because…this place is great, the water is great, the view is beautiful and he has to stop thinking about the span of Sebastian’s back and how he’d like to kiss down the knobs of his spine or rub his hands against other parts of his body. It’s way too hot out for this.

Sebastian gives him a lazy grin before glancing down at the sunscreen. “Want me to rub yours too?”

The general question is enough to snap at Blaine’s attention and his head whirls back around. “What?” He squeaks and Sebastian smiles slowly, all bright pine green eyes. And for a moment Blaine is convinced that he’s some sort of mind reader.

“Your shoulders, Blaine.” He says gradually, tilting his head a little. “But please, if you have some other better suggestion let me know.”

Blaine huffs like he hasn’t turned the color of a fire truck and shoves the sunscreen at him. “No. Thanks.”

“So polite about it too.” He teases, motioning for Blaine to turn around.

Blaine shakes his head, closing his eyes as Sebastian’s thumbs circle the muscles on the back of his shoulders and sink lower. His stomach flutters even though he tries to squash it as his hands hover against his sides, thumbs tracing the base of his spine before sweeping upwards. Sebastian rests his hands on his shoulders and Blaine tries to ignore how he leans back into his touch, subconsciously, that it’s so simple to get lost in how it feels to have skin against skin.

“One of these days you’re going to stop trying to resist me.”

He smirks softly but says nothing. Part of him is worried (but intrigued) that Sebastian might be right.

~~

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Sebastian asks as Blaine winces for the sixth time since they’ve left the beach. Sixth. It really has nothing to do with him but apparently Sebastian is starting to wonder and get insulted if he’s making faces in reply to his ‘great’ pickup lines.

Blaine frowns at him as he sticks the cooler into the backseat of the car, obviously not realizing he’s been doing it that many times until Sebastian speaks up. The sun is dipping past behind the clouds, making everything have a slightly pink hue. He wishes they could stay longer, until the sun completely disappears, orange and pink glow going with it. But his mother sent him a text an hour ago, wondering when he was going to be home.

And regardless of how much he just wants to pretend he doesn’t have anywhere to get back to, that he doesn’t have responsibilities and baggage and hurt and ache waiting for him to get home, to latch onto him once again…he knows he can’t avoid it either.

The beach was beautiful and perfect, like living inside a postcard. Sebastian was charming and gorgeous, most of his mind preoccupied with replaying what he looked like going into the water to cool off for the first time.

Droplets of water cascading down the lines and muscles of his body. Blaine following them with his eyes, wanting to trace with his fingertips. The way it felt for the taller’s wet palms to slide against his waist, to haul him into the water even though it was _ice cold_ regardless of the hot day.

“Nothing.” He says, rather distantly. Because surprisingly, his mood has nothing to do with heading back home even though he’s not ready to leave yet.

Sebastian rolls his eyes and shuts the driver’s door, grabbing his t-shirt from the backseat to put on. Which, _finally,_ because Blaine’s been preoccupied for the last half hour watching Sebastian’s muscles relax and contract as he puts things away in the car. It’s a weird sort of distraction in which he’s caught between staring and not making eye-contact all at the same time.

“My sexual innuendos aren’t _that_ bad.” He teases, leaning his shoulder against the other side of the car where Blaine is standing. The shorter smiles softly and shakes his head. “And contrary to what you may believe I can make _many_ about your ass without repeating myself.”

“Sebastian…”

He puts his hand up and halts his sentence. “I know you’re hesitant to go home but…we can always come back. Anytime you want.” He says quietly and for the first time it’s _Sebastian_ avoiding looking him in the eyes.

Blaine stares at him for a long moment, perhaps seeing him for the first time in a long time; reminds him of back when he was dating Kurt. When they’d stay up till the early hours on the morning talking on the phone about things they couldn’t say face to face. Personal things. Things they pretended they never spoke about when the sun kissed the clouds and earth again.

“If you ever get the feeling you want to run away,” He smiles. “Call me. I’ll come with you. I’ll drive you. Wherever you want to go.”

He wonders, for a moment, if he’s given the impression that he _wants_ to run away. To get away from Lima because memories are there. Because that’s where his heart hurts the most. And he knows it’ll fade with time and he doesn’t _really_ want to leave home behind forever. But he’s caught in this _trap_ of sensations anymore where he feels like bolting and anchoring himself down for the long haul.

Blaine steps forward and touches Sebastian’s arm, squeezes gently, lets his fingers linger there for a few moments before giving him a soft smile. Because that _means_ something to him, even if he can’t quite put it into words.

“It’s my back.” He says, by way of explanation to an earlier question that he feels has disappeared with the sun. “It uh…it hurts.” His statement hangs awkwardly in the air for a few moments.

Sebastian frowns, creases appearing between his eyebrows as he tilts his head at him. Like that’s honestly the last thing he expects Blaine to say. Their previous conversation fades away with the last specks of sun, warm orange releasing its embrace around Sebastian’s body. He shivers as the taller’s hands settle on his shoulders, turning him around. He lifts his shirt quickly before making a small smirking noise.

“You’ve got sunburn.”

“Well don’t sound so smug about it.” Blaine wisecracks, jerking a little as Sebastian’s fingers slide down his spine, skin hot, prickling, and sensitive even to a soft touch.

“I told you to use more sunscreen.”

The shorter huffs, trying to pull away from the other’s hold on his shirt. Sebastian moves to hold him still, making the wrong judgment call in pressing his hand to his waist and squeezing.

“Seb _astian!”_ Blaine squawks, batting his hand away, hissing out a noise as his sunburn throbs.

“Sorry, sorry,” He tries not to chuckle but it hugs some of his words.

Blaine flushes. “It’s not funny!”

Sebastian covers a hand with his mouth, shaking his head, smile still _clear_ behind his fingers. He clears his throat and speaks again, more sincere sounding. “Sorry.” His eyes tick down and up his form and Blaine backs up a little instinctively, like he’s not sure where Sebastian’s hands are. “Though, you squirming _is_ kinda hot.”

Blaine groans, head tilting towards the sky in exasperation. “You’re the worst.”

Sebastian hums, leaning into the still open door of the backseat to riffle through their beach bag. “And yet,” He says, pulling out, waving a green bottle at him. “I have aloe.”

The light of the day is quickly burning out of the sky, leaving the breath of humidity around them like a blanket. He can still see Sebastian’s form pretty well, especially with the car door still open. He reaches for the bottle but it’s yanked from his reach, a smirk tugging the one side of the other’s mouth.

“Come on, you can’t aloe up your own back. I’ll do it.” He motions for the front seat. “I’ll be on my best behavior, I promise.”

Blaine watches him for a moment and looks at the aloe, licking his lips. He can’t make the drive home without _something_ on his back so he buckles and sighs, moving towards the front seat. Sebastian smirks, wordlessly moving to the driver’s seat to get in. The shorter sits down sideways, legs still sticking out of the car, back towards the steering wheel.

“Unless you say otherwise, of course.” Sebastian says, a shiver coursing down Blaine’s spine as the heat of his breath brushes against the shell of his ear at their proximity.

He tilts his head a little to look at him, Sebastian giving him a slow smile while rolling the bottle of aloe between his hands a moment. “You wish.” He tugs his shirt up and over his head, letting it rest on his upper arms.

“Definitely.” The taller chuckles, squeezing aloe onto his palms. He sets the bottle aside and before Blaine can prepare himself, the cool lotion splays across his back.

He tenses, closing his eyes, but Sebastian’s fingers work soothingly against his skin, his muscles, working it into his sunburn. Blaine lets out a slow breath, muscle after muscle, bone after bone, unwinding into the other’s touch.

“There you go.” Sebastian whispers, his thumbs pressing the back of his shoulder blades and Blaine knows that has nothing to do with his sunburn. “Better?”

Blaine turns his chin, glances back at him as Sebastian’s fingers continue to massage taut muscle. His back doesn’t sting as much as before, from sunburn or stress. He almost doesn’t want him to stop, nearly closes his eyes and leans into it. Leans back into him. The warmth of his fingertips. Of his hands. His body.

“Much.” He says softly.

Even though the weather is ridiculously balmy, Blaine can’t help but think about snow. About ice when he looks at Sebastian. Seemingly cold and unforgiving on the outside but…gorgeous in a way that should be admired. He smiles gently at him, Sebastian catching the look and giving him a soft smile back.

One that he knows is reserved just for him.

And just like snow and ice, when held close for too long, it melts.

000

July blends into August and a theme for Lima must be end of the summer festivals because he’s been to three so far, tonight being his fourth. Tina and Sam decided to talk to him again, which okay—he’s not even sure why transferring back to Dalton encouraged a full blown ice between them but it had. He’s not going to dwell, he’s just glad the ice has thawed.

Because regardless of Sebastian keeping him company, he’s missed Sam and Tina more than he can actually say. Even though he’d only been at McKinley for a short amount of time, both of them have become important parts of his life. People he could talk to and depend on. He’s missed his _friends_. So the first and second time to a festival had been with them, the third with Cooper (apparently not even his L.A. loving brother can resist visiting when it comes to funnel cake and candy apples) and the tonight he’s with Sebastian.

Even though he’s been to this same carnival three times, when Sebastian asks, he can’t say no. There’s something infectious about being around Sebastian, something he can’t exactly name or describe but that he _feels_ instead.He feels whole around him, like he’s not broken, like Kurt hasn’t taken pieces of him that he hasn’t gotten back. That he’s not sure he ever will.

Blaine doesn’t know how Sebastian fills those spaces in his chest, doesn’t question it in fear that an answer will cause the chasms to widen past hope of repair.

“I don’t even understand why Lima has these damn things, it’s a poor excuse for a fair.” Sebastian scrunches his nose at a petting zoo near where they’re in line for different kinds of apples.

The woman who’s behind the counter looks offended as she hands Sebastian his candy apple and Blaine his caramel one. He tries to smile to do damage control, offering her a nice tip and tugs Sebastian away before he can make another crude comment.

“You’re the one who invited me,” He says, tapping his caramel apple against Sebastian’s candy one.

The taller hums, taking a bite from his apple before grinning at him. “I know, I wanted to win you a bear from one of those games.”

Blaine feels a flush crawl up his cheeks even though he knows Sebastian is just teasing him. “And yet you still haven’t.” He points out, displaying his very empty arms where a stuffed animal should be.

“They’re all rigged.” Sebastian states (because it’s not for lack of trying, he _did_ attempt to win something just for the sheer prospect of winning but after ten bucks and zero stuffed animals Blaine had to physically _pull_ Sebastian away from the games).

“Or you just suck.” Blaine comments, poking at his lack of mastery for simple carnival games with a grin.

Sebastian scoffs, looking down at Blaine with a very slow smirk that tells him he’s said _exactly_ the right thing. “Oh I do,” He winks. “Very well, thank you.”

Blaine rolls his eyes but a fond smile tugs at his lips, warming his belly before he focuses back on his caramel apple. They walk close to one another in the crowd of people doing odds and ends things at the fair, their arms brushing, shoulders bumping into one another’s every so often. Or well, it’s mostly Blaine’s shoulder hitting the other’s arm because of their height difference…not that he’s hyper aware of things like that or anything.

They stop at the corner of the carnival to throw away the sticks from their apples, Blaine noticing a Ferris wheel just behind a few food stations. His eyes light up rather instantly and Sebastian must realize what he’s excited about because he’s already started shaking his head.

“No.”

“Oh come on,” Blaine pouts, tugging on Sebastian’s arm as he starts taking steps back. “Please?”

“Don’t pout.” Sebastian warns but his lower lip just juts out more in response. He smirks but still tries to move away from the Ferris wheel. “I mean it, I’m more likely to kiss you than take you on that damn thing.”

He clamps down the sentence that wants to flow right out of his mouth, that he’s fine with _either_ option if he’s being honest.

“Oh well if _those_ are my options.” Blaine teases, his hands falling onto Sebastian’s sides. He tickles him a little, making him squirm, digging his fingers into the fabric of his shirt to yank him forward as he’s distracted.

While Sebastian ends up nearly smack up against his body, he’s not relenting. “No.” He glances up at the Ferris wheel as it starts to move, apprehension making his shoulders tense. “Absolutely not.”

Blaine hums softly as Sebastian tries to pry his fingers from his shirt. He leans closer, up on his toes, nearly grazes his lips against the other’s. Sebastian looks surprised, amused maybe, but doesn’t move as his green eyes flicker over his mouth.

“Are you scared of heights?”

He has no idea where this surge of confidence is coming from, to toe the barely there line that he has between Sebastian and himself. To breach the wall that teases between space and sexual tension; they’ve always seemed to have this unspoken agreement, this constant back and forth where neither take one step too far.

Sebastian’s probably afraid of pushing him away, Blaine afraid of making a choice that he might regret or can’t come back from.

Whatever the reasons, it seems like he’s promptly ignoring them tonight.

“Am I scared of something that looks two hundred years old with rusting rickety bars held together with scotch tape and could probably kill us?” Sebastian asks in one breath, warm air that smells like sugary candy bouncing off of Blaine’s lips. “Yes. Yes I am.”

“Come on,” Blaine frowns, fingers resting against Sebastian’s sides now but with no intention of tickling him this time. “Please? I’ll make it worth your while.”

Sebastian smiles slow and easy as he shakes his head. “ _That_ is not playing fair. And it’s not going to work on me.”

The shorter pulls back with a small huff but keeps his hands on Sebastian’s sides, thumbs rubbing into circles absentmindedly as he looks at the Ferris wheel. He can’t honestly remember the last time he was on one, not even the times he came to this very festival with Sam, Tina and Cooper. But he has a sneaking suspicion that the last time had to do with Kurt, like so very many ‘last times’ usually do.

He’s not trying to cover up that memory, really he’s not. He’s not trying replace _any_ memories he’s had with Kurt or pretend they never existed. His ex-boyfriend was a large and important part of his life. But does he want other memories to go with those now painful ones? To equal them out so he doesn’t have this severe haunting ache in his chest? Yeah. He does.

He really does.

Sebastian sighs, noticing him staring at the Ferris wheel like he’s planning to go on with or without him.

“Alright, _alright._ I’ll go. Stop looking like a kicked puppy.” He chastises, his hand slipping into Blaine’s effortlessly to drag him over to the ticket booth.

Blaine barely has time to register that they’re _holding hands_ (not standing so close that they brush, not bumping into one another, not Sebastian slinging his arm playfully over his shoulder) because he’s grinning like the sun is about to come out of his mouth over the fact that Sebastian’s caved.

“So…Ferris wheel for a blowjob seems like a pretty fair trade.” He states, the ticket person nearly choking as he says it like they’re not even there as he pays.

Blaine snatches the tickets and gives the woman an embarrassed smile before yanking Sebastian away. “I can’t take you anywhere, I swear to God. Also no.”

Sebastian’s mouth opens in mock offence, his palm pressed to his chest. “I’m endangering my life going on this Ferris wheel the least you can do is give me a blowjob.” Blaine shakes his head, not even trying to hide a smile anymore.

“I’m not opposed to making out either.”

Blaine pulls Sebastian up the ramp when it’s their turn to board, two festival employees holding the seat down so they can get situated. When their seat tilts back and the bar is placed over their laps, the shorter adjusting the seatbelt that’s resting high on their thighs, he finally notices how tense Sebastian is.

He tries to hide it as the Ferris wheel starts to move but his knuckles turn white from squeezing the bar so hard in front of him. Blaine’s eyes tick from his hands up his forearms, all the way to his face where the muscle of his jaw is working. And… _oh._

“I didn’t know you were _actually_ scared of heights, Sebastian. I wouldn’t have dragged you on here.”

Sebastian glances at him, trying to relax his body limb by limb. He shrugs his shoulder. “I’m not. It’s fine.”

He smiles softly, shaking his head before rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “You’re squeezing the bar hard enough that it might actually snap in half.” He teases gently, the Ferris wheel swooping them back onto the ground before taking them back up again.

For as old as the Ferris wheel appears to be the ride is very smooth…until the workers start letting people off to load new couples on and they jerk to a stop seconds away from the very top.

Sebastian actually makes a _squeaking_ noise before clearing his throat. He groans and snaps his eyes shut, shaking his head. “Swear to God, the things I do for you Anderson.”

Blaine laughs, leaning forward a little. “You didn’t have to—”

“ _Stop leaning forward._ ”

He snaps back in his seat, tipping it back a little, the panic _clear_ on Sebastian’s face. He looks over at Blaine like he’s just singlehandedly prompted the Ferris wheel to fall apart. Blaine shouldn’t be smiling, really, nothing is funny and Sebastian looks like he’s _seconds_ away from pulling his curls out, but he’s just…he’s never _seen_ him like this. So open, exposed, like a raw nerve. It’s almost refreshing, that someone as cocky and confident as Sebastian can be brought back down to earth—even if it is from a Ferris wheel.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“I’m not looking at you like anything.” Blaine insists with a soft smirk, slowly leaning back against the seat so he doesn’t rock the cart. The ride moves but only for a few seconds and they crank to a grinding stop at the very top.

Sebastian groans, shaking his head. “This is ridiculous.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Blaine smiles, bumping his shoulder against his. He looks back down at his hands before sliding one of his own over the top of Sebastian’s. “Would you relax?”

“ _Relax?_ You want me to relax? We’re hundreds of feet off the ground—”

“That seems a bit dramatic.”

“—on a rickety ass Ferris wheel that keeps sounding like it’s about to snap in half every time we move—”

Blaine licks his lips before leaning against his side, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Sebastian’s breath catches in his throat as he looks down at him, the pressure that he’s had on the bar in front of him easing slightly. He gives him a soft smile, chewing on his lower lip before bumping his nose against his jaw, the rest of Sebastian’s sentence leaving his mouth in one pent up breath.

“—and you want me to relax.”

Their eyes connect, green boring down into hazel and Blaine plants another kiss against his jawline—just long enough to distract him, just in time for them to reach the ground again.

And then it’s over.

He pulls back, hands shaking slightly as he stands. “See? That wasn’t so bad now was it?”

Sebastian stares after him for a moment before disembarking the Ferris wheel, following him back into the crowd. It only takes a few minutes for the tense like grip that’s surrounding them to slowly dissipate, things returning back to their usual banter and arm brushing and Blaine winning a bear for himself at the skeeball game because (surprise) Sebastian still sucks.

They get to the car when the carnival ends, lines of traffic starting to get out of the parking lot. So they sit for a while, the bear resting on Blaine’s lap as Sebastian finishes off another candy apple.

“This was nice.” He admits, to fill the silence. Not that it’s uncomfortable but…because he just wants to talk to Sebastian. He enjoys it. He actually misses it sometimes when they part from one another.

The pulling sensation that comes from enjoying someone’s company so much that all you can think about when you part is when you’re going to see them again—Blaine’s only felt that with one other person before. It’s surprising in a way that it’s…not really surprising at all.

“Yeah, except for my near death experience.” Sebastian states wryly, turning the car on.

Blaine smiles slowly, shakes his head a bit as he looks over at him. “And yet you survived. Maybe you could write a book, go on _The View.”_ He teases.

Sebastian sets down part of his candy apple in one of the cup holders after wrapping it in a napkin. Blaine doesn’t watch Sebastian lick the sticky sugar off his lips as he eyes the traffic around them. He turns the engine on at least to get some cool air circulating throughout the car, soft music speckling through the speakers like when they had arrived.

“My first copy would go to you, could even sign it with a special message.”

“Yeah,” Blaine air-quotes with his fingers. “‘Dear Blaine, you owe me a blowjob.’”

Sebastian laughs, leaning back in the driver’s seat. “Well I wasn’t going to say it like _that.”_ He winks.

Blaine looks at him a long moment, that fluttery sensation still flurrying behind his ribs like butterfly wings kissing his bones. It’s a warmth he can’t really _describe_ except for the fact that it reaches every part of his body. Down to his toes. It’s only amplified by the sound of Sebastian laughing, the noise even tugging his lips into a genuine smile.

He leans his body forward, bear still sitting on his lap as he turns his shoulder so that he’s facing Sebastian. His stomach knots with the worried sensation that he should stop, that he should back down. But he’s tired of ignoring things he _obviously_ feels because he’s scared. Kurt, when he allows himself to think about him, was safe. He was safe and comforting and—perhaps even boring. He was never worried about being with him. Things were, in a sense, very predictable. He knew what to expect.

But Sebastian?

Blaine is _terrified_ of him. Of what it could mean to just lean in and kiss him. Of where that might lead to, of where it might _not_ lead to. The truth is he doesn’t _know._ And that not knowing? It scares him.

But the longer he sits there, the longer his eyes start to trace down Sebastian’s jawline, the longer he feels warm just from sitting next to him. The more he starts to think that the thing that scares him the most is _exactly_ what he should be doing.

So without another thought Blaine closes the space between them and kisses Sebastian’s lower lip. Sebastian hesitates for a moment, like he’s not sure this is what Blaine wants but then buckles. Like the bricks in a wall deteriorating; one, then two, then the whole damn thing.

He cups Blaine’s neck and pulls him closer, a soft moan leaving his mouth as Sebastian’s tongue grazes his lips but doesn’t go any further. They both pull back a bit breathless, lips red and wet, cheeks tinted pink.

“I apparently owed you some kisses.” Blaine says by way of explanation.

Sebastian smirks, their noses bumping before he nips at his upper lip. “Well…it _is_ only fair, I did almost plummet to my death.”

 


	3. Autumn

AUTUMN

Summer starts losing its warm hues, humidity brushed aside by cool wisps of incoming air and green fading into oranges, browns and reds. He’s sad to see summer go but autumn has always been one of his favorite seasons, especially this year. It’s not just the pumpkins, the haunted houses that accompany Halloween, or the spiced lattes along with a variety of his favorite sweaters—but this time he feels the overwhelming sensation of starting over.

Because autumn, most importantly, signals the beginning of his senior year at Dalton.

Something he’s been embarrassingly counting down to on his calendar (which Sebastian has ‘helpfully’ circled with little teasing hearts) and packed for three days early. His roommate James, who he’s never met before, seems nice and easy going when he moves in. He can’t help the little tug of disappointment that greets his stomach when he realizes he was hoping to dorm with someone he already knew; like Nick or Jeff, even Trent but he’s _happy_ to be back at a school that feels like home. And he’s always enjoyed making new friends.

So he’s not going to dwell on it.

A knock at the door sounds and since James is trying to fit a ton of misshapen boxes under his bed, Blaine chuckles and announces that he’ll get it. When he opens the door, Sebastian is leaning against the doorframe, a wide grin spreading across his lips at the sight of him.

“Hey neighbor.” Sebastian tilts his head across the hall to where he’s obviously living and Blaine thinks he can see the bright bleach blonde hair of Jeff sitting on a bed in the corner of the room. “Let me know if you want to borrow a cup of sugar.”

Blaine grins, shaking his head. No, he’s definitely not upset with this room situation at all.

000

They don’t talk about the kisses they shared in the summer even though that doesn’t stop them from _happening._ He’s not sure whether he should be surprised at how natural it all feels even though they’re not even close to being _something_ with one another. Though it’s not like Blaine wants that. He’s not…he’s not ready for something else, something more.

He doesn’t know when he will be. This area of gray he’s currently strolling through with Sebastian? He likes that. He likes not feeling pressured, that these small touches and kisses are only that. Not something more, not something complicated.

At least that’s what he keeps telling himself.

He keeps having this very awful feeling that at one point he’s going to try shift everything back to how it was and he won’t be able to, won’t be able to add more white to the shade of gray they’re in and restore the color.

Blaine knows he should try and figure this out, to try and put an organized idea or plan to things he can’t really fit into neat, orderly categories. To try and analyze small touches and kisses and smiles, the things Sebastian says and the things he doesn’t because he doesn’t need to. But every time he works up the confidence to _try_ Sebastian kisses him again, and any thought of doing so fades right into his touches, the pads of his fingertips, the skin on skin.

And maybe…maybe he can afford not to overthink things for a while. He deserves a little time and space where he doesn’t have to think; where he can just _be._ And that’s always been the easiest with Sebastian.

One of the great things about Dalton is that the campus has its own coffee shop, it’s just very out of the way when it comes to the dorms. When class is in session it can be considered convenient if you don’t mind paying a steep price for coffee. But when the weather is cold and eight AM classes drag people from their warm beds it’s incredibly worth it.

The Sunday before the semester officially starts Sebastian offers to treat him to a cup of coffee. And regardless of how time consuming organizing his bowtie collection is starting to become he can’t turn down a free pumpkin spice latte.

“You know, autumn is actually my favorite season.” He says as they walk across campus.

Sebastian glances at him out of the corner of his eye, a small smile tugging his lips. “Oh yeah?”

He wraps his arms around himself as a crisp air travels through the quarter, through the thin long sleeved t-shirt he has on and snakes up his spine. Blaine shivers, nodding his head as his feet crunch over already fallen leaves.

“Yeah, how can it not be? Pumpkins and spiced lattes and Halloween and sweaters…” He trails off, looking at the dark gray one that’s wrapped around Sebastian’s body. It hugs his form perfectly, makes him seem longer and taller then he really is. There’s brown patches at the elbows and the collar cuffs up so that it can cover the back of his neck.

It looks…no, _he_ looks warm.

Blaine clears his throat, shakes his head as they walk. “Why, what’s yours?”

“Spring.” Sebastian answers. “Even though my allergies usually kick my ass.”

He nods, tries to pay attention. He really does but as they turn a corner to walk down a corridor to the main part of the campus a surge of wind tackles them. Blaine shudders, squeezing his eyes shut a moment, teeth digging into the inside of his cheek before he lets a short breath out his nose.

Sebastian has the audacity to smirk. “I could have just brought you a coffee you know. You didn’t have to come with me.”

Blaine frowns and looks up at him. “I wanted to come.”

“You look miserable.”

“What?” He scoffs, trying to hide another shiver with an eye roll. “No, I’m fine.”

Sebastian smiles slowly and it almost, _almost_ causes a flush of warmth to rock through his system at the sight. It probably would have helped if it hadn’t been for another cold gust of wind. It feels like rain soon, that probably explains the drop in temperature.

“For this being your favorite season I would think you’d own some sweaters.” Sebastian points out, moving to tug on Blaine’s shirt. He manages to pull down the fabric over his shoulder and Blaine whirls around to playfully smack his hand away.

“I do! Trust me, I have many sweaters.”

“Are they color coded in your closet?” He smirks and Blaine makes a move to squeeze his ticklish side, Sebastian just nearly avoiding it.

“I just…I didn’t think it was going to be this brisk out when we’re only walking the short distance to the café.”

Sebastian stops walking, hooking his hand around Blaine’s elbow to halt him as well. “So you _are_ cold.”

He feels a light blush flower over his cheekbones, trying to ignore how warmth literally _seeps_ into his pores from the contact of Sebastian’s hand on his arm. “I didn’t say that.”

Sebastian looks far too amused for his liking. “Right.” He shakes his head, letting go of Blaine’s elbow for a moment. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Sebastian is taking his sweater off, revealing a short sleeved t-shirt underneath.

“What are you doing?”

“Come here.” Sebastian insists, not waiting for Blaine to close the distance before he puts the sweater over his head like he’s dressing a child.

Blaine lets out a soft huff but doesn’t push him away, the warmth of the material too enticing as another shiver travels down his sides. He hums a little as he leans into the warmth created from Sebastian’s body and skin, breathes in the scent left behind between the stitching that is a mixture of cologne and laundry detergent.

“But what about you?” He asks, looking up at him.

Sebastian smiles softly, tugs the collar a little as Blaine pushes his arms through the sleeves which are too long for him. “I’m naturally warm, don’t worry about me.” He winks.

“I can’t believe you just basically called yourself hot with a straight face.”

“Besides,” Sebastian points out. “I’m practically walking around with a human icicle. We’re almost there.”

He tugs the sleeves down over his hands, taking the opportunity to loop his arm through Sebastian’s as they start to walk again. “Thanks.”

Sebastian gives him a wolfish grin. “What kind of gentlemen would I be if I let a gorgeous boy freeze to death on the way to get coffee?” He squeezes his arm, hand running over Blaine’s wrist absentmindedly.

“You consider yourself a gentleman?” Blaine teases, causing Sebastian to tug on his arm and it nearly sends him tumbling sideways into his body.

“Quiet or I’ll take my sweater back.” Sebastian threatens but they both know it’s empty as the taller smiles at him.

They make it to the café and Sebastian pays for two pumpkin spice lattes. They sit at a table for a while, Blaine warming up and Sebastian talking about the Warblers. Their hands rest on the table, close but not touching, eventually Blaine inches his index finger forward until it runs along Sebastian’s thumb. And Sebastian kisses away whipped cream when it gets all over Blaine’s upper lip.

He notices how he watches him from across the table, how his green eyes follow his slight movements and nuisances as he leans back in the chair. In _his_ sweater. Blaine feels his cheeks dot pink at the look in Sebastian’s eyes. Or maybe he’s imagining it, that he _likes_ him wearing his sweater. That he likes how the material hangs over him, keeps him warm, makes it look like he’s _his._

When they eventually get back to the dorm, Blaine forgets to give him his sweater but Sebastian never exactly asks for it back either.

000

They never talk about kisses, touches, or how sweaters keep disappearing from Sebastian’s closet every time Blaine finds himself studying in his dorm room.

000

“I’m not going to a pumpkin patch with you.” Sebastian warns, holding his hand up as Blaine approaches him in one of the study rooms.

Blaine feels his confidence leave his body like a balloon that has a slow leak in it. He huffs. “Who told you?”

“Everyone,” Sebastian says, not looking up from his textbook. “Seeing as how I’m the _last_ person you asked, I’ve had to hear the story from five different people.”

He turns a soft pink, rubbing the back of his neck. He can’t tell whether Sebastian is annoyed because he’s had to hear other people warn him that Blaine was on a mission to find someone to go to a pumpkin patch with him or offended that he was the last one he asked.

“I figured you wouldn’t want to go with me.” He says by way of explanation.

Sebastian hums, giving him a smile as his textbook lowers. “You thought right.”

Blaine sits down at the table across from him, tugging on Sebastian’s notebook. The other’s hand comes down with a loud _thwap_ to prevent him from stealing it.

“Klepto.” Sebastian mutters and Blaine can’t help but grin because, yes, he’s wearing one of his infamous ‘missing’ maroon sweaters.

“Please?” He asks, pouting out his lower lip for emphasis.

Sebastian refuses to look, which is probably why he can say ‘no’ again with a straight face. Blaine stares at him a moment like he might melt through the block of ice Sebastian is hastily putting up to block him.

But after a moment, Sebastian is _still_ pretending he isn’t there, and he opens his mouth to say, “Is this going to be like the Ferris wheel thing? You say no a couple times…but then you eventually go with me?” He teases.

Sebastian scoffs but there’s a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He sets his text aside, shaking his head. “I don’t know, is there making out in my future?”

Blaine smiles, leaning his elbows on the table so he has leverage to inch forward. Sebastian is sitting straight up in his chair, not moving as the shorter presses a kiss to his upper lip.

“Definitely.” He breathes, air from his lungs ghosting over Sebastian’s cheek.

Sebastian shakes his head but he’s already closing his textbook and notes. “Handjob because I was the last person you asked.” He insists.

Blaine pursues his lips a moment. “Do I look easy to you?”

There’s a slow grin on his words. “Is that a trick question?”

He lets out a soft sigh before shaking his head, standing from the table. “Fine, I’ll go by myself.” He turns to walk away but Sebastian throws a pen at his back, making him stop.

“So dramatic.” He mutters under his breath, shaking his head with an eye roll. “Alright. When do we leave?”

~~

He keeps wondering when he’s finally going to reach his limit with Sebastian. It’s not like they don’t do things Sebastian wants to do, on the contrary, Blaine finds himself at Scandals and lacrosse games and random house parties that involve too much drinking and no decent music. But these things? The beach, coffee trips, Ferris wheels, harassing him into going to a pumpkin patch?

That’s really not Sebastian’s idea of a good time. And yet, here he is, walking through rows and rows of pumpkins with him trying to pick the very best one.

Blaine finds himself (worried) wondering if Sebastian is just eventually…going to say ‘no’ and not be swayed by him pouting or promising to make out to get him to do ridiculous things with him.

He’s worried he’s going to get bored of him because he’s not offering anything more enticing. Sebastian rarely has friends that he doesn’t have sex with.

It’s not that Blaine doesn’t have other friends because he does but he _likes_ spending time with Sebastian. Loves doing small, insignificant things like eating candy apples or standing in line at the café, like leaning against the other’s side in a crowd of people or trying to pick the perfect carving pumpkin. Things that he should be fine with doing on his own…but are made better with Sebastian’s presence.

He should really take time to think about _why_ that is but instead he leans over and picks up another pumpkin. Let’s the thought get carried away in the gentle breeze, decides to worry about it at another time.

“You know, I’m actually really glad I came today.” Sebastian says as Blaine scrunches his nose at the pumpkin in his hands. He shivers as he suddenly feels the long lines of warmth against his back, Sebastian’s hand sneaking into the back pocket of his jeans. “The view is downright _spectacular_.”

He huffs but leans back into his chest a moment before setting the pumpkin back down. “Focus.” He points at him, moving to another row of pumpkins.

“I really don’t understand why you have to _analyze_ all of them. Just pick one.”

Blaine looks up at him in mock horror. “You can’t just _pick_ a pumpkin, Sebastian. You need to find one that’s not too flimsy because you need strong walls for carving. Of course you also need to have in mind what you want to carve too because that will determine the size…” He bites his lower lip, stepping over a few to look at one that’s caught his eye. “Then you need to squeeze it to make sure it’s firm.”

“Finally something I agree with.” Sebastian says cheekily, moving to grab Blaine’s ass again.

The shorter squeaks, nearly trips over a pumpkin to avoid Sebastian’s hands. “Stop.” He laughs.

Sebastian takes one of Blaine’s hands, inches him forward into his chest. “Or what?”

Blaine hums, raising himself up on his toes to kiss Sebastian’s lower lip. He leaves the question unanswered, pulling away to walk towards a large box of gourds, mini-pumpkins and white pumpkins.

“Did you used to do this with Kurt?”

He swallows, almost starts at the sudden question and nearly trips over another pumpkin. He’s far too uncoordinated for pumpkin patches, it seems.

If Blaine’s being honest, he hasn’t thought about Kurt for a while now. Between the busyness of moving back into Dalton, starting a new semester, trying to keep in contact with Sam and Tina and hanging around Sebastian—he hasn’t had time. Which is good. He _knows_ this is a good thing. But within Sebastian’s simple question he can see so many hidden meanings that has no idea how to even reply for a few moments.

Blaine glances over his shoulder as Sebastian kicks softly at a pumpkin, rolling it over. Sometimes he wonders if Sebastian thinks they do all these things together so he can manipulate memories he has of Kurt, to have _these_ replace those ones. Sometimes he wants to ask him what he really thinks about this, about _them,_ but he never does.

“No,” Blaine sets his hands down on the edges of the box, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Kurt was never really into autumn. Not to mention the mud that accompanies pumpkin picking most of the time.”

“So he never just went because you wanted to?”

Blaine swallows, tries to buy himself some time with replying to Sebastian’s comment by reaching into the box for a white pumpkin. Though, the silence seems to answer him all the same.

“I didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t want to do.”

Sebastian smirks softly. “And yet, you bribed me with making out so I’d come with you.”

He knows it’s supposed to be a joke, he can _hear_ the teasing in Sebastian’s voice but it makes him bristle nonetheless. He turns around, still holding the white pumpkin in his hands. “I told you that you didn’t have to come with me. You really don’t have to…to do _anything_ I suggest we do together.”

Sebastian open and closes his mouth a moment, eyes flickering over Blaine’s form to the white pumpkin in his hands. “You think you can honestly _make_ me do something I don’t want to do?”

Blaine stares at him, fingers nearly digging into the skin of the pumpkin. He can read the assumption in Sebastian’s eyes, the words written around his irises. “I’m not broken.” He says shortly.

Sebastian takes a step forward, close enough that he can place his hand over Blaine’s, running his thumb over his knuckles. And just like that his body relaxes, muscles unwind, and his heartbeat calms. It’s sort of ridiculous the kind of effect Sebastian has over him…not that he’s really _noticed_ that or anything.

“I never said you were.” Sebastian says gently, like he’s afraid Blaine is on the verge of snapping in half, regardless of him saying how not broken he is.

The shorter swallows, looks down at Sebastian’s hand on his, lets out a soft sigh that releases the last of the tension from his shoulders.

He takes the pumpkin from Blaine’s hand, looks it over before glancing at him. “This the one you want?”

Blaine hesitates on what seems like such a loaded question before he nods softly. “I can make it a ghost.”

Sebastian smiles, lets his other hand drift down to lace with Blaine’s fingers. “Good idea.”

He lets him gently tug him through the rest of the rows of pumpkins, working their way to the front to pay for the one Sebastian has under his arm.

So maybe he is broken, fractured in ways he doesn’t know or can’t describe. The point is, he feels _less_ shattered when he’s with Sebastian. Being around him doesn’t cause his fingers to bleed as he picks up the fragmented pieces of himself to stick back together again. Like he might actually fit the pieces back into where they belong.

Like one day he might be whole; no cracks.

000

Blaine’s knee deep in a history paper when he hears a knock on his door. He figures it’s James forgetting his keys, again, and opens it without bothering to ask who it is.

Well, it’s not James.

It’s Sebastian and he’s…dressed (if he can even call it that) in a form fitting black fabric suit with glow and the dark bones highlighting his form, especially around the ribcage and pelvis. _Stop staring at his pelvis, Blaine._

“You’re a skeleton?” He asks, leaning against the doorframe.

Sebastian waves the mask that’s in his hands at him before pulling it over his head for a moment. “Great deduction, Anderson. Please tell me you’re Sherlock Holmes for Halloween.” His voice is muffled a little by the plastic but before Blaine can reach for it he takes it off.

Blaine rolls his eyes a moment before shaking his head. “Shut up and I’m not dressing up; busy tonight.”

“Date with your history paper?” Sebastian tries to look around his shoulder into his room but Blaine blocks his view. “Scandalous.” He teases.

“Did you need something or did you just come to make fun of me.”

“Hmm, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”

Blaine’s eyebrows perk and he almost laughs, _almost._ “Seriously?” He motions to his costume.

“Let’s just say I find it _humerus_ that I invited you to this Halloween party a week ago and yet here you are, spending time with your History paper.”

“Are you ever going to stop making these skeleton jokes?” Blaine asks, a small smirk gracing his lips because he can’t help it anymore.

“Not likely, I haven’t even asked you if you’d want to see my favorite bone yet.” Sebastian grins, giving him a wink.

“Astounding.” Blaine mutters.

“Come on,” He uses his teeth to take the glove off his right hand before tugging him into the room. “We can put together a makeshift costume really quick.”

“You’re going to miss the party and I don’t have anything we can make into a costume,” Blaine sits on his bed, watches Sebastian go through his closet…and then James’s. “Those aren’t even my clothes.”

“No, but…” He pulls out a lacrosse jersey. “James is on the lacrosse team. And unless you want to go as an underwear model,” Sebastian smirks. “Which I _highly_ recommend—” Blaine throws a pillow at him. “Then you can go as a lacrosse player.”

“I don’t know.” Blaine stands, takes the jersey from Sebastian before watching him take out shorts. “I have a paper to do and…costume parties aren’t exactly my thing.”

“Come on,” Sebastian whines softly, the noise going straight through him. “We don’t have to stay the entire time and I’m not even asking you to make out with me.” He smiles.

Blaine sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. He glances at his desk, where the white carved pumpkin sits, a candle sitting at the bottom and glowing orange-yellow through the shape of a ghost. He supposes he _does_ owe Sebastian one simple party. It can’t possibly be that bad, could it?

“Alright, alright. I’ll go with you.” He moves over to his desk and blows the candle out, smoke curling out of the pumpkin before he closes his laptop and history book. “Just for a few hours?”

Sebastian nods. “Promise. I’ll have you here before you turn back into a pumpkin.” He jokes, handing him a pair of shorts. He looks at him expectantly and Blaine just shakes his head, motioning him to turn around.

“You’re not getting a free show here Sebastian.”

The taller smiles before turning around. “Pity.”

Once Blaine has on the jersey and shorts, he tugs his pair of tennis shoes from his closet, since he’s not going to wear James’s cleats to a party. He already feels guilty enough that he’s got his clothes on per Sebastian’s insistence.

He nearly stumbles as Sebastian puts an arm around his shoulders and yanks him into his side. He slides his glove back on before haphazardly tugging the mask over his head, making Blaine scrunch his nose.

“Don’t say it.” Blaine warns, but a laugh is tumbling out of his mouth before he can stop it, already figuring out what Sebastian is going to say.

“Are you ready for a _bone_ ified good time?”

~~

The music is loud and his jersey keeps sticking to his back. The crowd is throbbing along with the beats and brass, various costumes blending together among purple black lights and the orange glow of pumpkins. He stays close to Sebastian through the whole thing, a lot of people confusing his costume for the real thing when they slap their palms against his back or try to grab his ass. Sebastian’s expression is _far too amused_ for his liking.

He doesn’t drink even though a lot of people offer him red cups, Sebastian throwing back a few drinks every so often.

“One won’t kill you, you know.” Sebastian says with a smirk, tilting his cup towards him.

Blaine leans against the counter in the kitchen and shrugs. “History paper, remember?”

The taller rolls his eyes, connecting with another pair in the dining room. Blaine follows his gaze, sees someone he doesn’t recognize, though it’s not hard to tell that he’s gorgeous. His costume is very flattering to his body structure, a sexy doctor as far as he can tell. He has scrub pants on, no shirt and a white doctor’s coat resting over broad shoulders and a toned chest.

He swallows a little, feeling the back of his neck flush at Sebastian’s obvious attraction. Blaine notices that his stomach starts to bubble with heat, reaching out through his veins, making him feel a bit overheated and sick. He knew he shouldn’t have come to this party.

And he has no clue why he thought it was a good idea to have Sebastian as his _ride_ back.

Sebastian starts to move and Blaine makes a noise of protest. “Where are you going?”

“I think I have a fever,” He grins wickedly. “Was going to let the good doctor check me out.”

“Aren’t _you_ the one checking _him_ out?” Blaine says quickly, almost short.

Sebastian hums, hesitates with a soft smirk. “Are you jealous?”

Flush covers Blaine’s cheeks. “No.” But the color tells Sebastian everything he needs to know.

“Cute.” He licks his lips, hesitates for a moment as a thought brushes over Sebastian’s features. But whatever he was going to say is replaced with, “I’ll be right back.”

Blaine feels his jaw muscles tense as his eyes follow Sebastian into the crowd, his hands landing directly on the doctor’s waist.

He hates Halloween parties.

 


	4. Winter

WINTER

He keeps that pumpkin on his desk way longer than he should; it actually starts to rot before he throws it away. Perfect representation about why he shouldn’t hold onto things for so long, that he shouldn’t sink his nails into things he can’t depend on, cling on to anything that will let him down. Because those things decay most of the time before his very eyes and he’s so blind to it, thinks he can last _one_ more day, before he comes to the mind-numbing conclusion that he just has to let go. And just throw it away.

Blaine wishes that he was mostly just referring to the pumpkin as he tosses it into a trash bag... but he’s not.

He and Sebastian don’t talk about the Halloween party. And things seemingly go back to normal except there’s a distance there between them that Blaine’s very deliberately created.

His walls going back up.

Every time he does something with Sebastian, every time they spend more time with one another, every light kiss or soft touch it just—it _feels_ more to him. More than friendship. More than sexual tension. But maybe he’s looking into it all wrong because it’s starting to feel one-sided and maybe it’s because of how complex emotions usually are. This is specifically why he prefers to stay in that gray area stretched between them both; because things are less complicated there, because he doesn’t have to single out emotions or call them out by name.

Blaine’s worried it’s too late for that now, that the gray is slipping between his fingers, that regardless of how much he wants to pretend spending time with Sebastian doesn’t _mean_ anything to him he can’t.

And even though he thinks Sebastian won’t notice the space between them he does, especially when one day Blaine declines on going with him for free coffee in favor of heading to the library to work on homework.

Instead of going to the café where Sebastian was headed before they bumped into one another he follows in step with him to the library, avoiding patches of ice on the sidewalk as snow comes down in steady, big, fat flakes.

“Alright, are you ever going to stop being mad at me?” He asks and Blaine stops, turning to look at him before adjusting the beanie over his ears.

“I’m not mad at you.” Blaine insists, but he doesn’t exactly sound convincing.

“Right, that scowl on your face _really_ says you’re not mad at me.” Sebastian deadpans making him sigh. “You’ve been off since the Halloween party back in October, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

For some reason the way Sebastian is looking at him, the way he’s trying to handle him with care like he might snap in half digs into his skin. Confusion mixed with the tiniest bit of, is that pity?, is in his eyes and he doesn’t appreciate it.

“Look I don’t care who you spend your time with, Sebastian.” He nearly snaps, cuts right to the point because he knows at the base of everything that’s what this is about. That _stupid_ Halloween party he should have never went to.

“Except for the fact that you obviously _do.”_ He points out, raising an eyebrow at him. Blaine just shakes his head and tries to physically move out of this conversation.

Sebastian takes a short breath in and out, like it’s causing him an obscene amount of effort to say this without sounding angry but frustration wraps around his words anyways. He moves swiftly to stand right in front of Blaine, preventing him from walking in the direction of the library.

“You think I’d do half the stuff for that shirtless doctor, whose name and face I can’t even remember by the way, that I end up doing for _you?”_

Blaine squirms under his gaze but still holds his glare in place, though guilt starts eating at the edges of his skin. “Don’t make me sound like such a burden.”

“You’re not listening to me.” Sebastian says calmly, taking a step forward. He shakes his head as snowflakes pepper the scarf and beanie Blaine has on, an almost fond smile touching the other’s lips.

“I don’t care about him. I care about _you_.” He tugs gently at his scarf, Blaine blames the blush coating his cheeks on frostbite. Yep, he’s definitely getting frostbite.

The words are out of his mouth before he can really stop them, to say something else instead. “So convincing when your tongue was down his throat.”

He expects Sebastian to leave, to turn around and walk to the café without another look back at him or at least look angry but instead he just smiles, slow and soft.

“Jealousy is such a good look on you.”

Blaine groans lightly, looking away. “Shut up.”

“Get coffee with me.” The hand that’s on his scarf sneaks down between them and grabs Blaine’s gloved hand, squeezes. “Come on. They might not have pumpkin spice lattes anymore but I’m willing to bet you have a favorite for every season.”

The shorter chews the inside of his cheek, a small smile tugging at the ends of his mouth. Can’t help it. Stupid attractive Sebastian with his long limbs and snow in his air and chill kissed red cheeks and flirtatious disposition. It’s infectious.

“Mocha latte with a shot of peppermint.” He mumbles. “It’s like Christmas in a cup.”

Sebastian snorts, shaking his head as he starts tugging him towards the café, hand in hand. “So not surprised.”

000

He’s always loved ice skating since he was little; he’s had a knack for balance that even his brother doesn’t have. Though regardless of Cooper’s lack of talent on the ice, they’ve been planning a little get together for a while now (Blaine hasn’t been counting down to it on his calendar…that’d be ridiculous…) to go to the skating rink at the beginning of winter break. It’s been a long time since he’s had scheduled time with his brother, with his random odds and ends commercial jobs and the many responsibilities of Dalton.

So yeah, he’s been looking forward to spending time with him before the madness of holidays seep in. Which is why he should have realized when Cooper _promised_ he’d be there a week before his break that those plans would deteriorate just like his promise.

Blaine’s disappointed, of course, but it’s… He knows he’s going to see him for Christmas along with all of his family but it’s _more_ than that because can’t his brother turn down one _ridiculous_ shampoo or credit score or we-buy-any-car commercial to spend time with him?

It probably would have been easier to handle, to sulk on his own time with a smile on his face while he was around friends and classmates, but he’s been talking about it for _weeks._ So when the marked day on his calendar comes and goes, Nick gives him a small smile that’s laced with pity, Trent keeps awkwardly squeezing his shoulder almost every time he sees him and Jeff downplays the act of skating to a point where it’s almost aggravating.

He’s about to hole up in his room for days and just avoid _everyone_ until Christmas break when Sebastian’s solution to disappointment pops up.

Which is Scandals, of course.

And once again he’s really wondering why he lets Sebastian convince him to come along, the car ride warm with the snow outside but tedious given his current mood.

“Are you going to pout the whole way there?”

Blaine sighs, letting out a small sound before running a hand over his face. “I’m not pouting.” He grumbles.

Sebastian smirks, shaking his head as he leans back against the seat. “Right.” He’s quiet for a moment before turning right at an intersection. “You can’t possibly tell me this isn’t how you pictured spending your night,” He teases lightly, making Blaine shake his head. “Stale free beer, dancing to awful music, guys hitting on you.” He grins. “Including me.”

Blaine smiles a little even though he tries to fight it off, he looks at his hands. “You ditching me for some guy at the bar…”

“Offended, Anderson. I have _some_ standards. I’m all yours tonight.” Blaine hums, not sure if he believes him or not. “I go places for you. God awful pumpkin patches and beaches and Halloween parties—”

Blaine snorts. “Half of those _were_ your ideas.”

“—hot summer days spent out in the grass, _honestly,_ and I didn’t pout once.”

“You had a _permanent_ scowl on your face for most of them.” He interjects.

“The least you can do is go to Scandals for me.” Sebastian continues before looking over at him and grinning. “I promise. No threesomes unless you’re included.”

Blaine makes a noise and pokes Sebastian’s side. “ _Incorrigible.”_

“So many compliments.”

A warm, comfortable silence falls over the car, Blaine leaning back into his seat for the rest of the drive. He lets his eyes slip closed, a safe embrace created from the space between him and Sebastian encompassing his entire body. It’s familiar in a way that he’s almost forgotten in the time they weren’t speaking to one another. When they lost their friendship (if he can even call it that) between the cracks of mistakes, regrets and guilt.

He’s glad he’s got him back but terrified about what it means. He tries not to dwell on that for too long at a time. Blaine _likes_ being in this gray area, in this nothingness, where he doesn’t feel the ache of heartbreak, or pressure. That’s what it’s always been like with Sebastian. Thoughtless, easy. And that’s what he needs right now, even though he knows he can’t stay there forever because that it’s not exactly who _he_ is.

But maybe Blaine could do with a little change.

He opens his eyes when he realizes that they haven’t reached Scandals yet, which is odd because they should have been there by now. It’s dark and there’s only so many streetlights on, it actually takes him a minute to assess where they are. Surely Sebastian hasn’t gotten lost, he probably has the location of Scandals tattooed on his brain somewhere. Could probably drive there without opening his eyes.

“Are you—do you know where we’re going?” Blaine asks after a moment, sitting up in his seat.

“No wise ass remark about how you’re pretty sure I was born at Scandals?” Sebastian asks, giving him a look before smirking.

“I was getting there…” Blaine frowns. “Too stubborn to ask for directions?”

“We’re not lost. I know where I’m going.”

“But Scandals has to be—” Sebastian makes another turn into a parking lot and that’s when Blaine realizes that they’re not going to Scandals. In fact, there’s not a gay bar in sight.

They’re at an ice skating rink.

It’s small according to any standard, especially the one he was going to go to with Cooper that was in Lima, past McKinley, or the ones he’s seen and been to in New York. It’s a tiny rink, oval shaped, set outside against the trees. There’s bright lights and a small cabin attached where you can rent skates or get hot chocolate. It’s filled with parents and little kids and the parking lot has far too many mini-vans.

It’s probably overpriced and won’t have his skate size and the ice will be jam-packed with kids. But Blaine’s never been happier.

“This…” He trails off. Had he really been in _that_ bad of a mood that he hadn’t realized what Sebastian had been up to?

Sebastian smiles softly, turns the engine off and pockets his keys. He hums a little, undoing his seat belt. “Don’t worry. I’m sure I can still find someone here that won’t mind blowing me in the bathroom.”

“You…you didn’t have to do this.” Blaine says, looking over at him as he undoes his seatbelt. He swallows thickly, very _touched_ in a way that Sebastian as never made him feel before. He doesn’t know how to convey it with words.

But the way Sebastian looks at him, has his hand wander over and squeeze Blaine’s fingers he knows. Can read it on his face like the words are there, as plain as day, etched into his pores.

“No one could stand your pouting anymore.” He teases lightly.

He opens his mouth to say something else but Blaine doesn’t give him the chance to. He leans over and presses his mouth to his, swallowing his words. Sebastian doesn’t move for a moment before he melts, he can literally feel his body buckle into his touch almost seamlessly. His hand slides off his lap and cups the side of Blaine’s face, his thumb running over his cheekbone. Their bodies pull back a few moments later, soft puffs of air brushing against his skin.

His kiss with Sebastian is different than what he expects it to be, because he’s thought about it, regardless of how many times he tries to deny to others and himself that he hasn’t. Blaine has kissed his cheek before, the corner of his mouth, his upper and lower lip but _this—_ The mouth to mouth is everything and nothing all at once and somehow _unexpected_ because Sebastian embodies that feeling. He’s always been able to take him by surprise even though that’s clearly the best and worst thing about him.

“Do you even know how to skate?” Blaine whispers, not sure he could get his voice up an octave even if he wanted to.

Sebastian shrugs his shoulder, giving him a side smile as he pulls back. “How hard can it be.”

000

Blaine’s a natural when it comes to skating, he always has been. So the moment his skates are on and his beanie is in place he’s gliding out around parents and children in small, even and smooth circles. The air on his face is brisk and smells like snow, his fingers are cold in his pockets because he hadn’t thought to bring gloves to end up at Scandals for the night but he can’t care less. He circles through the oval one more time, seamlessly weaving his way through people to stop at a wall where he’s left Sebastian.

He grins at him. “You know toddlers are moving on this ice faster than you.”

“Shut up,” Sebastian rolls his eyes. “It’s not as easy as it looks.”

Blaine smirks, gaze following Sebastian’s long limbs. His feet are close together, skates slipping against the surface of the ice. He has a death grip on the railing and he’s shivering under his peacoat. His ears are red from not having a hat and Blaine almost feels guilty that he’s so out of his element.

But it’s sort of…nice to see Sebastian this way, not prepared, snarky as a defense mechanism instead of cockiness because he’s not as good at something he feels he should be.

“It’s not that hard,” Blaine promises, nudging one of Sebastian’s feet with his own. “I can teach you.”

He lets out a short breath that puffs in the cold air like cigarette smoke. “No thanks.”

“Are you afraid to let go of the wall?” Blaine’s hand comes down on Sebastian’s knuckles, rubbing gently. There’s a teasing tone to his voice but he understands that fear far more than the other probably understands.

He gets the fear of falling.

The feeling of no control, of what happens when you hit the ground, the cracks that appear, that don’t disappear. He understands that more than anything. Especially since being _around_ Sebastian makes him feel like he’s in freefall half the time.

“Come on.” He grins, inching forward so he’s in Sebastian’s personal space. The taller straightens his back but his fingers don’t release the grip on the bar. Blaine tugs gently at his coat, trying to inch him off the edge. He doesn’t budge.

“Don’t.” Sebastian shakes his head but smiles down at him, leaning down to try and steal a quick kiss.

Blaine turns his head so that his lips land on his jawline. “I’ll give you a kiss if you let go of the railing.”

He gets a good grip on his coat and starts tugging him anyways, a noise getting stuck in Sebastian’s throat as his skates start to slide across the ice.

“Stop, I mean it. I will leave you here and you can walk home.” Sebastian insists, Blaine laughing to the point where he almost bends at the waist at the empty threat.

“Stop being so dramatic.” Blaine’s words are hugged by chuckles, his fingers curling against Sebastian’s coat. “It’s easy.” He repeats.

“Yeah for _you.”_ His knuckles turn white as he hangs on to the bar with his one hand, the other falling to his side. “You’re a natural.”

Blaine beams up at him. “Got to have some talents, right?”

Sebastian grins at the opening. “Oh yeah? What are some of your _other_ talents, Blaine.”

It’s not a question because it sounds like Sebastian is going to start guessing and Blaine takes the distracted opportunity to yank him off the wall. Sebastian actually _squawks_ as he stumbles forward into Blaine, the shorter wrapping his arms around him to steady him.

They almost run into another couple as they skate past when Sebastian tries to stand up straight without falling on his ass.

“Relax.” Blaine says, hands stilling on his forearms. “Open your legs a little.”

“If I had a nickel for every time I heard _that_ one—” Sebastian manages to grin.

“I will knock you on your ass.” Blaine threatens lightly. “Now come on, do it.”

Sebastian lets out a short breath and complies, his legs sliding slightly apart, making it easier to balance himself. He’s fine for a few moments until a kid skates past him, bumping into his leg, causing him to latch onto Blaine with a death-like grip.

“I got you.” Blaine says easily, fingers rubbing a spot on his wrist. “Straighten your back, yeah. Like that.” He lets go of his one forearm, moving parallel. “Moving is easy, just, side to side—” He demonstrates slowly. “One foot in front of the other.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sebastian grumbles, moving at a snail’s pace once he’s convinced he’s not going to fall.

They manage to make it a few feet at a time, stopping every so often as Sebastian regains his balance. His grip isn’t as harsh on his arm anymore, their fingers moving until they’re laced between them.

“I thought you had really good balance.” Blaine says after a moment. “Your steps and routines in Warbler practices are always flawless.”

“Well good thing we never have to perform on _ice.”_ He wisecracks, letting out a short breath that lends to how much patience he’s focusing on his movements.

Blaine’s body is the complete opposite, he’s relaxed and fluid while all the tension lies in Sebastian’s shoulders, his straight back, his nearly locked knees.

“Do you have plans for winter break?” Blaine asks, trying to distract Sebastian from watching his feet.

“Why? Are you asking me out?”

He smiles softly, tugs down his beanie over his ears and shivers. “Just curious.”

Before he and Kurt broke up, he had plans to visit him in New York, had plans to meet when he came back to Lima to see his family, to have Christmas dinner together, too many things that won’t happen now. So part of it _is_ curiosity, another because he wants some of Sebastian’s time if he has it.

“My holiday breaks usually involve avoiding family get togethers and taking advantage of specials at Scandals.” Sebastian turns and looks at him. “There was a ‘ring my jingle bells’ two for one special last year.”

Blaine snorts. “Of course there was.”

They manage a small left in the oval but it takes Sebastian a few moments to adjust to a turn in direction.

“Your plans?” Sebastian asks when they start skating forward again.

Blaine shrugs. “Family dinners. I was going to go to New York but…”

Sebastian hums. “You still could. It’s a big city, lot of things to do.”

He gives him a small smile. “I don’t know. Cooper will be in town so I don’t want to miss him.”

“Right. More plans he can cancel at the last minute.”

Blaine doesn’t miss the hint of protectiveness hidden underneath the syllables but he winces nonetheless. “He’s busy. I get that, he has a job that requires his full attention.”

Sebastian roll his eyes. “He’s in _car commercials,_ not a multi-billion dollar film for Christ’s sake.”

He sighs softly but says nothing, watching parents try and maneuver their children across the ice with little to no disasters. He knows Cooper is busy…but he also knows, deep down where he doesn’t want to admit, that Sebastian is sort of right. Cooper breaks plans with him because he knows he’ll always be there willing to remake them.

And that’s...that’s fine except…

“Did you tell him you were upset about him not coming tonight?”

Blaine swallows, somehow feeling like Sebastian already knows the answer to his question. “It’s not like the night didn’t turn out nice.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Sebastian stops them, tugs on Blaine’s arm and almost makes him stumble. Why does he feel like they’re about to have an argument about this?

He skids to the side so he’s facing him, a full bodied shiver starting at the base of his spine. He’s starting to feel the frigidness of the ice seep through the thin layers of his clothing. “My brother ended up having plans and he canceled, it’s not like—”

“And he’ll _continue_ to cancel because you never tell him how much it hurts.”

Blaine glances to his right and then down at the ice, the cracks and marks from skates suddenly far more interesting. He knows exactly what Sebastian is alluding to even though he wants to pretend he doesn’t. He’s got walls. Not many people notice but Sebastian _has,_ probably because he has them too. Just different heights, in different places. But they’re kindred spirits like that.

“It doesn’t matter.” He says, his voice weak and lacking intention which makes Sebastian scoff.

“It _does_ matter because it matters to you.”

Blaine’s walls are very different from Sebastian’s. While they both try to hide them in different ways, he’s more successful at convincing people that they don’t exist at all. Because unlike Sebastian, he’s kind, and sweet, he’s very open to people, he’s not as guarded, he’s friendly, he walks around with a cheery disposition and an optimistic smile.

But of course Sebastian can see right through that. Understands he has walls of his own.

“You let people walk on you because you never tell them how you really feel.”

There’s a tense wave that flows across Blaine’s shoulders, some bricks falling into place, making a wall that much higher. “I _feel_ like I don’t want to have this conversation.” He says defensively and let’s go of Sebastian’s hand.

He’s about to skate away, around the oval a few times to blow off steam, or to get off the ice and go back to the car to call it a night—he’s not sure. But he doesn’t get very far before Sebastian grabs his arm.

“Blaine—”

He must have had enough momentum going forward because when Sebastian grabs onto his arm, Blaine accidently tugs him into the motion and the other’s skates slip against the ice. It happens very fast, Sebastian loses his balance and Blaine tries to steady him but it’s too late. A grunt leaves his lips as they both tumble onto the ice, a short hiss echoing out of Sebastian’s mouth as Blaine lands right on top of him.

“Cleanup on aisle three!” Someone yells at them from across the rink and Blaine can’t help but chuckle lightly, embarrassed blush coating his cool cheeks. Obviously not the _best_ dramatic exit he’s ever done.

Blaine looks down at him, giving him a small, flustered smile. He just wants to forget the past conversation, pretend they never had it. Because he doesn’t know how he feels about the fact that Sebastian seems to know him so well, even past the places he doesn’t want anyone to see.

The only other person he let scaffold those walls had been…

“You alright?” He asks.

Sebastian winces but doesn’t respond right away, Blaine landing on his chest obviously knocked the wind out of him. “You’re not as light as you appear to be.” He chokes out.

Blaine shifts but doesn’t move to get off him yet. “Life is full of disappointments.” He teases. “You’re not exactly as _soft_ as I thought you’d be.”

The taller tilts his head up and smirks at him. “ _Definitely_ not soft with you moving on top of me like this.” He grins.

“Oh my God.” Blaine groans, making a face as he rolls off of Sebastian and gets on his knees. He manages enough momentum to stand, trying to brush the frost off his clothes as Sebastian skids and slips at an attempt to get up.

“Help me.” He glares at him, offering his hand.

Blaine just smiles, putting his hands on his knees and leaning down to look at him. “Or I’m going to walk home?” He teases.

Sebastian shakes his head but can’t help but grin. “Cheeky shit. Come on, my ass is going numb.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want to ruin one of your greatest assets.” Blaine rolls his eyes but offers his hand to tug him up. It takes a few moments but Sebastian is eventually upright, his hand never letting go of Blaine’s.

“Did you just compliment my ass? If you think _that’s_ great, you should see what I can do with my mo—”

“Finish that sentence and you’ll be on the ice again.” Blaine interrupts with a serious look.

But all Sebastian can do is laugh, eventually forcing a smile on to Blaine’s face.

000

Winter break is more than wanted by the time it greets them. The snow is starting to come down in thick heavy flakes when he heads home for the holidays and he accepts the time off with welcome arms, too weighed down as of late by the last minute semester finals and papers. He’s got readings and Warbler meetings and assignments to plan over break but just the fact that he can sleep in and enjoy time to himself again is just what he needs.

It feels good to be back home, a comfort that a dorm room can’t ever seem to provide. He lies in his own bed and watches _Indiana Jones_ on his laptop, he bakes cookies with his mom (and cupcakes and learns the not-so-secret Anderson French toast recipe), he helps his father address Christmas cards, decorates Christmas trees and shovels snow.

When his brother comes home it’s a _slew_ of family dinners, movie nights and all the skating in twenty degrees with a wind chill factor of five that Blaine can handle. He barely has time to see Sebastian but when he does it’s like…finding his way back all over again, if that even makes sense. He has no idea when _Sebastian_ has started to embody this feeling of comfort and warmth and _home_ but he has. Which Blaine avidly refuses to admit to anyone, especially himself sometimes.

He makes time for Sebastian even though he barely has any to spare with the holiday season quickly approaching and his brother being home. Sebastian surprises him, however, is willing to take any time that he has. He even comes to family dinners, sits with him at his house as Blaine hangs decorations and puts ornaments on trees.

His mother says it means something but he’s not so sure. She tends to see too much into small interactions and conversations that don’t really mean anything. He admires the way she’s always positive but sometimes she has a bad habit of inflating situations with hope to only have them deflate like a balloon running into a pin.

This is a woman who very much trusts in instinctual things; a petite sweetheart who’s a bit shorter than Blaine (if one can imagine), encompassing a general warmth and profound sassiness that makes up for what she might be lacking in height. She believes in fate and matters not just falling to chance. Which is easy for her to say, seeing as how she’s found her soulmate in his father.

But as much as Blaine wants to believe that…he’s just not sure if that’s how the world actually works.

“Did you have a nice night?” His mother asks as he wanders into the kitchen, taking his coat off.

“Yeah,” He smiles, sitting down on the island chair. “Was really great.”

She moves to put a pot of tea on even though he just came back from the Lima Bean. Though he supposes life is too short not to enjoy a cup of tea. He watches her a minute, taking his beanie off and setting it on the table, scrubbing his hand through his curls.

“So…you just went for coffee, hmm?” She asks, leaning on the table across from him, her eyebrows arching.

Blaine opens and closes his mouth. “Yes?” He’s not quite sure where she’s going with this even though it’s obvious she’s trying to take it _somewhere._ “Just coffee.”

His mother pulls away from the counter and gets mugs out of the cabinet above the stove, setting them down to put teabags in. “You’ve been going out a lot with Sebastian.” She doesn’t look at him as she says it but he can _hear_ something in her tone even though he can’t exactly decipher it.

It’s not that she disapproves, he and his parents had talked _a lot_ about what had happened between the two of them. The slushie incident and bad blood between Dalton and McKinley. He’s over it. He’s forgiven Sebastian and he’s told his parents as such. Even though they were reluctant at first, as most protective parents are, they’ve significantly warmed up to the idea the longer their friendship stays intact and grows. They trust his judgment and that means more than he can say.

“I’m just saying,” She says lightly, a little teasing in her voice. “He’s been coming over more and more, he’s been to dinners, your brother seems to approve of him in that…odd way he sort of does…” She trails off.

Blaine runs a hand over his face. “By pointing at him? Yes, I know. Someone needs to tell him to stop doing that.”

She smirks. “And _just_ coffee three nights in a row?”

He stares at her a moment. “Have you been talking to Cooper?” Because this sort of odd conversation has his brother written all over it.

The tea kettle whistles and she moves to turn the fire off, pouring hot water into each of their mugs. “Goodness no, I’m merely saying that there’s coffee…and then there’s _getting_ coffee.”

He frowns a little, not sure what she’s implying until it hits him, _hard._ He nearly falls off the island stool. “Oh god, _Mom_ ‘getting coffee’ isn’t a euphemism. We _literally_ went to the Lima Bean. He bought this time.”

She laughs, sitting down at the table across from him, scooting his mug closer. “Alright, alright. I guess I’m just…trying to say it’s nice seeing you out there with another boy after Kurt.” She smiles, like she knows something even he doesn’t. “Even if it is just getting coffee.”

Blaine smiles at her and shakes his head, not saying much other than ‘yeah, it is really nice’, because it _is_ nice to feel like he has someone that he can depend on again.

When he goes upstairs and digs his phone out of his pocket there’s a text from Kurt. He doesn’t always believe in his mother’s standpoint on the universe but if _that’s_ not serendipity he’s not sure what is.

And it’s like the dam of silence must shatter between them because he hasn’t spoken to Kurt in months and suddenly there’s one text from him. And one turns into two. And two turns into a conversation.

So yeah, he’s been talking to Kurt because apparently they do that now. Talk.

Just a little bit here and there, texts from Kurt asking him how he is, Blaine inquiring about his classes, about New York, about Christmas and how he wants to spend it. He’s glad that they’re talking more, even if it is a little formal. They’ve always been good friends, ironically, and he thinks a lot about how it’s unfortunate that strong bond between them never flourished in their relationship. That they were broken down and deteriorated by secrets and distance and tension, unsaid feelings.

Sebastian was right when he said that Blaine intentionally keeps things to himself, how he feels, because it’s always more important to make sure the other personhas his support, or a shoulder to cry on. Someone to talk to or to physically be there for them.

It’s how he’s always operated.

So maybe being friends will be better for them. Maybe more will be accomplished. Regardless, he’s happy that Kurt reached out even though something in the back of his mind keeps nagging at him that he shouldn’t even bother, that Kurt doesn’t deserve his forgiveness and friendship or attention. But he’s never been that person and he’s never been able to say no to him even when he thinks he should.

A friendship won’t hurt. Right?

000

“Talking is good though, I mean…that’s what you wanted?” James asks as he presses on the mouth of a keg, filling up his red cup.

He has no idea how his roommate, of all people, has become someone he can actually talk to and ask for advice but here they are talking about Kurt. Nick is having a house party, dedicating it to a long and relaxing winter break for all of them. It’s a small get-together, mostly the Warblers and other odds and end lacrosse players but it’s nice, fun. Blaine’s already done three rounds of karaoke and has been yanked into spin the bottle too many times.

“Yeah, it’s good. I think.” He scrunches his nose and shakes his head when James offers him a cup of beer.

“Driving?”

“No.” Blaine rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet, sticking his hands in his cardigan pockets.

“You going to get back together with him?”

He’s a little caught off guard by the topic jump and thinks about it for a moment, not sure as to what he should actually say. He and Kurt worked together for a little while and he _misses_ that connection he thought he had with him. But…he’s afraid that, even if they developed a stronger friendship, that a relationship would just screw it up again. He knows that _he_ was the one that ended his relationship with Kurt (because he felt like he had no other choice. Because he’d rather have done the breaking than _feel_ broken in half) But what’s to say that they wouldn’t run into the same problems they encountered before if they somehow got back together.

Wouldn’t they?

“No, I uh…” He shakes his head, looks down at his shoes a minute before leaning against the kitchen counter.

He can hear a rowdy game of beer pong going on in the living room, a non-Warbler trying to croon out a song but getting the lyrics all wrong.

“I don’t think it’d work out between us anymore. We’re too different.” He wants to say that he’s not sure it would work out because Kurt has changed into someone he doesn’t recognize, into someone different than the person he met on those stairs at Dalton and fell in love with.

James smiles at him, shrugs his shoulder. “Opposites attract, don’t they?”

A small laugh leaves Blaine’s lips, forcefully swallowing down bubbles of hope as they threaten to reach the surface. “Yeah, I uh—I guess so. Depends on the two people I think.”

“What about you and Sebastian?”

He looks over at his roommate not expecting that correlation in their conversation, his eyebrows arching a bit in question. “What about us?”

“You’re into him aren’t you?” James sips his beer. “He’s into you.”

Blaine shakes his head, scoffing. “Sebastian’s into _everyone_.”

“It’s different with you.” James shrugs, leans back against the counter as he turns to face Blaine. He watches Nick and Jeff from across the room as they come into the kitchen, holding hands, Jeff complaining that they’re almost out of ice and Nick kissing his nose in response.

But Blaine’s focus never leaves James’s face, hazel eyes tracing the lines, trying to read words off his skin. “And how would you know that?” He asks, eager to know if there’s some way to actually _understand_ Sebastian in a way he’s missed before.

Does Sebastian talk about him during lacrosse practice? Or in passing in the locker room? Probably nothing more than lewd comments about his ass, smirking around his words. He finds it very hard to believe that Sebastian goes out of his way to talk about his ‘feelings’ to James, of all people.

James turns his head and smirks, grins at him as he lifts his cup and takes another sip. He’s not quite sure he _likes_ that knowing sort of look he’s giving him—it’s reminding him too much of the look on his mother’s face right before she admits she knows something he thinks she doesn’t.

“Because I pay attention.”

Blaine chews on his lower lip, glancing at movement he sees through the living room. It’s Sebastian and he’s putting his coat on, looks like he’s leaving. He’s caught between wanting to go and having his feet planted on the floor.

It’s late but he never intended on spending the night even though he knows he’d have the invitation if he really wants it. Cooper’s living at home for the holiday break so he _could_ in theory call him if he really wants to get picked up to go home—but something tugs hard at his stomach as he watches Sebastian pull on his coat, search for his gloves in his pockets, adjust his scarf.

He’s leaving.

Not for good or something, like completely out of his life, (even though for some reason the dropping sensation in his chest is trying to convince him otherwise). He’s just heading home from the party. Watching him as he sneaks away from the crowd, slide out the front door, Blaine feels like he’s slipping right through his fingers the further Sebastian walks away from the house.

“You should go.” James says, nudging his shoulder, pointing with a nod in the direction of Sebastian. Like he can somehow sense his anxiety just by looking at him; there’s a tinge of an amused smile on his lips.

Blaine sighs softly and gives James a small smile before nodding, moving through the crowd of people. He yanks his coat out of the closet in the hallway and tugs it on haphazardly, trying to rush out of the house so he doesn’t miss him.

“Hey!” Blaine calls as Sebastian just gets to his car, the taller turning to look at him. “Where you going?”

Sebastian smirks a little, unlocking his car. “This party sucks, I’m heading home.”

“It’s not _that_ bad.” Blaine pulls his scarf out of his sleeve and finally bundles up his coat, shivering as they stand in the snow. A burst of wind hits them from the right and he scrunches his nose. “Feels like it might snow again.”

“It sucks.” Sebastian repeats, glancing from the house to Blaine. “Too much karaoke, not enough alcohol.”

He shrugs, fixing the buttons on his coat before sticking his hands in his pockets. “Just because it’s not a two for one holiday special at Scandals doesn’t mean you have to be cranky. It’s nice just to have something to bring everyone together.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, shifting on his feet until he turns to face him. He opens the car door, like he’s literally trying to create a barrier between them. “I’m not cranky.”

Blaine hums, his feet cold from standing in the snow, a small smile tugging at his mouth. “ _Yes_ , you are but alright. Whatever you say.”

“Did you need something?” Sebastian asks, hints of annoyance clipping through his tone.

He opens and closes his mouth wondering if he should just go back inside, enjoy the party, eventually call Cooper. But snow is continuously starting to fall, cold fronts blowing in from all angles. It’s going to be miserable to drive in soon, something he doesn’t want to drag his brother into. So he either stays the night at Nick’s or—

“Can I get a ride home with you?”

Sebastian seems to actually consider his question for a moment before sighing, rolling his eyes and motioning to the passenger door. Blaine moves quickly, like he might change his mind between the instant of getting in the car and starting the engine. He wades through the snow to the other side of the car, getting in and closing the door with a shudder.

“As much as I love winter I hate being cold.” Blaine comments, clicking his seatbelt into place. Small talk seems appropriate but Sebastian doesn’t say anything back. Instead he starts the car and turns the heat on full blast.

He distantly wonders what could have put Sebastian into such a sour mood, whether he came to the party that way or something happened while he was there. Either the way, the iciness he feels fill the small space of the car is somehow colder than the frigid weather outside.

Sebastian pulls out of the driveway and heads down the street, the drive slow and steady given the snow and ice on the ground. There’s salt trucks trying to catch up with winter but of course they can’t quite seem to do it. The other’s driving is slow and calculated, paying close attention to black ice, slush and the snow starting to blanket the windshield despite the windshield wipers.

Blaine suddenly feels guilty that he’s forcing Sebastian out of his way to take him home given the weather. “You didn’t have to take me home, you know, I could have just stayed at Nick’s.” He says, rubbing his hands together on his lap.

Sebastian glances in his rearview mirror and steadies his hands on the wheel, looking over at him for a brief instance with a small sour pout to his mouth. Right, well, he figures he _did_ ask but…it’s not like he really minded staying at Nick’s.

But the real reason he asked for a ride home was to be able to spend time with Sebastian, to talk to him, because if he’s being honest the party somehow seemed less entertaining without him there.

Though with the ice front he’s been hit with since he got into the car, Blaine’s not sure whether he should have asked for a ride home at all.

“And leave you there to pout?” Sebastian teases lightly but there’s still a certain bitterness to his voice. “Everyone there at that party would have been miserable.”

Blaine rolls his eyes, leaning back against the seat. “Speaking of _miserable_ ,” He glances over at him pointedly. “Something is off with you.”

Sebastian’s fingers grip the steering wheel, skin sliding against leather. “Just because I’m not actively flirting with you at this very moment doesn’t mean something is wrong.”

They turn down another road, this one is more taken care of then the last, less icy patches thanks to the amount of salt. The sky is rapidly growing darker, dark blues fading into black against streetlights.

Instead of going straight at the next intersection, Sebastian turns left down a hill to navigate his way to Blaine’s. There’s less and less houses, more wooded areas filled with stripped trees and quiet ice. He looks out the window for a few moments into the blackness, shivering despite the warm air in the car.

“You always flirt with me,” Blaine points out, his voice slightly teasing. “So clearly—”

“Are you actually concerned or do you miss the attention?” Sebastian interrupts, looking over at him.

Blaine swallows. “Sebastian…” He puts gently because _something_ is definitely not okay. “You know you can tell me anything,” comes out because he’s not sure what else to say. He knows something is wrong but he doesn’t know just where to _press_ to get Sebastian to talk about it.

Blaine’s mouth opens to try and say something else but his phone pings with a message. He digs it out of his pocket, his brother asking about whether he’s heading home or staying at Nick’s, but Sebastian says something like he knows exactly what he’s talking about.

“Kurt?” He asks and Blaine frowns, glancing at him, fingers still hovering over the touch screen. He must have heard him mentioning Kurt to James, because he hasn’t told him about them talking again yet. Though he can’t quite tell if _that’s_ what Sebastian is agitated about or if he’s just taking the opportunity to deflect.

“No…my brother.” Blaine types in a text that says he’s fine, that he’s getting a ride home from a friend. “But…I have been talking to him more recently. Kurt, I mean.” Because he figures if Sebastian doesn’t know, he should. They’ve been growing closer as friends, or…or _something_ , the two of them. If he can’t talk to Sebastian about this who can he?

Sebastian scoffs, shaking his head but says nothing.

“You think that’s a bad idea?” Blaine prompts quietly, honestly wanting to know Sebastian’s opinion. Because it’s true, sometimes he can’t quite make the right decision when it comes to Kurt. He’s bias, he’s often blindsided by feelings he’s had for him.

And because Sebastian’s right. He lets people walk on him regardless that it’s something he wants to stop from happening.

“You honestly don’t want to know what I think.”

Maybe he shouldn’t _want_ Sebastian’s opinion because…because Sebastian’s never liked Kurt from the beginning. But that doesn’t stop him from wanting to ask the question all over again until he answers because for some reason that opinion matters a lot to him. Because for some _reason_ Sebastian’s always been able to dig under his skin and burrow there and make him reconsider things that he should have been certain of.

He’s about to insist that he honestly _does_ want to know what he’s thinking but the tires suddenly screech across a patch of ice. Sebastian’s quick to try and control the car but it does little good as they slide sideways, down the hill, almost ramming into a guardrail. Blaine puts his hand on the dashboard as they bump to a stop, Sebastian letting out a short breath beside him.

That could have been a lot worse, if Sebastian hadn’t been carefully trying to work his way down the hill the slip against the ice would have sent them tumbling into a crash. Blaine swallows as he watches him try and put his weight on the gas, turning the wheel. They don’t budge, the wheels skid against the snow and slush creating no movement but the hum of the engine.

Sebastian lets his hands fall from the wheel, sighing before leaning his head back. “And now we’re stuck.”

_Stuck in more ways than one, it seems._ But Blaine keeps that comment to himself.

~~

Blaine tries to call Cooper for the third time but his signal keeps dropping. He sighs, glancing outside the windshield before setting his phone on his lap. “Can’t get it to connect because of all the trees.”

Sebastian turns off the engine and the car is plunged into darkness, he hears him shuffling next to him, probably pocketing his keys or taking his own cell phone out. “Well, we can always hold up in the back seat and get creative on how to stay warm until morning.” He suggests. Blaine doesn’t have to see him to know there’s a smirk on his face.

He’s obviously trying not to end up back on the conversation they had before the car slid down the hill.

Blaine rolls his eyes. “Or we can walk out of the woods, get a signal and call Triple A or my brother.” He’s already starting to feel cold with the car off, the sooner they start walking the sooner he can get home to a heated house.

Sebastian leans over into his space, Blaine turning his head at the movement. He can feel his warm breath speckling against his lips and his stomach flutters at the sensation. They haven’t kissed in a while, not since they went ice skating a week or so ago. He doesn’t know how to bring it up, isn’t sure he wants to. Most of the time with Sebastian it’s just easier to keep going instead of backtrack.

Sometimes he looks at Blaine like there’s something he wants to say but chooses not to. Maybe it’s just something Sebastian does with everyone he’s attracted to. Sometimes they hold hands, or kiss, touch, or mention blowjobs like they’re discussing the weather.

It doesn’t have to mean anything. It probably doesn’t. Certainly doesn’t mean that they’re closer than friends. Like boyfriends. Sebastian doesn’t do boyfriends.

But that doesn’t mean Blaine wants to kiss him any less. There’s _always_ been that give and take with Sebastian, that pull he feels in his chest when he’s with him, behind his ribs and sternum.

“Aw come on B,” Blaine swallows, wants to shift until his back hits the door, anything to create space between them—but he can’t seem to get the message to his muscles. “Nothing warms you up like body heat.”

He scoffs a little, pocketing his cell phone, clears his throat and only speaks when he actually trusts his voice not to nervously wobble. “I am not spending the night with you in this car.”

Blaine opens the car door, a blast of cold air cycling in past his body. He shivers, undoing his seatbelt before stepping out into the snow. He can see Sebastian’s face now, even though the light is dim, barely there.

“Okay, so you’re not into the car idea. Are other options open?”

Blaine shuts the door closed in response.

“I’ll take that as a hopeful ‘maybe’.” Sebastian smiles as he gets out of the car himself, closing the door. He takes a hat out of his coat pocket and slips it over his head, making sure to cover his ears with the fabric.

Blaine sticks his hands in his pockets as they start walking down the hill, trying to finish their way out of the woods. He recognizes the dark trees and paths, the winding roads that stretch of the one they’re on—it’s not too far from his house. They should make it there in ten minutes or so on foot.

The world is quiet around them, just the silence of falling snow and the puffed air of one another’s breathing. But it’s somehow comfortable like that in a way Blaine can’t or won’t describe.

“You know,” Sebastian says after a few moments. “If I wouldn’t have been driving you home my car wouldn’t have slid down a hill.”

Blaine sighs, carefully walking near the guard rail as the hill opens up beneath them. Maybe ten more minutes in the freezing snow before they reach his street, five minutes more to make it to his house, two minutes to open the door. Far too much time before he can fully warm himself up and too much time spent with ‘I’m not grumpy’ Sebastian. He’s itching for an argument, he can feel it in the way he speaks to him.

He stops and turns to look at Sebastian, whose a few steps behind him adjusting the scarf around his neck. Blaine scrunches his nose, making the taller put his hands up in light mock surrender before sticking them back in his pockets.

“What?”

“I told you in the car, you didn’t have to bring me home. You could have said no if it bothered you so much.”

“Oh well, you weren’t giving me much choice were you? Standing out in the snow, shivering, those wide doe eyes staring across the space at me?” Sebastian lets out a long breath, rolling his eyes, the puffed air from his mouth circling his cheeks before dissipating into the cold. “Can’t take a joke, Anderson?”

But it’s not a joke, he’s not teasing him, he’s _agitated._ Anyone can see that, especially Blaine, who thinks he knows Sebastian well enough by now to tell when something isn’t right. It’s very confusing, being this close to Sebastian, to constantly be on the edge of knowing him too well and not knowing him at all. A consistent balance that drives him crazy.

The taller turns his head, looks at the woods around them like it’s interesting (more like he’s trying to avoid making direct eye contact with Blaine). “Like I’ve said before, if I really didn’t want to do something with you I wouldn’t.”

He squares his shoulders a little, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Why do you keep letting me drag you places that end up making you miserable.”

Sebastian’s smile is tight. “Because you keep offering to make out with me. Speaking of…you owe me for this.”

Something in the way he says it makes Blaine feel cold inside. Is that _really_ what he expects every time he convinces him to go somewhere? A pumpkin patch, an ice skating rink, a cup of coffee there and here and parties and restaurants. No. He refuses to think that’s all Sebastian is in this for.

“But…you could get that with anyone.” He points out, waving his arm a little to the space between them. “You could get whatever you wanted with _whoever_ you wanted without all the hassle. Without stupid pumpkin patches and tripping your way through ice skating—”

Sebastian interrupts him swiftly, like he can see where this conversation is going, where Blaine is steering it towards. “Don’t try and make this into something it’s not, Blaine.” He warns, something cold like ice against the green of his eyes. Though there’s something else there that Blaine can hear in his voice, mixing with the howl of the wind whistling past his ears. Parts of the walls he keeps maybe, bricks breaking off onto his words. “You offer to make out with me, I take you somewhere I don’t want to go. That’s all this is.”

He swallows, stares at him for a long moment, snow starting to fall again. Flakes rest on the red rose of his cheekbones, kiss his nose, settle on his eyelashes before he lets out a puff of air that sounds like a strangled laugh.

“I don’t believe you."

“It really doesn’t matter if you do or you don’t.” He snaps, like a branch being stepped on, a sound loud and deafening against the cold silence of the woods around them.

He takes a short breath, bristling against the harshness of Sebastian’s words, cheeks stinging with unwanted blush. Blaine shakes his head, turns away from him and begins walking down the hill again. “Let’s just…get out of these damn woods.”

The silence between them is deafening as they start to make it out of the woods, trees disappearing behind them, making the way for rows of houses. They turn onto his street, Blaine digging his phone out of his pocket to search for a signal. He glances over at Sebastian, his tall frame taut with tension, friction.

This attitude couldn’t have appeared out of thin air, this _has_ to be something he can talk about or maybe even fix. He just wishes Sebastian would stop putting up all of his defenses every time he tries.

It _has_ to be about Kurt. Blaine thinks that if he was upset about _anything_ else he wouldn’t be taking it out on him like he has been. And maybe he’s just guessing, maybe Sebastian’s just in a bad mood and it has nothing to do with him or with Kurt but…like an itch he can’t reach he _has_ to know. Because he’s never seen Sebastian like this, not really, not broken down into simple phrases or emotions. He’s _always_ has that smirk resting in the corners of his mouth, like a weapon, always has a sharp comment on his tongue, always ready for any and every opportunity to flirt with him. Just to see him blush.

That’s how he knows that something is wrong. And regardless of the argument it might trigger, he has to ask one more time.

“Look,” Blaine says suddenly, pausing right outside his driveway. Sebastian stops as well, angles his body towards him but that tension still doesn’t leave his shoulders. “If this is about Kurt—”

Sebastian shakes his head and scoffs, his breath puffing into the frigid air like clouds. “It’s not about Kurt.” But something in his voice doesn’t convince him, his posture is tight, shoulders curled in on himself because he’s cold but it looks like he wants to avoid this conversation.

Avoid _him._

He shrugs, a nasty smile covering his lips. “If you want to start talking to him, allow him to walk all over you and break you in half all over again that’s all your own decision.” He sneers.

Blaine stares at him a moment, puts his phone away. Sebastian’s tone is meant to cut through him, like ice, but all it really does is color his vision with realization.

“But it _bothers_ you.”

He looks right back at him like he shouldn’t be the least surprised. “Kurt _bothers_ me.”

Blaine bristles even though he tries hard not to. “I’m the one who broke up with him, remember? It was my decision.”

“You can’t honestly tell me that he didn’t have it coming, _or_ that he wasn’t just going to do the same thing to you.” Sebastian argues, his voice echoing in the soft quiet around them. The snow continues to fall in thick white flakes, covering their shoulders and blanketing the tops of their scarves and beanies.

“There was only room for one thing in his life, Blaine, and it sure as hell wasn’t you.” That ice manages to sneak past the layers of his clothes, seep into his pores, grip itself like a hand around his ribcage. “It was New York.”

Blaine swallows thickly, his eyes leaving Sebastian’s face as he looks at the snow. As much as it stings to hear, still after all this time, somewhere down in the pit of Blaine’s stomach he _knows_ Sebastian is right. Even though he doesn’t want to admit it. Not then and certainly not now.

“You don’t _need_ to make things right with him, Blaine. You might have broken up with him but he was the reason you two didn’t work.” The vulnerability nearly makes him shiver, his shoulders tuck inwards a little as Sebastian takes a step closer. He takes one back, making the other smirk.

The shorter shakes his head as Sebastian encroaches on his space. He doesn’t move again, lets the gap fill between them, can almost feel the other’s body heat with how close he’s getting. A short breath leaves his mouth, speckling the other’s face.

Blaine shudders but stands his ground, his eyes flickering over Sebastian’s face, how snowflakes kiss his cheekbones and eyelashes. He focuses _very pointedly_ on anything that’s not his mouth given their proximity.

“You don’t know me as well as you like to think you do.” He says, his voice not as annoyed as he would have liked.

Sebastian smiles slowly, reaches out to tug on Blaine’s beanie and gets his hand swatted away. He chuckles. “Yes.” He says, stressed syllables hanging on every word. “I do.”

A sharp shiver travels down his spine as Sebastian leans closer, his body glued into place as their noses brush, lips nearly touching. His stomach prickles with heat, fluttering sensations licking the bottom of his ribcage. He knows he’s not helping his case the longer he stands there but for some reason no matter how deep he reaches into himself he can’t move. Blaine can’t push Sebastian away even though the last thing he wants is to give him the satisfaction of how much he _does_ get to him.

Before Blaine thinks he might let himself melt into his words, the _moment_ he might just buckle regardless of what he’s been saying is when Sebastian takes a step back. Blaine doesn’t know whether he’s more relieved or disappointed.

Sebastian digs his phone out of his pocket, tapping the screen a few times before bringing it up to his ear. Probably calling Triple A. Blaine watches him, the other’s eyes not even meeting his own before he says “You’re only bothered by the fact that it _doesn’t_ bother you at all.”

It comes out of his mouth so matter-of-fact that it almost sounds like he’s talking about something mundane, his car stuck in the snow, or the weather maybe. Someone picks up on the other end and Sebastian turns to talk to them, to describe his predicament and what happened.

Blaine stands there, the snow pressing against his legs, melting against his jeans and sticking to his skin.

And the space between them is cold and empty again.

~~

It takes about two hours for Triple A to get to Sebastian’s car, Blaine’s mother pulling them both inside before they catch their death. They sit through a tense round of hot chocolate, Sebastian being _sickeningly_ sweet to his mother, making her laugh at jokes. _Almost_ making the ends of Blaine’s mouth tug into a smile as well as his lips rest against the mug of his hot cocoa. He’d be willing to smile right along with them if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s angry at him (even though he keeps tripping over the reason _why_ as he kicks it around in his head).

“If you make that face long enough it’s going to stick like that.” Sebastian warns teasingly about the pout on his face.

He scowls at him, taking a sip of hot chocolate in response. Blaine’s mother laughs lightly, the sound filtering throughout the kitchen before she puts her hand on his wrist. “You alright, dear?”

“Just cold.” Blaine mumbles by way of explanation, not willing to go into it any further.

Sebastian’s phone rings, saving him from any other uncomfortable cross examinations and he checks the caller I.D. before picking up. He can literally _feel_ his mother’s eyes on him but he refuses to look at her. Not now, not with Sebastian sitting right at the counter with them.

“Well, that’s my ride.” He says, standing and grabbing his scarf. He loops it around his neck, Blaine watching the movements before looking down at his hot chocolate. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Anderson.”

“Oh please, Sebastian.” She smiles, standing from the table as well. “Call me Jill and you know it’s no trouble at all. I’m just glad you two got here safe.”

Blaine rolls his eyes as Sebastian hums, trying Jill out on his tongue. “I will.” He promises, tugging his coat on.

He looks down at Blaine, he can feel his eyes on him, burning into the pores of his skin but he shouldn’t look up at him. He _shouldn’t—_ and yet. The shorter glances up at him, his fingers wrapping around his mug, squeezing, he swears he hears the ceramic start to buckle under the force.

Sebastian smiles at him, adjusting his scarf under his coat. “Goodbye Blaine.”

Blaine stares at him, hazel eyes taking in his bright green ones, highlighted only by the maroon of his scarf. He opens his mouth to say something but it takes too long and gets stuck in his throat, his mother squeezes his shoulder and smiles at Sebastian again before moving to hug him.

Blaine almost finds himself with a soft smile on his lips as Sebastian has to lean down to wrap his arms around her to accommodate for their height difference.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been over Sebastian,” Blaine’s pretty sure she’s about to offer him hot chocolate to go but instead she says, “As always it’s so nice to see you. Right Blaine?”

He clears his throat. “Oh yeah, his presence is downright charming.”

Sebastian grins, winking at him. “You’re welcome. See you later, killer.”

Blaine and his mother watch him leave, the sound of the door echoing close burrowing into his skin, between his bones and muscles, an ache settling on top of his stomach. He clears his throat, glances down into his mug, his hot chocolate gone cold.

He hops off the stool to put it in the microwave, his mother quietly hovering around him which just means only one thing: she wants to talk to him about something. He tries to avoid it as long as he can, shuffling in place, watching the green digital numbers count down until the microwave beeps.

“Oh sweetheart,” She says it like a sigh, Blaine reaching into the mic to get his mug after it finishes heating. “You’ve got it bad, don’t you?”

Blaine fumbles with the mug, damn near _drops_ it as he squeaks out, “What?” making his mother laugh. He’s glad she thinks almost spilling scalding hot chocolate all over himself comical.

“It’s okay if you do, you know,” She slides up next to him, getting the whipped cream out of the fridge to hand it to him. “If you like him, that’d be okay.”

“I don’t—” He hesitates, words turning and stuttering in his mouth, getting lost. “I don’t,” He says again, looks at her. “Not like…not like that.” Blaine shakes the whipped cream can and swirls it around to create a design on the top of his hot chocolate.

She hums gently, he can already tell she doesn’t believe him. Which is fine, he’s not sure he believes himself anyways. “Well anyways, it was nice to see him.” His mother drops the conversation but he figures it’s just for now, in this moment, trying not to pressure him into his mouth snapping closed in terms of talking to her. “He hasn’t been around that much lately.”

Blaine clears his throat and takes a sip of his hot chocolate, licking the whipped cream off his upper lip. He closes his hands around the heat of the mug, tries not to think about the last time he’s touched Sebastian’s hand or felt the warm press of his lips. “He’s been busy, family stuff.”

She puts the whipped cream back into the fridge. “Too busy for you? I doubt it.”

“He and I are just…” He tries to explain but there aren’t really the _words_ to. His mother waits, patient like she always is. “We—he...” He lets out a short breath, a noise building up in his throat that sounds like a groan by the time it leaves his mouth. “He’s just…he’s so _frustrating.”_ Which doesn’t really explain anything at all, but that’s all he can manage to get out.

His mother laughs, the sound light and almost easing the tension-tight ache wrapped around his ribs. She squeezes his shoulder. “I think you need to consider something.” She says, running her thumb over the top of his shoulder near his neck. She pulls her hand back a moment later, Blaine watching her, waiting.

This shouldn’t be that hard. He knows the words but he’s having trouble saying them, having trouble finding the right sounds. It would take less than ten seconds to admit it, to say it out loud, and his mother seems to get that. Like she always does.

He _likes_ Sebastian. He _likes_ him more than he ever thought he could.

And that’s terrifying.

“You _like_ him.” She lets her hand drop from his shoulder and gives him a gentle smile. “Who are you more afraid of admitting it to? Sebastian or yourself.”

Both are equally something he wants to avoid.

000

It’s a few days before Christmas Eve and for some reason his mother thought it’d be a good idea to have a giant family dinner tonight _and_ on Christmas day. He’s not complaining, not exactly, he loves Christmas and he loves when all of his family is gathered in the same place—but it’s not without its issues.

His family has a lot of nuances, which he’s sure is a staple of any large family, but hosting a dinner seems to draw all of it out. His uncle only drinks whiskey and he complains if there is none (while his wife tries to swap his glass with water), his aunt is allergic to apples (which would be fine except his _other_ aunt insists that family get togethers need apple pie), his two cousins don’t get along and Cooper irritates _everyone_ when he tries to show them taped sessions of his commercials.

Regardless of the snags that occur when his family members are piled into one house, he knows how lucky he is. He loves his family and he wouldn’t trade them for the world (okay _...maybe_ his Aunt Anita but only when she starts showing him photo albums of all her cats).

He’s chopping carrots when Cooper saunters into the room, heading straight for the pot of coffee. “You know,” He brushes his thumb over the top half of the blade, setting the carrots aside on the cutting board. “You _could_ help. It won’t hurt, I promise.”

Cooper mumbles something under his breath before carding a hand through his hair, getting himself a mug down from one of the cupboards. “Sorry squirt, I’ve been given decorating duties.” He ruffles Blaine’s hair as he passes, a short squawk leaving the other’s lips.

He fixes his curls quickly. “The outside decorations?” He frowns. “Does mom really think you and ladders and roofs is a good combination?”

The taller grins. “I shot a rain gutter commercial once, I’ll be fine.”

Blaine smiles sweetly, drying his hands on a dish towel. “I was worried about the Christmas decorations.”

Cooper smirks, adds sugar to his coffee. “Someone got up on the wrong side of pleasant this morning. What, no morning text from Sebastian?”

He pauses as he grabs a potato to peel it, a short breath leaving his mouth before he glances over his shoulder at his brother who looks _far_ too pleased with himself. He’s not quite sure if he’s been that _obvious_ or Cooper is selectively observant. He and Sebastian have been quiet on the texting front as of late, he thinks he’s trying to put some distance between them until he feels that swell of disappointment grip at his belly when Sebastian doesn’t get the hint to send him anything either.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asks and he knows he’s asking for it, that he’s probably going to regret poking the bear but Cooper rarely comments on something he doesn’t want to talk about.

Cooper takes another sip of his coffee. “You know what I’m talking about. I’m not the only one who’s seen your hearteyes towards your friend.”

Blaine flushes a bright pink and puts the potato peeler down on the cutting board. “My…my heart—what.”

His brother chuckles. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re not that hard to read kid. I’ve known when you’ve had a crush on someone since you gave one of your favorite bowties to Robert Keen in the second grade.”

“I’ll…have you know it was picture day and he didn’t have anything dressy.”

Cooper smiles and shakes his head, taking a step forward. Blaine watches him carefully but it seems he’s missed how perceptive his brother can be without trying, he can feel him reading the lines on his face as simple as words.

“Just because he’s not Kurt doesn’t mean you need permission to like him, Blaine.”

Blaine swallows, something warm stirring up from his belly and reaching his ribcage. He has no idea how Cooper attained this uncanny ability to just _read_ him recently but he’s been thinking about that a lot lately. About allowing himself to just think about how Sebastian makes him feel.

It’s not about the fact that Sebastian isn’t Kurt…because if he’s being honest, it’s one of the things Blaine likes most about him. Sebastian _isn’t_ Kurt in a million different ways that excite him and most importantly, make him consider things about himself that he hadn’t before.

But Sebastian isn’t the easiest person to fall for. His friends don’t like him, his family (while kind and nonjudgmental) _look_ at him sometimes and see the slushie incident and as capable of being charming and warm as Sebastian can be—he’s also blunt, harsh, and secretive. Those walls he has seem unapproachable and taller by each passing second he’s with him.

“I don’t…” Blaine lets out a slow breath, his cheeks dotting pink as he’s suddenly ripped open and exposed in front of his brother. He doesn’t know how to even put what he’s thinking into words, it’s not something he can say but rather something he just _feels._ “…know how to—”

Cooper puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, his smile genuine and non-teasing. Something Blaine hasn’t seen in a long time, this _supportive,_ grown-up version of Cooper. “It’s not going to be easy,” He says gently. “But nothing worth it ever is.”

Blaine gives him a soft smile as his grip falls from his shoulder, Cooper moving past him to head out of the kitchen through the backdoor. A bundle of nerves settle low in his stomach, heat crawling up his chest and resting along his ribcage. He hates feeling unprepared, like he might be doing the wrong thing, like he’s not quite sure if he’ll end up in one piece by the time he’s finished.

But then again, isn’t that how it always is when it comes to Sebastian.

~~

Maybe his brother and mother are right, maybe there’s something more to Sebastian that he’s just not seeing. Maybe he’s worth taking that one step out of gray, of holding onto something solid. He’s not guaranteed anything, trying to accomplish something more with Sebastian is sort of like stepping out onto a field filled with landmines, blindly, putting faith into every small inch forward. It’ll either be completely worth it or it’ll blow up in his face, taking everything they’ve built up to along with him.

A large part of him doesn’t care because at least moving forward isn’t taking ten steps back. At least he’ll know where they stand.

He decides he’s going to go for it—until Sebastian calls him and needs picked up from Scandals. Piss drunk. In the arms of another guy when he gets there. He talks about blowjobs on the way home and the way he’s made the guy moan in the bathroom stall before Blaine got there.

Blaine’s hands clench the wheel so hard his knuckles turn white.

But he gets him home in one piece.

He makes sure he drinks enough water and tucks him into bed but he can’t keep doing this dance with him, no matter how comfortable it appears to be. He feels like a _fool_ for thinking he could make this work.

That he could make _them_ work.

They don’t complete one another, not like he thought they did. Like the missing parts in him would somehow be filled by parts Sebastian has. But his jagged edges don’t fit against the smooth lines of Blaine’s body.

Another wall goes up as Blaine drives out of Sebastian’s driveway, one positioned directly in front of his heart. It’s for his own protection, it doesn’t matter that it’s taller and more reinforced than he’s ever had it before. No one is meant to get past it, not exactly. He needs this. Sebastian was right when he told him that he allows people to walk all over him; he has to put his foot down somewhere. He has to stick up for himself.

Because he knows, from experience if nothing else, that it takes ten times longer to put himself back together than it does to fall completely apart.

~~

They still see one another; Sebastian has haphazardly become one of Blaine’s closest friends. And he refuses to lose that just because he thinks they need some distance. He creates a barrier between them and if Sebastian notices he never says anything.

Blaine doesn’t know whether he’s disappointed or relieved; he chooses to convince himself of the latter.

He’s not expecting to see Sebastian today, the news has been spouting on and off about a winter weather advisory that involves winds with a negative eight chill factor, snow and freezing rain. And yet his doorbell rings and when he finally manages to open the door—

there he is, wrapped in a wool coat with an emerald green scarf looking miserable. He doesn’t think about how much that scarf compliments the bright green flecks in his eyes or seems to highlight the freckles on his cheekbones.

Blaine opens and closes his mouth a moment, staring at him, hand still hovering on the doorknob.

Sebastian stares right on back, visibly shivering, shifting on his feet. “What is there some password I suddenly don’t know about? This isn’t a singing telegram Blaine, let me in.”

“Sorry.” Blaine fumbles and moves to let Sebastian cross the threshold, flurries of snow following him inside before he can close the door.

The taller groans, slowly unwrapping his scarf from around his neck. Blaine reaches up on his toes to dust melting snow out of his hair. “What are you doing here?”

Sebastian smiles, his cheeks kissed cold and nose red from the weather raging outside. “What I can’t visit without a motive?”

He watches him a moment as he goes to hang his coat up next to his front door on the rack. “No.” He decides.

“Well you’re in luck sunshine,” He smirks, turning to look at him. “I just wanted to see you.” He wraps the scarf around the shorter’s neck, flicking the end of the fabric purposely into Blaine’s face. He huffs and bats the material away, scrunching his nose.

“How bout some coffee?” Sebastian asks, chuckling as Blaine throws his scarf back at his chest. “I need to thaw out. Unless…you have a different idea.” His voice is filled with pleasant dips of misplaced confidence.

Blaine rolls his eyes and starts to head into the kitchen without another word, putting a pot of coffee on. He chews on his lower lip and glances outside, strong wind causing the house to sway and creak.

“Rough night?” He asks as Sebastian wanders into the kitchen after him, looking tired and sated in a way he doesn’t want to think about in the bright light above the island table.

“Hmm,” Sebastian says and sits at the island, adjusts himself on the stool a few times. “You could say that,” He grins. “Ass is a little sore.”

“That…is _more_ than I needed to hear.” Blaine squeaks, cheeks flushing red.

Sebastian laughs. “Are your ears turning pink?”

He rubs them nervously and shakes his head. “No.” He says under his breath and turns to preoccupy himself with getting mugs out of the cupboard.

“Thanks, by the way, for the other night?” Blaine swallows and sets the mugs down next to the coffee pot, distracting himself from Sebastian’s smooth voice behind him. He closes his eyes a moment, not wanting to think about the other night.

About how he’d felt before picking Sebastian up. How hope sort of feels sore and aching as it turns into disappointment, settling low in his chest and under his ribs.

“I don’t remember much but you came when I called, got me home safe. That means a lot to me.”

Blaine hums, runs his thumb over the rim of one of the mugs, tries not to imagine tracing Sebastian’s lower lip instead. “I’ll always come if you need me.” He says a moment later, the words coming out a lot heavier than he’s intended.

He can literally feel the shift in the room, his syllables and letters grabbing onto air molecules and hovering there between them.

The shorter laughs then, trying to break some of the tension that’s starting to gnaw at his shoulders. “’Cause you know more than anyone, I have trouble saying ‘no’.” And that’s not exactly what he wants to say either but, for some reason, he can’t reach the words he wants—tucked somewhere in the back of his mind.

Sebastian stares at him a moment, making a small noise in the back of his throat but says nothing, both of them starting when the coffee machine beeps. Blaine thanks God for small favors and quickly turns to fill up their mugs with scalding coffee.

“Where are your parents?” Sebastian asks, trying to turn this conversation into something else. Though Blaine isn’t sure where it was going in the first place.

Here he is, trying to put some distance between them, to keep his wall up and in place and he can’t even do that right.

“They’re driving Cooper back to the airport.” He reaches into the fridge for cream, Sebastian shifting around behind him and grabbing onto the sugar bowl.

Sebastian joins him at the countertop next to the stove, reaching across him to take the red mug instead of the blue that’s closest to him. Blaine thinks it’s all about proximity, the way his back straightens and his stomach flips when the other’s arm grazes his chest.

“In this weather?” The wind bangs against the backdoor in response, his eyebrows arching in disbelief.

Blaine clears his throat and frowns, pausing on adding another spoonful of sugar as he looks towards the back of the kitchen. “It wasn’t…this bad when they left.”

He brings the mug up to his lips, the steam curls up and out and tickles the tip of Sebastian’s nose. “I’m sure they’ll be back soon. They have to take it slow right? This weather is downright _Day After Tomorrow.”_

The shorter gives him a look. “You’re not helping.”

Sebastian smirks, wraps an around his shoulders and tugs him against his side. He nearly sloshes the coffee right over the rim as he clutches the mug in his hand, Blaine letting out a soft noise of protest as he leads him into his living room.

“Come on, we’ll watch a movie and by the time it’s over I’m sure they’ll be back.”

“You’re going to stay?” Blaine looks up at him as Sebastian pulls away, sets his mug down on the coffee table.

“You think _I’m_ going back out into that weather? No, thanks. I _like_ my extremities still attached to my body, not frozen off due to a blizzard.” He glances at Blaine’s movie collection near his TV, scrunching his nose. They’ve already watched half the movies there. “Besides, I want to say hi to your mom.” He looks over his shoulder and gives him a grin that does something to Blaine’s stomach.

He blames it specifically on his nerves.

“She _does_ like me after all.”

Blaine rolls his eyes but smiles softly as he sets his mug down next to Sebastian’s, thankful for the distraction no matter how small.

“She might be the only one.”

Sebastian chuckles, pulling a movie out of the stack. “Don’t act like you’re not into me, Anderson. I can see right through you. You want me.”

Blaine snorts but his stomach drops to the floor, blush kissing the back of his neck (at least Sebastian can’t see it but then it starts to crawl onto his cheeks). “Doesn’t everyone?” He fires back.

He stands straight, glitter of amusement and intrigue flashing in those green eyes of his. “Well, I’m not going to argue with you about that. But _one_ of these times,” He moves forward, slowly, until he’s encroaching into Blaine’s space.

Blaine doesn’t move, doesn’t know if he could even if he wanted to. His feet feel planted to the carpet.

“You’re going to give into how you feel.” He whispers, his body close enough that he can feel the warm breath of his mouth ghosting against the bridge of his nose and lips.

A large part of him thinks Sebastian might be right, that he might not be able to maintain the façade he wants to keep in place to protect himself. That Sebastian has this way about him where he can _always_ find a way around his walls, up, under or through them. A smaller part tells himself that he’s stronger than that, regardless of the unnatural _pull_ Blaine always feels when he’s around him.

Blaine clears his throat, glances down at Sebastian’s lips before chewing on the inside of his cheek. “You better not have picked _Inception_ again.”

Sebastian hums, leans back, smiles softly even though that spark is still burning in the bright parts of his green eyes. There’s this predatory persona that fits around the taller’s body like a glove, he knows one of the reasons Sebastian is so ingrained in the contract and relax between them is because he loves the chase.

He loves going after something that isn’t easy, that he has to work for and Blaine has always been two steps ahead of him and just out of his reach. “I have great taste what can I say.” The familiar lines of the telltale smirk greets his features. “And Leonardo DiCaprio is such a catch.” He winks and moves to put the DVD in.

Blaine settles on the end of the couch and pulls his legs underneath him per Sebastian’s request, ready to watch a movie he won’t or can’t really pay attention to. He tries at first, especially since Sebastian seems to sense his nerves fraying more and more by the second. He pulls him in with questions and trivia, reminds him to drink his coffee before it gets cold (because he is _not_ getting up to reheat it in the microwave for him), and prods at the idea that they should create a drinking game for every time someone says the word ‘dream’.

But he can’t concentrate. He’s unfocused by the wind howling outside, the snow piling up, the freezing rain hitting the windows. He’s distracted by glancing at his phone every few minutes, getting more and more concerned when all of his text messages to his mom, his dad and Cooper remained unanswered.

He wants to try and call them but the sickening feeling in his gut that’s somehow consuming his entire body prevents him from doing so. Is too afraid of how he’ll feel if they don’t pick up.

When Blaine stands from the couch, Sebastian quickly pauses the movie in response, setting down the remote on the coffee table. “B—”

“This is ridiculous.” The words snap out of his mouth like wildfire, have been kept between his ribs for too long, stuck in his windpipe. “I-I haven’t heard back from them in hours.”

“Blaine.” Sebastian says gently, standing from the couch and walking towards him.

But he can’t listen, he _can’t._ Sebastian’s voice is suddenly way too soft, way too gentle, concerned. It hurts in a way he’s not familiar with. He pulls away when Sebastian tries to touch him, looks out his living room window at the snow coming down.

“What if something happened to them? What-what if their car got stuck or slid down a hill or someone _hit_ them—”

“I’m sure they’re just held up at the airport waiting out the storm—”

He talks right over him, worried tears starting to pinprick the back of his eyes. “What if they’re hurt or worse I—I—” His voice buckles and Sebastian’s arms are reaching for him, turning him around to face him.

“Hey,” His voice is soft, soothing like velvet. He cups the bottom of Blaine’s chin and tilts it up so he’s forced to look at him. “Hey.” Sebastian says a little more forcefully this time. Blaine sniffles even though no tears have fallen, his hazel eyes eventually finding green ones. “It’s going to be fine, okay?”

Blaine nods, letting out a slow breath. His heart is beating wildly in his chest, echoing in his ears as Sebastian rubs his hands along his arms. Very slowly. Up and down. He tries to concentrate on how it feels, how to focus on the sensation of the pads of his fingertips seeping through the fabric of his shirt to control his breathing. How warm he is compared to the frigid cold outside.

“They’re probably just trying to make their way through the snow or worried about Cooper’s flight at the airport or maybe they don’t have even have a signal.” Sebastian tilts his head, tries to catch Blaine’s gaze as he looks out the window.

When he finally does he gives him a soft smile, his hand moving to gently clasp Blaine’s chin and lift it a bit. “You just need to be annoyingly positive about this, I know you know how to do that.” He teases.

Blaine chuckles wetly, sniffling a little as he pulls his head back. He can feel Sebastian’s eyes on him, watching, his hand still rubbing up and down his arm. “C’mere.” He whispers, Blaine not pausing a moment to fold into Sebastian’s chest.

He presses his face into the space between his shoulder and neck, letting his eyes close as his breath hiccups in and out of his lungs. Sebastian wraps his arms around him, holding him tightly to his chest, anchoring him as best he can when words fail to do so.

He concentrates on how Sebastian’s muscles contract and relax every time they squeeze him into the hug, how his chest feels pressed against the taller’s, memorizing each moment his diaphragm moves up and down with the intake and exhale of air. He’s hypersensitive to how Sebastian’s fingers massage the knobs of his spine and how his lips press against his curls, the top of his scalp. He feels words whispered there but can’t determine what they are.

Figures it doesn’t matter what he’s saying anyways. It’s all in how Sebastian’s touching him. Words aren’t needed.

When he pulls back from Sebastian, the other’s hand comes up and cups his cheek, runs a thumb over his cheekbone to swipe away nonexistent tear tracks. “You know,” He says conversationally, tilting his head towards the doorframe that leads to the hallway that they’re standing in front of. “for a guy who doesn’t want to be kissed you sure as hell have a lot of mistletoe around your place.”

Blaine flushes a dark maroon instantly, a more genuine and loose laugh leaving his lips as he shakes his head. So Sebastian _had_ noticed the distance between them. He figures he shouldn’t be surprised, he seems to be a way more observant than he had given him credit for.

He presses a gentle kiss to Sebastian’s cheekbone, letting his lips linger there for a moment before pulling back. The taller has the audacity to smirk, his hand trailing down from Blaine’s one arm to his compact waist. He squeezes briefly before letting go.

Sebastian doesn’t press about _only_ getting a cheek kiss, probably because he’s upset, but whatever the reason he doesn’t. And Blaine’s grateful. “I’ll get you more coffee. You should lie down.”

He nods softly, his arms curling around himself as he watches Sebastian pull back and take his mug from the table and head into the kitchen. He lets out a long breath, his one hand coming up to his face, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. No matter how much this situation makes him want to crawl out of his skin, Sebastian’s right, he has to _breathe_ and calm down and be positive about this. Anything else isn’t going to help matters.

Blaine moves to sit back down on the couch, letting his weight sink into the cushions before running a hand through his mismatched curls. The taller appears with a steaming cup of coffee a few moments later, placing it between his hands.

He turns his head to look at him, Sebastian pressing play on the movie and even though he’s seen it a million times his eyes are glued to the screen for a few moments. The light and shadows dance across his features, playing a game of tag for dominance along his skin. Blaine thinks he sort of gets that, in a way, the light and dark each holding too many connotations to name.

Sebastian must notice that he’s watching him because he turns his head and meets him with a soft smile. “You’re staring.” He teases.

Blaine smirks a little, leaning back into the cushions. He takes a small sip of coffee and tugs a blanket down from the back of the couch to pile it over his legs. “Aren’t you going to take that as a compliment?”

The taller laughs, stealing Blaine’s cup of coffee to take a sip of it himself. “I see emotional distress isn’t impairing your sarcasm.” Sebastian muses, playfully nudging the other’s arm.

Blaine hums, leaning into his side as he brings his legs completely up onto the couch. Sebastian shifts with him, a push and pull reaction, his arm stretching over Blaine’s shoulders like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He doesn’t comment on it.

He takes the mug back from him and takes a slow sip, the warmth from the coffee creeping into parts of his body where he feels the most cold. “Thank you,” He says after a moment. “For staying.”

Sebastian hums, he can feel the vibration from his chest where their bodies are connected. “I’m kinda snowed in, I’m stuck here.”

Blaine just smiles at him, tilting his head up to look at him. He noses at his jawline, closing his eyes. “Thank you.” Is all he says again, whispered into his skin.

Sebastian doesn’t reply but as Blaine starts to fall asleep he distinctly feels a few lazy kisses pressed against his hairline.

~~

He doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, only that he’s groggy upon waking up. Blaine hears the sound of a key sliding slowly into the slot of his front door, and he sits up a little. The blanket tumbles down off his shoulder, Sebastian stirring next to him but not waking up. The _Inception_ DVD menu flashes on the screen, replaying over and over again, stuck on a loop. His mother, father _and_ Cooper all walk through the front door, looking tired, stressed but most importantly safe.

Blaine doesn’t realize how close he’s pressed into Sebastian’s side until his mother’s eyes find him on the couch, her gaze warm and caring. He wants to get up and rush over to them, to hug them each and squeeze them and convince himself that he’s not dreaming. That they all made it back safe, Cooper’s flight obviously delayed.

His mother does walk over to him like she can somehow read his mind after she sheds her coat and another layer, a sweater still clinging to her as the fabric nearly envelopes her hands. Blaine’s father starts into the kitchen after mentioning coffee, Cooper smirking at him before doing the same. She runs a careful hand through his curls and he closes his eyes, sleep clawing at him from worried exhaustion.

Sebastian remains upright, head back against the couch, breathing deep and even. When he opens his eyes a fraction he sees a warm tug of a smile on his mother’s face, knows exactly what it means without her having to say anything.

“Has he been here the whole night?” She asks quietly, her hand moving now for the remote so she can turn off the TV.

Blaine glances over at his friend, their bodies still pressed close to one another, heat created from their skin and the blanket. “Yeah…couldn’t get him to leave, actually.” Blaine teases, his voice thick with sleep. “With the snow and everything.”

She smirks softly, her body only outline with the light that’s coming in from the streetlights outside and the bright florescence bulbs in the kitchen. “I’m sure the snow wasn’t the only reason he stayed, Blaine.”

He swallows, hand tightening on the blanket as she presses a kiss to his forehead and motions for him to go back to sleep before disappearing into the kitchen. The room is dark but the gentle press of Sebastian’s body against his own, his chest rising and falling as he sleeps, his arm still draped over his midsection—it’s more than enough.

Blaine slowly lies back down against his friend, his eyes fluttering closed as the tinkering sounds of his family in the kitchen lull him back to sleep. And if he feels Sebastian press a butterfly kiss against his hairline before finally drifting off, well, he blames that completely on his dream-like state.

 


	5. Spring

SPRING

Spring blossoms to life after a harsh and long winter, sprouts pressing up through the melting ice and frigid earth. Blaine sort of understands that, in a way, puncturing his way through the cold to get to some sort of common ground where it’s warm. Where it doesn’t feel like he’s shaking anymore.

If he had to pick a season to describe where he is with Sebastian that’d be it; in a spring. There’s no summer heat between them anymore, no smoldering kisses or blazing touches but they’re not stuck in winter either. No cold glances or distance, the absence of touch and warmth causing a blistering frostbite. Spring sounds about right. Spring is all about starting over, about new beginnings or the hope of new promises.

And that’s exactly what happens between him and Sebastian. They restart, they’re friends before anything else. Before the sexual tension they feel knotted between them, before the dull ache and promise of more or what _might_ be. Gray melts into more white than black, his feet don’t straddle the world of limbo between friends and something else.

Something they’ve never talked about but somehow have always been.

He knows that being with Sebastian, no matter how hard or complicated, is better than not being with him at all. So they’ll try this verse, the ‘just friends’ verse, and see where it takes them. If anywhere.

Blaine has hope that pops awake with the new flowers outside his bedroom window, through the disintegrating frost. He and Sebastian weren’t _ready_ for anything more than friends, they might never get there. But he doesn’t want to lose what they do have trying to figure it out, for their closeness to get buried in an intertwining knot of sexual tension, heated kisses and rough touches.

And as for his feelings…he figures those will just fade with time. They seemed to have stirred up from the very bottom of his sternum, pressing up into his ribcage, filling him up entirely. He hopes they’ll disappear as quickly and easily as they seemed to _appear._

The only problem is that he’s worried that those feelings didn’t exactly come out of nowhere, that they’ve always been there, inside of him, the whole time. Planted deep where he didn’t realize, made stronger each time he’s seen Sebastian, pressed kisses to his lips, laughed at his awful sexual come-ons, with each touch, each passing glance, each brush of something more—bright green leaves reflecting with luminescence through the ice and snow.

But those feelings have to fade. They have to. There’s no other option, right?

000

One of the things Blaine loves most about Spring is the rain. When the cold weather fades, and the snow melts, the consistent rain isn’t so bad. There’s a warm sort of humidity that hugs around his body as he sits outside on his porch. A steady rainfall taps noisily on his roof, on the pavement and on the green grass of his front yard, color only darkened in hue thanks to the water.

He pulls a dark-knit maroon sweater tighter around his body, his porch swing swaying him back and forth every so often as a gentle breeze hits a few times with the storm. He’s trying to concentrate on the book that’s sitting open on his lap but he’s distracted by his phone which keeps buzzing every so often. It’s Kurt. They’re talking about his internship at Vogue, because honestly, when _aren’t_ they talking about that.

But he’s not so much distracted by his ex as he is thinking about Sebastian, who he hasn’t heard from in a few days. He’s texted and he’s called and left messages but none of them have been returned. Which is…that’s fine, they’ve both been busy getting college acceptances together, planning their futures, or avoiding them at the same time. He knows that they’re trying out this whole ‘friends’ thing, that they’re not the type to have to talk every day but…he misses him. Misses those smarmy texts with winking emoticons that somehow _feel_ so much more than they actually are. He misses talking to him on the phone until two in the morning, tucked into bed, staring at his ceiling as street lights and car headlights play tag against the sky blue paint.

Misses his voice tucked close against him, hugging him. That if he closes his eyes he can almost picture him right there, lying twisted in sheets along his body. How _intimate_ it all feels; both of them lingering against words they won’t say to one another. There’s such an ambiguity to Sebastian that every time Blaine feels one step closer to understanding who he thinks he is, it turns out to be just another façade. Another charming mask with a sly smirk and a silver tongue. He guesses that’s the point; no one really _sees_ who Sebastian is because he never truly lets them.

Blaine sighs and closes his book, pinching the bridge of his nose. He decides to give up on reading, seeing as how he’s read the same page three times without really absorbing any of it. Realizing his feelings for Sebastian has really taken him by surprise, he thought that _maybe_ if he could categorize how he felt he’d somehow feel better. But emotions aren’t like that, he can’t fit them into an organized box no matter how hard he tries. They’re not things he can hide or deny but something he just needs to _feel._

If someone would have told him a year ago, maybe two, that he’d be tangled up in _feelings_ for Sebastian Smythe he probably would have laughed at them. And yet, here he is on his porch, completely distracted by the fact that he hasn’t heard from Sebastian in a few days and determined to stick to this friend-zone.

His head snaps up as he hears a car door slam closed, his mouth pulling into a frown when he sees a tall figure run towards his porch with the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head. It does nothing against the steady downpour and Sebastian is drenched by the time he hits the top step. Blaine stands from the porch swing, setting his book aside next to his coffee on a small table under his living room window.

“Seb,” He says, approaching him as he rips his hood back, huffing at the water dripping from his hair. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“What, now I need an invitation to come see you?” He asks, his voice muffled and wet sounding.

Blaine winces in sympathy, he looks miserable. “That’s not what I meant. I just haven’t heard from you in a few days, that’s all.” He pulls back from him and grabs the knit blanket that had been over his legs on the porch swing. “Here.”

Sebastian snuffles, tugging off his sweatshirt and throwing it onto a nearby chair. The wet fabric lands with a thick ‘thwapping’ noise and Blaine’s eyes do _not_ trail down to a thin strip of skin revealed as his t-shirt bunches up. He clears his throat and stands on his toes to wrap the blanket around the other’s shoulders, giving him a soft smile.

He means to say ‘better?’, as in asking him if the blanket is helping at all, but what comes out of his mouth instead is, “I’ve missed you.” It’s a soft whisper, almost lost in the noises of the steady downpour of rain.

Sebastian looks at him for a moment and dips his chin, nodding a little. “I’ve been…busy.” He says, by way of explanation that really doesn’t explain anything at all. “I’m sorry.”

Blaine can tell that it takes a lot for him to say that; Sebastian usually doesn’t apologize for anything he ends up doing. His confidence speaks a lot for itself, he does things completely, with his whole being, usually without regret. He’s pretty sure he’s only ever heard Sebastian say sorry in earnest one other time before.

_I’m sorry about your eye._

He shakes his head, deciding not to press him on it because something else is obviously wrong. Blaine can tell just by the way he’s holding himself, there’s a tense line through his shoulders like a rod rammed along the muscle and bone, making his back rigid. A coil ready to snap. He’s come here for a specific reason—he wants to talk about something, maybe needs a little coaxing from Blaine before he actually finds the words to do so.

He lets out a soft sigh, motioning towards the swing. “What’s wrong?” He prompts gently as they both sit. The wood creaks gently under their weight, Sebastian sniffling as he pulls the blanket tighter around himself.

Blaine angles his body towards him, waiting patiently, his fingers toying with a loose thread on the one sleeve of his maroon sweater. Sebastian leans back on the swing, his long legs spread out before him, bent slightly at the knee. He pushes them on the swing, a constant back and forth, a light distraction as the rain continues to fall.

A breeze kisses them with a few drops every so often. After a few quiet minutes Sebastian shrugs his shoulder. “I didn’t get into Harvard,” is all he says, like that statement within itself is explanation enough.

Blaine knows that Sebastian was applying to a lot of schools around the country, most of them having to do with law. It’s not something that they’ve really talked about, just mentioned in passing. He’s been applying to art schools as often as Sebastian has been sending in his letters for law but he hadn’t known that he specifically _wanted_ to go to Harvard. He’s never mentioned wanting one school over the other before, though it’s clear his family wants him to go to the very best. That they will pay whatever price they have to so that it happens.

But the disappointment and anger in Sebastian’s tone when he says he didn’t get it in—it’s not so much a reflection on how _he_ feels about it but rather something else entirely. Blaine’s not sure what, he can’t tell, can’t read him as easily as Sebastian can pick words off his skin. He doesn’t pry, he waits, puts a calming hand on the other’s forearm and squeezes.

He glances down at his palm on his skin, distracted by how natural it feels to have their touch brushing together again. He runs his thumb over Sebastian’s wrist, letting out a slow breath at the sensation of _warmth_ despite the damp rain. He’s missed this, the small moments of intimacy, how something so little means so much.

“I’m sorry.” He says softly. “It’s their loss.” Because really, if Sebastian can’t get into _Harvard,_ who else can? He’s a straight A student, has been since middle school. He’s participated in a ton of extracurricular activities, not just the Warblers and lacrosse but a variety of other clubs and associations.

Sebastian is a resume _dream._

Sebastian prickles, laughing harshly before tearing his arm out of Blaine’s touch. His hand hovers in the air for a moment before falling to his lap. “My dad doesn’t think so. He’s—he’s _furious._ ” He swallows thickly, a knot seeming to appear in his throat, Blaine can hear how hard it is to talk around it. “And why shouldn’t he be? He’s an alumni. I should have been able to get into that school with my eyes closed.”

“It’s not your fault.” Blaine says after a moment. His hand moves to rest against the back of Sebastian’s neck, rubbing the tense muscles with his thumb, trying to soothe them with his pressured touch. “I’m sure you’ve got a million other schools willing to take you. There are other great law schools out there, Seb.”

He licks his lips, his eyes a brighter shade of green because he’s upset. Because there’s a wetness gathering along his eyelids that Blaine’s never seen before as he looks over at him. Sebastian is usually so well composed, an answer for everything, a smart remark or guarded look. Always prepared. Someone who never cares what other people thinks about him, or worries about gaining approval.

But not now, his mask slips ever so slightly as his voice wavers, “He’s ashamed of me.”

Blaine’s face screws up in empathy, his thumb stroking careful circles against the back of Sebastian’s neck. His heart feels heavy in his chest, an ache that sort of radiates throughout his chest. He hates seeing him like this, visibly hurt.

It makes sense now, the reason he hasn’t heard from him the past few days. He’s met Mr. Smythe a few times; knows enough about him paired with those few interactions that he’s a strict man, not very warm, has gotten to where he is now with the force of sheer will. And not caring about who he steps on in pursuit of the very best. He obviously wants the same for Sebastian, the hard shell around the younger Smythe a clear representation of upbringing.

He can’t imagine how harsh he’s probably been to him when he learned of the rejection letter.

Sebastian misreads his facial expression for sympathy, seems to realize that he’s opening himself up to Blaine in one quick instant. He starts to pull away, shaking his head, running a hand over his face in case any traitor tears have fallen down his cheeks.

He tries to build that wall back up, to have Blaine forget he’s ever seen it fallen.

“Shh hey,” Blaine says softly, inching towards him even though he’s attempting push him away. He takes Sebastian’s hand that’s trying to create a barrier between them and tugs on him, towards his body. “Let me help.”

He watches him for a moment and when he’s sure Sebastian won’t pull away again he leans forward and wraps his arms around his thin frame, tucking him against his chest. It’s slightly awkward given their height difference and he’s rigid against Blaine’s touch even as he rubs an open palm up and down his back. It takes him a few long minutes but Sebastian eventually relaxes, something lets go in his body, he melts against Blaine’s chest.

The shorter shivers as Sebastian’s face tucks against his neck, as he feels his eyelashes fluttering along his skin, his warmth breath creating goosebumps in its wake. He lets Sebastian decide when he wants to pull back, and when he does, their foreheads rest together for a long series of moments.

His heart stutters in his chest, his one hand still resting along Sebastian’s upper back, falling against the side of his neck. Sebastian’s eyes tick back and forth over his hazel ones, his chin dipping forward until their noses graze.

A shuddered breath leaves Blaine’s mouth and he resists the urge to close his eyes. Part of him knows Sebastian needs this, that he works best through touch, knows they shouldn’t encourage the heat that’s sitting low in their bellies, licking at their nerve endings. But he doesn’t have the energy to push Sebastian away, doesn’t want to anyways.

He’s pretty sure he can literally _feel_ the static electricity between them, heightened by the humidity of the rain. Blaine opens his mouth to say something, he’s not sure what, but he ends up speaking what’s on his mind at that very moment.

“We’re just friends.” He breathes out, in a rush; more of a statement at this point instead of something he feels. Something real. It sounds a lot like he’s reading a sign or a definition out of the dictionary.

Sebastian just smirks, cups Blaine’s face in his hand, runs his thumb over his cheekbone. “Come on B, we’ve never been ‘just friends’.”

There’s a breath of a second before Blaine closes the distance between them, presses their lips together. A moment of hesitance settles along Sebastian’s spine where they’re not kissing, just lips touching, breathing the same air. The uncertainty seems to pop between them, crackle in the dull heat of the humid rain and the warmth of their body heat. Sebastian tugs Blaine closer then and tilts his head to deepen the kiss.

A soft noise leaves Blaine’s throat, travels through his mouth, empties into Sebastian’s. The taller smirks gently, nipping at Blaine’s lower lip, the other’s hands falling to his sides to wrap into the fabric of his shirt under the blanket. Thunder startles them both, his hands shaking against Sebastian’s sides as he pulls back a moment to breathe. His cheeks are tinted pink, can feel the heat of them as a cool kiss of a few raindrops blow onto his skin.

Blaine swallows; isn’t sure what a kiss shared between them means. What he _wants_ it to mean. He knows he usually does a fair amount of planning, he _likes_ feeling organized. But the thing about feelings, about emotions, is that they don’t always fit into a well-planned check-box. It’s like trying hold onto vapor with your hands or not allowing water or sand to slip between your fingers.

It takes a minute for either of them to say anything, but finally Sebastian straightens his back and smirks lightly. The blanket falls from his shoulders, Blaine watching the material fall loose around his waist. His hair is still spiked in odd angles, damp from the rain. He wants to run his fingers through the strands.

“Did you just kiss me when I’m emotionally vulnerable?” He teases lightly, making Blaine let out a small, breathy laugh. Mostly just from releasing tension. “You’re turning into _me_ Blaine Anderson.”

Blaine shakes his head, smiling a little. Can’t help it. “Sorry.” He says after a moment, voice whispered, almost lost in the downpour around them.

Sebastian smirks, lifting his hand to run his thumb along Blaine’s lower lip—plump and slightly cherry red from kissing. “You know, you don’t have to apologize for something you’re not sorry for.”

He smiles a little, despite himself, shaking his head a bit as his chin dips.

“I am sorry, though,” Blaine says after a few moments, his entire body just giving into this feeling. No matter how much part of him is doing it against his better judgment, no matter how much he might hurt or regret it in the end.

If he doesn’t try, he’ll never know.

A scrunch appears along the bridge of Sebastian’s nose, he almost reaches out and runs his thumb over the skin. “For what?”

Blaine swallows, chewing on the inside of his cheek before letting out a long breath. Being filled up to the brim with possible hurt and disappointment sound a lot better than longing and regret.

He leans forward and bumps their noses together, making Sebastian smirk gently. “For not doing this sooner.”

And he kisses him again; Sebastian tastes like rain.

000

A few weeks later there’s this change in Sebastian and Blaine swears he’s the only one who can see it. Or maybe that’s the point, maybe he hasn’t changed at all and this is just his imagination. His brain creating these stark embellishments, filling in things he just _wants_ to see instead.

But something does change, it shifts, there’s this… _warmth_ between them that he’s sure wasn’t there before. Not like this. Ever since that kiss on his porch his feelings have been more than obvious. But they don’t talk about it or mention Sebastian and his father or if they ever made up again.

Sebastian has always had this very carefree, ‘nothing affects me’ kind of attitude but even that changes slightly too. There’s a looseness to his shoulder blades, like he doesn’t have to maintain a white knuckle grip to keep that mask he usually has in place. Around Blaine his guard is down, he laughs easier, crinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes as he does. He reaches for his hand constantly, so many times that Blaine thinks he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. But he always lets him take it, Sebastian’s thumb tracing his knuckles or wrist, bringing it up to kiss the back of his palm, set on his lap or just loosely swing between them as they walk.

He kisses _him_ a lot easier too.

They’re small most of the time, gentle tugs of moving his body forward, of tilting his chin up. They’re quick but hold so much heat that Blaine nearly feels his blood fizzle when Sebastian’s lips are on his. He lets them happen because he wants them, doesn’t have the energy to push him away.

Friends is a term that doesn’t really apply to them anymore but he has no idea what that _does_ make them.

Blaine blames most of it on Spring fever but things continue to happen even after they both return to Dalton.

It’s not that Sebastian is _different,_ that’s not the right word. It’s hard to try and explain someone like Sebastian in the first place let alone trying to note all these minute changes about him. That’s the conundrum when it comes to Sebastian Smythe; Blaine somehow knows him completely and not at all.

He doesn’t go to Scandals anymore but he tries to blame that on the fact that he’s trying to get himself ready for college, because it’s only a few months until it’s summer again and people like Sebastian are bred to consistently consider future aspects of his life. But the real change that Blaine notices is that he doesn’t flirt with other guys as often as he used to. And maybe he’s just pulling at straws, maybe it’s something he wants to see so bad that it literally starts manifesting itself in front of his eyes.

When he does notice Sebastian talking to other guys there’s still a general sense of teasing, of mocking but there’s less… _heat_ underneath it. There’s less of Sebastian using his tongue to get a boy into his bed. Figuratively and literally.

People start to talk. Dalton is like a breeding ground for gossip sometimes, worse than a public school or a bunch of teenage girls. Word travels fast, gossip travels faster. His friends start asking him if he’s with Sebastian, like, _literally_ with him as if they’re an item. The first time it happens he drops his coffee, the second he manages to stutter himself into a blush and the third time he just looks at James with a glare that can probably give the surface of the sun a run for its money.

“What, I’m just asking.” James says slowly, putting his hands up in front of his chest in a defensive manner in case Blaine decides to pounce or throw something at him. “Sheesh.”

But the more he starts thinking about it, the less annoyed with people he can be. These questions aren’t just coming out of the woodwork, they’re coming from _somewhere._ The fact of the matter is that Sebastian _is_ treating him differently to the point where it has the entirety of Dalton in a buzz. Blaine blames that on the fact that Sebastian has probably _slept_ with half of the prep school, but semantics.

If something really _has_ changed between them, why is he the last to know?

~~

Blaine lets out a soft sigh as he settles on the bleachers right outside the lacrosse field, a book balanced on his lap. It’s a typical end of April day, the weather almost kissing May, the definition of spring. The sun is hot even though the air is still a bit chilly sometimes with the wind but this is the first time he’s been able to wear his cut-off at the knee shorts with a sweater so he’s happy. As much as he loves the colder weather (and his beanies and matching scarves collection) he’s more than happy to fold away his jeans, heavy sweaters and long sleeved t-shirts and trade them in for shorts, light cardigans and polo shirts. He glances up as he hears a whistle blow, Sebastian is by the sidelines panting, sweat sheening across his forehead in the kind of way that Blaine finds endearing and incredibly sexy. A few strands of hair are plastered to his skin and he pushes them back with his fingertips, smiling at a few of his teammates.

He’s trying to focus on his book, it’s the perfect day out for reading but once again his attention is stolen by Sebastian. He runs up and down the field with his lacrosse stick, he doesn’t seem to be doing as well as he usually does. He misses a few easy goals and gets knocked to the ground by a few players on the other team.

Blaine frowns a little and sets his book aside, watching someone help Sebastian to his feet, the taller scrunching his nose and turning his head to the side to sneeze. He blinks rapidly, waving a teammate’s concern away before he buries his face in his arm to cover a sneeze again. Apparently landing on the grass one too many times has stirred up Sebastian’s allergies. He remembers him mentioning that they were pretty horrific back in summer and he _does_ look rather miserable.

He opens up his satchel and stuffs his book back inside when the whistle is called for a fifteen minute break. He’s pretty sure he has some tissues and an extra allergy tablet in there somewhere for Sebastian to have. By the time he finds what he’s looking for and glances up at the field, another boy has approached Sebastian.

He’s tall and muscular, sweeping blonde hair across his forehead. His skin is kissed with sweat and while Sebastian’s t-shirt is red, this kid’s is blue. Someone from the ‘opposing’ team. He’s handing him tissues, a small packet of what looks like allergy tablets and water with a shy smile.

Sebastian tilts his head at him, eyes traveling up and down his form before smirking and taking the objects presented into his hands. Blaine’s close enough that he can hear the soft exchange of ‘thank you’ and ‘anytime’ before the guy angles his body towards Sebastian to start another conversation.

“His name is Ray.” James provides easily, standing at the fence between the field and bleachers. He watches a moment as he downs his own water and towels the sweat off his face.

Blaine clears his throat, a soft flush creeping onto his cheeks as he shoves things back into his satchel. A little bit too rough. “Oh?” He asks, trying to sound like he doesn’t care. Which he really doesn’t.

“I really don’t think you need to be jealous, Anderson. Sebastian looks far too miserable to have his head in the game, lacrosse or otherwise.”

He glances up at Sebastian across the field and watches him take a few large sips of his water before setting it aside. He then uses the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, Blaine’s eyes instantly tracing the hard lines of his muscles. He licks his lips, almost unconsciously, but Sebastian seems to be able to _feel_ eyes on him because he looks right up at him and waves with a tiny smirk.

Blaine tears his eyes away, a noise choking his throat as he looks back at James. “I’m not jealous.” He states but his voice is pinched uncomfortably in too many places to fool anyone. Exasperation licks steadily at his nerve endings, like a growing fire.

James clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth. “Right. Okay buddy, you keep telling yourself that.”

This is ridiculous, _he_ feels ridiculous for letting his emotions cloud his better judgment. But in the end he’s mostly just sitting there blaming _Sebastian,_ because if they were clear on what they exactly were with one another Blaine wouldn’t have to worry about this. About other guys flirting with Sebastian, this would be the very least of his problems.

They either need to be something or nothing. It’s not like the label of official is as important to him as the _feeling_ of it is. He just wants to _know._

He swears Sebastian is the only one capable of making him this frustrated _this fast._

Blaine feels his cheeks flame with a bright red blush as he takes his book out of his bag again and attempts at focusing. He tries to blame the heat along his face on the fact that he’s been sitting in direct sunlight for too long but it’s still there long after lacrosse practice ends and he’s walking back to his car with Sebastian in tow.

“So how awful was I?” Sebastian asks, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. He’s freshly showered, hair still a bit wet and trying to dip onto his forehead. He’s wearing shorts that end just above his knees in the lightest of pinks, a black t-shirt hugging his body.

He smells like soap and cologne. It’s super distracting. “I don’t know, were you supposed to land on the grass that many times?” Blaine asks but instead of his voice sounding teasing it’s just sort of rough. Like he’s chewing on gravel.

Sebastian looks at him a moment before making a faint humming noise, turning the corner to walk off the field with him and into the parking lot. They don’t talk for a few moments, the only sound between them is light breathing and Sebastian sniffling every so often. When they get closer to the car, Blaine puts his satchel in the trunk, Sebastian’s lacrosse bag closely following. He hesitates on closing it when the taller sneezes again, a harsh sounding double.

“Bless you.” Blaine mutters under his breath, quickly digging in his bag for tissues to hand them to him. “I only have a few. Apparently we can’t all be as prepared as Ray is.”

“ _Eh,_ ” He thinks Sebastian is starting to laugh at him when in fact it’s just his nose stuck in wanting to sneeze again. He blows his nose before that can happen and throws the tissues away in a nearby trashcan.

His eyes are watery and his nose is tipped a bright red and Blaine squashes the urge to do something stupid like kiss the bridge of his nose and offer to buy him a cup of coffee when they get to the Lima Bean.

“I knew it,” Sebastian says after a moment, his green eyes are dancing with amusement regardless of how miserable he must feel. “I knew whatever was wrong had to do with Ray.”

“I’m not jealous.” Blaine blurts out so fast that he feels dizzy. He’s pretty sure his mouth is in no way connected to his brain today because this is the second time he seems to have no control over it.

Sebastian smiles slowly before shrugging his shoulders, putting his one hand up in a nonchalant gesture. “Okay, if you say so.”

“I’m _not._ ” Blaine repeats, a flare of obvious irritation lacing his tone _._

He closes the trunk, shaking his head. “I never said you were,” But Blaine can _hear_ the dismissive attitude in his voice, like he doesn't quite believe him. He hopes this conversation is over, he turns to get into the driver’s seat of the car but Sebastian’s next series of words stop him in his tracks.

“I mean, I get why you _would_ be jealous.” Blaine turns to look at him, his jaw working. Sebastian smiles, a slow and easy one that if he wasn’t so annoyed he’d find attractive. “Ray is taller than you, obviously more built…” He licks his lips. “He’s thoughtful. I bet he gives a great blowjob—”

“Shut _up_!” Blaine snaps, lightly pushing on Sebastian’s chest. It’s not hard but it’s enough to stumble him off balance because he wasn’t expecting it.

The taller straightens his back a little, a smirk tugging its way onto his lips. His expression just makes Blaine want to push him _again;_ his fingers clench at his sides as he considers it.

“Guys are…they’re… _constantly_ staring at you. Or flirting with you—” Blaine tries to scramble for some sort of point but nothing comes to mind other than Sebastian is right. He’s completely right. This all comes down to one very simple emotion that he has no idea if he’s justified in feeling.

“Of course they are, I’m incredibly attractive.” Sebastian states like this isn’t brand new information to him. Like it shouldn’t be new information to _Blaine_ either.

Blaine glares at him, his voice wavering with frustration. “And how am I supposed to feel about that? About guys all over you! You send me these…weird and confusing mixed signals and I’m just supposed to what? Be okay with watching guys flirt with you?” He lets out in a rush, his words nearly mixed together as his heated tone melts away the spaces between his syllables.

“So…let me get this straight,” Sebastian says slowly. “This is you _not_ being jealous.” He huffs out a laugh. “Who knew you could be so possessive? This is really hot Anderson, please, continue—”

Sebastian doesn’t get to finish his sentence because before Blaine knows it he’s _pushing_ him again, right into the side of his car, closing the space between them. His lips attack his hungrily, the reaction not making much sense except for how it feels, a tangible heat coiling in his body and through his bloodstream.

Blaine moans gently against his mouth, Sebastian’s hands eventually sliding into the back pockets of his shorts and grabbing at his ass. He grinds him forward, a hitching noise breaking off in his chest as their hips slide together.

They pull back after a few moments, Sebastian nipping at his lower lip, breathing heavily. “This really might not be the best time for this because I’m having trouble breathing through my nose.”

The shorter laughs a little, can’t help it, his cheeks tinting pink because of their proximity and his impulsive reaction. But in the end it makes sense, his body has just figured it out before his brain could put the words together.

He swallows, hand coming up to tug at Sebastian’s t-shirt. “I just…” He whispers softly, their height difference making him tilt his head up to look at him. “I want to be yours.”

Sebastian swallows, both hands cupping Blaine’s face. He leans his forehead down until they touch, his nose grazing his. It sends a sharp shiver down Blaine’s spine, his hands falling to Sebastian’s waist to tease the skin up and under his t-shirt.

“You are mine.” He says gently, the words finally solidifying feelings that weren’t defined before or even said out loud. Blaine’s heart hammers so hard in his chest that he’s sure Sebastian can hear it, is pretty sure all of Dalton can hear it.

It’s something. It’s real.

“And I am yours.”

000

Blaine sighs as sunlight peeks through the window of his dorm room, teasing the tip of his nose and making his squint before he hides his face in his pillow. It’s early, he can feel it in his bones as he turns away from the window. Early might be eight AM or ten, anything feels early when you’re up until three in the morning cramming for one last final. He has to get up, he knows it, but he can’t seem to pass the message from his brain to his limbs. He lies still.

He has to start packing his things up to move out in the next few days, his final semester at Dalton coming to a close. All he has left is one AP History final and…that’s it. Graduation. Before his whole life changes even though it already has in so many ways. His arms open wide to accept them because trying to push away changes is almost like trying to push a brick wall and move it by himself, by sheer force of will alone. Inevitable.

The weather at least doesn’t look half as miserable as the past few days have been. The chill in the air is gone, no more constant rain with dark gray clouds waiting for _just_ the moment for when he forgets his umbrella to start opening up. Spring is making room for Summer, the last couple weeks of May quickly disappearing into June.

He knows it’s a cliché thing to say how much your life can change in a day, in a moment, an instant…but it’s true. This time last year he was still with Kurt. They were in love. They talked about New York, spread a map out before them and thought about where they’d end up, how they’d live; two starving artists wanting nothing more than to catch their big Broadway breaks. It’d be hard but they’d be happy.

Sebastian turns a little in bed, letting out a soft noise that sounds like a groan as he moves the wrong way and sunlight smacks him in the face. He puts his hand over his eyes and Blaine chuckles warmly before pressing a kiss to the top of his arm.

Life can change in a fraction of a second.

“Don’t get up.” Sebastian mumbles, almost sounding like he’s about to fall back asleep, his arm moving to wrap around Blaine’s shoulder blades.

The shorter smiles softly, scooting closer under the umbrella of his arm and rests his lips against the warm skin of his side. “I have to pack,” He whispers, voice still thick with sleep. “I want to get most of it done before my History exam at three.”

He scrunches his nose, glancing to the nightstand over Blaine’s shoulder. “It’s…nine-thirty. You have time. Besides, we both know those drawers of yours are more organized than my collection of sex toys,” He teases, tickling his side as blush kisses Blaine’s neck and chest. “Which is quite a statement. It’ll take two minutes for you to move piles of folded clothes into a suitcase.”

“But…” Blaine tries to protest but Sebastian moves quickly, gracefully like a cat. He rolls over until his body is settled on top of his own, all long lines pressing in just the right places.

“Stay,” Sebastian nips his lower lip, their noses nuzzling. “In bed.”

He almost instantly melts into his touch; it’s far too easy and an embarrassed sensation swoops into Blaine’s stomach as he kisses along his jawline. Sebastian’s arms are holding himself up on either side of his biceps, the shorter’s hands moving to trace down his sides.

Sebastian shivers, goosebumps traveling over his skin, Blaine watches the reaction until it disappears under the sheets. It’s early, they have the time, he just wants to make sure he actually packs at some point. James will be out for at least another two or more hours; he’s learned to wake up early and head out and not come back until at least three. It’s fine though, he goes to Dalton’s gym, attends class, finds breakfast, mingles with friends…and doesn’t walk in on Sebastian and Blaine completely naked and in the middle of….things.

That’s happened twice and the second time Sebastian snapped out a question along the lines of ‘would you like to join’? James backed out of the room with a hand over his eyes and bumped into his dresser, nearly knocking it over.

Sometimes Blaine feels bad because this isn’t just _his_ room. He has a roommate; he never considered himself to be the type of person that puts their boyfriend (yeah. _Boyfriend_ ) before their roommate. But if it really does bother James he never says a word about it; part of him is convinced that he’s just happy that he and Sebastian finally seem to be on the right track, the same page. And if that means he has to avoid his room some nights (and mornings) then so be it.

“And if I stay?” Blaine asks after a moment, his voice rough for a completely different reason now. His legs slightly pull apart to accommodate the weight of Sebastian’s body, his waist slipping between them, a sharp breath getting caught in his throat as bright green meets hazel.

“I’ll make it worth your while.” Sebastian promises, licking his lips. The green that was once the resemblance of Summer leaves has darkened to a color that reminds him of pine trees against a gray stormy sky.

Air hitches in Blaine’s throat as Sebastian sinks lower against his body, the other’s cock bumping along the inside of his thighs before the covers go up and over his head. Sebastian spreads his legs further, bending one at the knee before he starts kissing and sucking hickies into the inside of his thighs.

“You’re lucky I don’t have P.E. anymore.” Blaine moans gently. He knows Sebastian understands _exactly_ what he’s talking about. His workout shorts don’t exactly leave much to the imagination and where Sebastian’s lips are, well, so are bright purple bruises a few hours later.

The taller smirks, his voice muffled a little because he’s under a few sheets but Blaine can feel the vibration of it against his skin. It’s enough to make his cock jerk in anticipation.

“Such a shame,” He purrs, his tongue tracing circles closer and closer to Blaine’s balls. “Remind me to give you one on your neck for the sheer purpose of people seeing it.”

Blaine almost laughs but the sound is completely swallowed by a throaty groan, Sebastian no longer taking his time to dedicate his mouth to foreplay as his lips wrap around the head of his cock. Sebastian holds down his hips with his hands, thumbs tracing that muscular V, Blaine’s head tipping back against the pillow as his fingers dig into the mattress.

Sebastian knows exactly where his sweet spots are, how long he can tease him before he goes barreling over the edge, the press of his tongue, his fingers, the hollowing out of his cheeks—Blaine tries not to think about how many guys he must have done this with, that his talent stems not just from knowing weaknesses that make him tremble and moan like the back of his hand.

His hips try to grind up into Sebastian’s mouth as he takes him deeper, his tongue tracing the vein pulsing in time with his heartbeat. Blaine’s not going to last long at all but he has a feeling that Sebastian isn’t exactly trying to draw this out either.

Blaine gasps as Sebastian’s lips close around the base of his cock, his throat humming gentle vibrations that he can feel ricochet through his bloodstream. His fingers itch to reach under the covers and stroke his boyfriend’s hair, to tug on the strands, to fuck his hips up into his mouth. He feels his one hand play with his balls as the other gently strokes his thigh.

“Seb—” He tries to warn but it’s too late, he cums hard, panting wildly. Sweat kisses a sheen over his skin, resting along his forehead and the back of his neck, his chest and stomach.

Sebastian doesn’t make one noise of protest, his mouth pulling off his cock with a resounding popping noise. The shorter groans, his hand moving to pull the covers back, looking down at the boy still between his legs. His cheeks are flushed a dark pink, eyes lidded and pin-pricked black, he’s breathing heavily and licking his lips.

“Fuck, come here.” Blaine insists, yanking him up onto his chest until his lips are hungrily on his.

They kiss deeply, he can taste himself on his tongue, Sebastian rocking his hips into Blaine’s even though his cock is sensitive. The shorter reaches down between them and gently grips Sebastian’s cock, a satisfied moan emptying into his mouth as he finally, _finally_ feels pressured friction.

He doesn’t need very much, he’s hard and _aching_ and Blaine gives two firm strokes before flicking his thumb over his head back and forth and he’s cumming. His whole body rocks into it, panting soft whines into his mouth, Blaine’s other hand traveling up and down his spine.

A moment passes as noises and heavy breathing fades, the sun tickling their skin as it presses more past the curtains on the window. Sebastian settles his body on top of Blaine’s, not caring about the mess between them, cocks soft and spent. Blaine tucks his nose into his shoulder, breathes in the scent of sweat, of skin, of soap.

Sebastian’s lips trace and tease kisses against his jawline before falling to his neck, sucking a bright purple and blue hickey there—as promised.

“Aren’t you glad you stayed in bed?” Sebastian grins against the space between his neck and shoulder, a tired laced laugh leaving Blaine’s chest in response.

The world grows fuzzy and dark around the edges and with two deep and sated breaths later Blaine is asleep again.

~~

The next time Blaine manages to pry his eyes open the sun has moved across the room, highlighting floating specks of dust as it shines on his dresser and closet space. He pats the space next to him, frowning as his hand can’t find Sebastian’s warm body. Blaine sighs softly and turns, pressing his face into the other’s pillow, breathing in the scent of his hair, hints of skin and shampoo. From what he can tell James isn’t in the room or there would be some wiseass remark about his consistent if not rambunctious sex life as he stirred awake. Nothing greets him as he sits up in bed, he’s alone.

Which is probably for the best because if he had woken up next to Sebastian for a second time he’d get no packing done and would probably be late for his exam in—he glances at the clock—three hours. He runs a hand through his messy curls, scrunching his nose as he sees a post-it taped to a Styrofoam cup of coffee from Dalton’s café.

_Morning (again) sleeping beauty._  
I’m getting a shower. Feel free to join ;)   
Or pack, if you have to (I can literally  see you rolling your eyes), and picture everything you’re missing out on.   
xx Seb

Blaine smirks and sets the note aside, picking up the coffee to take a long sip. It’s still lukewarm and just how he likes it, lots of cream, a sprinkle of cinnamon. He manages to pull himself from bed and yank on a pair of his sky blue cut off shorts at the knee before tugging on a navy blue t-shirt. He really has to shower before his exam but he figures this is good enough for now while he starts packing up his things

He barely has two drawers squared away in his suitcase before his cell phone starts chirping on his nightstand. Blaine sighs, stepping over a few pairs of shoes before grabbing it. He doesn’t look at the screen before picking up, naturally assuming it’s his mother or Cooper.

“Hello?”

“Blaine.”

He freezes; it’s neither one of them. He knows that voice like the back of his hand, sends an unpleasant shiver right down his spine to the point where he almost feels sick to his stomach. He’s not sure why he hadn’t considered that this conversation was coming; there were pictures of him and Sebastian everywhere. His friends, while not a hundred percent accepting, had been satisfied with the fact that Blaine was _happy._ But this? Why hadn’t he _thought_ about this very phone call, especially since he and Kurt had been talking a lot more frequently. Simple conversations, usually a few texts exchanged and not much else but he hadn’t _told_ him about Sebastian.

Because…well, it hadn’t really felt like his business.

“Kurt.” Blaine clears his throat, for a moment at a loss with what to say. “How…how are you?”

Kurt lets out a sharp laugh, something that stabs at his insides. He swallows, a hollowing pit in his stomach forming when he knows he’s about to get a lecture.

“How am I? Oh, I’m _fine._ Thanks so much for asking.” Blaine opens his mouth to reply but Kurt continues in a rush. “Actually, I was fine _before_ I realized there was a chance that you’re dating _Sebastian Smythe.”_

Blaine closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Kurt…”

He hears a distinct intake of air into his lungs as realization crashes all around him. Oh. _Oh,_ Kurt didn’t actually know, he was just calling him for conformation—which apparently he just got.

“Oh god, it’s…it’s _true,_ isn’t it?” There’s a slight ruffling of sheets, like maybe Kurt is sitting up in bed or he’s at work and he’s dropped a series of fabric swatches. “I called because I wanted you to prove me wrong, to…to tell me it wasn’t true. You can’t possibly be…”

“Look, I know it’s…it’s something hard to swallow but he’s different Kurt. He’s…” He trails off a moment, a soft smile playing with the edges of his lips. “He’s different with me.”

“ _Different?”_ Kurt scoffs, annoyance lacing its way along his syllables. “People like Sebastian don’t change, Blaine. He’s wanted you since day one, all of this is a giant game to him. You…please just tell me I’m wrong about this, that this is some sort of cosmic April fool’s joke the world is playing on me in the middle of May.”

“I—” Something pops in Blaine’s chest, it’s loud in his ears, he can feel it echo in waves throughout his body. He’s nearly shaking he’s so angry as he opens his mouth again, “I’m not some sort of _game_ piece to him, Kurt. You don’t know anything about my—”

He looks up as the door to his room opens, Sebastian stepping back inside. He’s dressed in black shorts with a soft green t-shirt that brings out the variety of shades in his eyes.

“—relationship.” Blaine finishes quietly, trying to give him a soft smile as a hot flush crawls down his neck. Sebastian’s eyebrows draw together as he watches him, finishing toweling off his damp hair before throwing it in the general direction of his hamper.

Kurt scoffs. “You don’t think I can see right through what this is?” His voice is raised, loud and hurt and a mixture of other poignant emotions. Blaine stiffens as Sebastian sits next to him, heady scents of his cologne and body wash wafting to his nose but it doesn’t soothe him like it usually does. He knows he can _overhear_ Kurt through the speaker. “You’re doing this to get back at me aren’t you? Because I was _okay_ with us breaking up? For starting over in New York. Because I didn’t need you as badly as you needed me.”

Blaine knows that Kurt gets like this when he’s upset, when they’re fighting. He protects himself by poking and stabbing at sensitive spots, spots he _knows_ will hurt him. He almost recoils like he’s been slapped, Sebastian reaching for the phone and placing his hand on Blaine’s lower back.

The shorter shakes his head, gently squeezes Sebastian’s knee before letting out a slow breath. “That’s what you don’t get Kurt, this has nothing to do with you.” He’s surprised with how calm he’s able to manage his voice. “I know that’s a foreign concept but my relationship with Sebastian is _not about you.”_

Before Kurt can snap back another heated reply aimed to cut up his insides Blaine ends the call, tossing the phone aside onto his pillow. He lets out a slow breath, running his hands along the tops of his thighs.

Both are caught in a comfortable silence for a few moments, the only noises that flutter against his eardrums are their breathing and muffled conversations in the hallway. Sebastian gently nudges his shoulder with his own, his hand still rubbing pressured circles into Blaine’s lower back.

“You could have at least let me tell him before you hung up that it’s nice to know that he hasn’t changed, seeing as how he still has that giant stick still rammed up his ass.” Sebastian says after a moment, eliciting a small chuckle from Blaine’s lips.

The shorter shakes his head as he turns to look at him, visibly trying to hold himself together. Sebastian watches him a moment, gaze flickering from hazel eyes to his lips before cupping the one side of his face. There’s a long line of tension along Sebastian’s shoulders, a certain expression playing between his eyes, lips and the muscles of his face. It’s not that he feels _sorry_ for him but almost like he’s hurt that Blaine is hurting.

“Come here.” Sebastian says softly, wrapping his arm around Blaine’s tiny frame. He tucks him into his chest, Blaine’s arms winding around his waist, fingers grabbing onto the fabric of the other’s shirt.

He closes his eyes as his nose and lips press into Sebastian’s shoulder, his skin shivering at the sensation of his hands rubbing up and down his back. Blaine can feel his lips plant kisses against his curls, his forehead, his temples. He breathes in slow and deep, the combination of _Sebastian_ making him feel calmer again. At ease.

“I’m proud of you, you know.” Sebastian says after a moment, whispers it against his hairline, all traces of humor gone from his voice. Blaine nods his head gently, puts a kiss against his collarbone without replying. He knows exactly what Sebastian means without him having to add anything else.

_“You let people walk on you because you never tell them how you really feel.”_

Blaine has always been the kind of person who put other’s feelings before his own, someone that goes out of his way to be a shoulder to cry on. He likes being there for people, offering advice when he can, solving problems like it’s as simple as talking about it.

Which is fine, until it’s not.

Cooper is always telling him it’s nice that he wants to be a supportive rock for everyone he cares about but that, at some point, he’s going to start to crumble from all the weight. That his own problems and issues he never talks about are going to eat through his insides, cause fissures in his well-groomed exterior until he cracks and falls apart. Until it completely swallows him whole.

He had meant what he said to Kurt about people changing but it’s not just the fact that Sebastian has changed by being with him but that Sebastian has changed _him_ too.

There’s a balance there between them that he’s never really had with anyone else before, they lean on one another; the support and weight isn’t just held up by one person. Blaine feels tension leave his body when he’s around him and he knows even though Sebastian isn’t the best with using his words that he feels the same way. Can see it in the way his shoulders melt into his touch or the how his eyes close when gentle kisses are pressed on lips and other places.

Sebastian doesn’t stop stroking his back until Blaine pulls away, a small sniffle before he feels the taller brush a kiss across his forehead. His fingers rake down the other’s arms, pressing his thumbs along the branch work of veins that he finds there.

“Thank you.” He whispers, looking up at him, bright hazel meeting moss green.

Sebastian smirks. “For what? Insulting Kurt?” He teases, tapping the tip of Blaine’s nose with his finger, making him scrunch it afterwards. “Anytime.”

Blaine playfully rolls his eyes, sitting back so that there’s a breath of space between their bodies. “You know what I meant.”

“I know what you meant.” Sebastian repeats softly, nodding his head. “You don’t have to thank me.”

The shorter smiles, resting his forehead against Sebastian’s. There’s a few moments of silence between them, breathing one another in, soaking in the warmth each of their presence provide. Blaine tilts his head down until their lips brush, the static electricity from such a simple touch causing waves of heat to prickle through his body and under his skin. He nips at his lower lip; Sebastian making a soft noise in approval.

“Are you sure…I don’t have to thank you?” Blaine asks, his voice low in all the right places. He smiles softly against his lips, Sebastian’s hands falling to the sides of his hips and squeezing.

Sebastian grips his waist suddenly and lifts, Blaine moving with his touch until he’s settled on his lap, straddling his thighs. He bites his lower lip as he looks down at him, swiveling his hips in a small tight circle until Sebastian groans. Sebastian tugs him forward until their pressed chest to chest, his lips starting to map the expanse of his neck down to his collarbone.

A warm fuzziness fills Blaine’s stomach as his body melts into Sebastian’s touch. One of the best things he loves about spring is…this. This _feeling_ of starting over, the flowers that were wilted and dead pushing through the frozen ground and melting snow to bloom all over again. The blues, grays and blacks of winter softening into bright colors of spring; pinks, reds, purples and shades of yellow. It’s contagious—he wants to change with the season, he wants to leave behind who he was and the things he’s done.

This is what he’s needed since the very beginning; he just hadn’t realized it. Someone to fill him in where he’s felt empty, someone to _help_ him with a fresh start.

Sebastian smiles up at him, cheeks flushed from having his face against his shoulder. “Maybe a small apology wouldn’t be so bad.”

Blaine grins and leans down to kiss him fully on the mouth, soft noises caressed against Sebastian’s tongue as it slides between his own lips—

And then the door bangs open, the only thing keeping him from falling backwards off of Sebastian’s lap is his boyfriend’s arms around his waist. He does manage to squeak however as he looks towards the door and sees James putting his hands over his eyes and ramming into the doorframe as he tries to turn and _run_ out of the room.

“Really? It’s _one o’clock_ in the afternoon. Don’t you have an exam Blaine!”

Blaine covers his mouth as a few chuckles escape as James manages to make it out of the room without bumping into anything again and with his vision intact. He brings their foreheads together again, Sebastian’s thumbs pressing underneath the waistband of his shorts, inching him further onto his lap.

“Didn’t you want to ask him if he wanted to join?” He teases, nuzzling their noses.

Sebastian smirks. “Once was enough,” He kisses him gently, the movement of their lips slow with an aching fire bubbling underneath. “Besides, I want you all to myself.”

 


	6. Summer

SUMMER

Blaine knows that the expression ‘time flies’ exists for a reason; that minutes can feel like hours but that they can also be boiled down to seconds. That time can be something as simple as granules of sand slipping through an hourglass and as complex as trying to map out a plan for the future. He never thought he’d be applying that expression to his life so sullenly but, when he thinks about it, summer has really flown past him.

It feels just like yesterday he was packing up boxes of his room at Dalton, consolidating his experiences and memories into cardboard squares to take home with him. He’s gotten his acceptance letter to NYADA, and after that not many other acceptance letters matter. It’s all he’s wanted for a very long time, he doesn’t even consider the possibility of going elsewhere. It fits, feels like a lost puzzle piece slipping into place. His future feels easier to plan and accomplish even though he hasn’t even made it to New York yet and has no idea what lies in store for him.

He’s never really done the best with things he couldn’t plan or predict but he doesn’t really have a choice this time. The future will happen whether he’s ready for it or not and the best thing for him to do is to take it head on instead of ending up buried underneath it.

Blaine’s not worried (he refuses to be); he’s always been in love with New York, the stitch work of the skyline, the towering buildings, the people, the way the city seems to gather you close and space you out among the boroughs all at the same time.

He’s not concerned because it’s time for him to branch out, to grow on his own, to leave a place behind and grow roots in another. His friends are spreading out all over; part of him wants to clutch onto what he has, to not let Lima and the person he’s become here slip through his fingers. But another part of him welcomes the change, the opportunity to _become_ someone else.

Adapt. Transform.

He’s stuck between feeling excited and overwhelmed but at least he doesn’t have to go through this metamorphosis alone.

Sebastian hadn’t put all of his eggs into one basket by only applying to Harvard; he had gotten seven different acceptance letters in spring. The choice doesn’t end up being a hard one because his heart already knew where he was going to end up.

Not that Sebastian will _ever_ admit to anything like that.

_“If you think I’m just going to let you go to New York without me you’re highly mistaken.” Sebastian says as leans back against his kitchen counter, watching a mop of curls put a bag of popcorn into the microwave._

_Blaine smirks, not looking at him as he punches the buttons with his pointer finger, watching as the bag spins for a few moments before soft popping noises start. “It’s fine, I was just going to find Kurt, you know,” He shrugs nonchalantly, his voice teasing as he turns to look at his boyfriend. “Become best friends again, rekindle our relationship, the usual.”_

_Sebastian scrunches his nose, reaching for Blaine quickly, tugging him into his chest and making the shorter chuckle. “Hilarious.” He comments dryly against his lips._

_Blaine kisses him instead of responding._

Columbia law school is only a half hour away from NYADA, and that’s if there’s heavy traffic. They’re a hop, skip and a jump away from one another. And it’s not like Blaine won’t end up at Sebastian’s or Sebastian won’t end up spending most nights with him anyways, right? Nothing really has to change between them. The hard part is over, deciding where their futures will bloom. They’re going to end up in the same place, in close proximity.

He has nothing to worry about. So yeah, time _is_ flying. But at least this time he feels like he’s along for the ride instead of it zipping right past him.

000

Packing for NYADA was hard; his mother wouldn’t stop crying but nothing really compares to the ache that starts in his chest when he steps out of his house on an early morning in late July to fly to New York. He doesn’t think it would be this hard, saying goodbye. He’d practiced in his bathroom mirror a hundred times, but he guesses most of it never really compares to the real thing.

Sebastian meets him and his parents at the airport, he’s flying down a week and a half later to move in himself. He’s got an amazing apartment on Broadway, not far from the Columbia campus and a roommate he’s going to stay with. Blaine’s never met him, but he’s heard a lot about him. Jack from France, apparently they’re old friends, met in France during one of Sebastian’s many trips there and have kept in loose contact since then. But he’s not quite sure he wants to hear about or dwell on how _well_ Sebastian seems to really know him.

He sets his carry-on bag down next to his feet as he waits right outside where his flight to New York will be boarding, any minute, nerves making his blood fizzle through his bloodstream. Blaine breathes in and out; trying as hard as he can not to think about what he’s leaving behind but trying to consider what he’s working his way _towards_ instead _._ He turns to Sebastian, his boyfriend looking _far_ too attractive for eight in the morning, cut-off jean shorts and a crisp white t-shirt. He doesn’t even look tired; Blaine hates him a little bit for it.

“You’re nervous.” Sebastian says, his green eyes reading Blaine like an open book.

Blaine laughs softly, shrugs his shoulder as he glances at his parents who are buying cups of coffee from a cart a little ways away from them. “You know how I feel about flying.”

The taller hums, reaching over to play with a curl near Blaine’s ear. He tucks it behind the lobe, Blaine turning his body and angling it to him as his parents continue to wait in line for expensive coffee that probably tastes too burnt. But he’s glad for the alone time with Sebastian, no matter how small. His fingers itch to touch him and he gives into the feeling, regardless of other passengers or his parents. They’ve never exactly been shy with public displays of affection before anyways and they’re not about to start now.

There’s this dull _ache_ that radiates into _sharp_ every so often as he watches Sebastian’s movements, thinks about his hands on him. The sensation only quells when his arms wrap around Blaine’s body, holding him to his chest. Blaine breathes him in, lets his eyes close, tries to ignore the throbbing knot that wants to form in his throat when he thinks about leaving him. It’s not too long now. The plane is going to start boarding soon.

It’s stupid; he knows he’s not _leaving_ Sebastian for good. But it’s a week and a half and he’s grown so accustomed to him just being there. Right down the hall and around the corner. To waking up to him in bed. To falling asleep, his heartbeat in tune with the other’s breathing.

“It’s only ten days.” Sebastian says softly, as if he could read his mind, leaning down to press a kiss to Blaine’s forehead.

“I know.” He whispers, pushing himself up on his toes to kiss Sebastian’s cheek as he pulls back, only creating a second of space between them. He feels a little foolish; Lima is only nine or so hours away from New York and he’s not saying goodbye to everyone _forever._ But there’s still a harsh pull on his ribcage as Sebastian cups the side of his face and brushes another a kiss over his forehead.

“I’m being ridiculous.” He laughs softly, cheeks pinking.

Sebastian smiles, tilting his head a little. “It’s okay to miss me. I would.” He winks.

Blaine rolls his eyes, pushing on his chest but Sebastian just laughs, not letting him take a step back from the circle of his arms. “I’m suddenly overwhelmed with how much I’ll be okay.” He says dryly but can’t help the tug of a smile to his lips.

Sebastian hums, amused, his bright green eyes ticking from Blaine’s hazel ones to his lips. “ _Sassy._ I like it. It’s almost too bad your parents are here, we could sneak off into a bathroom stall before you leave.” His eyebrows waggle suggestively, it’s comical enough to make Blaine laugh—which he realizes was his boyfriend’s initial intention.

Blaine gently tugs at the material of his white t-shirt. “How are you even horny this early in the morning?”

“It’s called morning woo— _wow,”_ Sebastian says quickly as Blaine’s parents walk up to them, hands holding Styrofoam cups.

Blaine smirks and covers his hand with his mouth a moment at his boyfriend’s attempt at back peddling. Sebastian’s cheeks are cherry red and Blaine bites down on his lower lip, squashing the urge to do something stupid like kiss him. If there’s any indication that his mother or father realized what they were inappropriately talking about as they approached it’s not showing on their faces. Thankfully distracted by the fact that their son has to board soon.

“Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Anderson.” The taller clears his throat, taking a cup. “Coffee.”

The shorter smiles against the rim of his cup as he takes a sip of his own coffee, the liquid hot enough that he scalds his tongue but the sensation is oddly welcoming. An announcement fills the large space around them about his flight starting to board; it’s too loud, everything echoes. The words feel hollow against his ribcage as his fingers squeeze the cup of coffee in his hands; watches as people in uncomfortable seats across, behind and in front of him start to get up with their bags for the door.

Blaine swallows, looking up at his parents with a soft smile. “I guess this is it.” He hates that it sounds so final. Ohio isn’t that far from New York, not really. It’s not as far as he _could_ go.

His father hugs him first. He squeezes him tightly and reminds him to please call, even if he’s busy for his mother’s sake. She’s already crying, of course, he can see over his father’s shoulder that Sebastian is gently stroking her arm with a soft smile. Something warm pops in Blaine’s belly as he thinks about how much he loves seeing that; his parents and his boyfriend, the most important people in his life treating one another like extended family.

“Mom,” Blaine laughs softly, hugging her next. Her arms are squeezing his diaphragm so tightly, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt. He smiles, softly rolls his eyes at her overemotional antics but he feels that familiar choking sensation around his throat and it suddenly hurts to swallow. “I’m not moving to Bosnia,” He teases, “I’m nine hours away, two hours if you fly.”

She sighs heavily and pulls back, kissing his cheek with a watery smile. “Just…please promise me you won’t get into any trouble.”

Blaine feels a soft pink kiss his cheeks before he chews on his lower lip, looking next to his mother at his boyfriend, “How can I? I’m leaving all the trouble here.” He insists, scrunching his nose at him.

Sebastian smirks, shaking his head before tugging Blaine into his chest. “Only for a few days, then that trouble is coming to you.”

Blaine’s careful of the coffee in his hand and he suddenly wishes he wasn’t holding it because he wants to be _pressed_ against him. Squeezed tight. Almost wants to crawl inside his pores and stay there, breathe with him, feel the heat of his skin.

He closes his eyes, memorizes the way his arms feel around him, tattoos the gentle pressure of his lips against his forehead. His parents have stepped away, towards the gate, giving them a little privacy for goodbyes.

There is so much he wants to say in these few last minutes, another announcement states that it’s the last boarding call for his flight; Blaine reminds himself _again_ that they’re not parting for good. But a week and half suddenly feels like months, an entirely new set of seasons, minutes and moments.

Sebastian pulls back from Blaine, enough to put a second of space between them and brushes his lips over his forehead, the bridge of his nose and kisses his upper lip. A soft noise leaves Blaine’s throat as he leans forward, up on his toes and presses his lips to his; the movements slow and intimate.

He has to go, time is slipping through his fingers like sand stuck in an hourglass. Blaine pulls back and nuzzles their noses, making a soft laugh leave Sebastian’s mouth.

“I’ll be right behind you.” Sebastian promises and picks Blaine’s carry-on up off the ground to place into his hands, their fingers brushing with small instances of static electricity.

He moves to show his ticket and board the long hall that attaches to the entrance to the plane. He steps onto the platform, can feel the humidity from outside through the thin walls, smell the dew that’s gathered so early in the morning.

Blaine doesn’t look back.

~~

Time doesn’t just fly by; it catapults itself right by his head, almost hitting him directly in the face sometimes. His first few days are an illusion of slow—he moves into the NYADA apartments, with his few suitcases and lonely carry on. The space feels too empty, even with the general furniture given to him and his roommate. He knows his parents are sending most of his things, the necessities, but it really doesn’t stop him from overspending at IKEA.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to like his new roommate at first; for one he had completely forgotten that these apartments were co-ed and he hadn’t marked a preference when filling in his application. So Blaine’s completely surprised when a wild looking redhead pops out of the right bedroom and nearly knocks into him.

“Whoa, watch it curls.”

Blaine scrunches his nose. “Blaine.”

She smiles brightly; she has a pale face, freckles dusting her high cheekbones, but a wide smile that almost seems to take up half of her face. The girl reaches for his hand and squeezes in a firm handshake that almost makes him laugh.

“Caroline, _not_ Care-bear ever. Nice to meet you roomie.” She flutters past him, smells of incense and sunflowers flowing after her in her wake before she disappears out the front door.

So the interaction is short…but she seems nice? He misses James, suddenly, as he settles into his own bedroom and starts packing away some of his things. Blaine plays with his phone between his fingertips as he puts away a set of sweaters before he types out a message.

**Blaine Anderson** 10:43 PM: I miss you.

The response is almost instant; he barely has time to take his laptop out of his carry-on to set on his desk.

**James O’Brien** 10: 44 PM: What did Sebastian do now???

Blaine smirks, sitting down on his bed. **Blaine Anderson** 10:46 PM: Hilarious :P

**James O’Brien** 10:48 PM: ;) **  
James O’Brien** 10:48 PM: I miss you too.

It’s late when Caroline gets back from wherever she was in the first place but he doesn’t come out of his room to chat with her again. He left her a note on the fridge about leftover dinner…but he’s still not sure whether they’re compatible or not. From what he’s seen of her things she seems like a warm and down to earth kind of person; a little but eccentric but, really, he’s grown up with _Cooper_ as a brother. He can handle eccentric.

His apartment space starts to feel a little less lonely around one AM when he gets a Skype call from Sebastian. It’s not nearly as long as he needs it to be, basically just something short and sweet to say goodnight. To see one another. He _aches_ to touch him in a way he’s never really felt before, the kind of ache that resonates down to his very bones.

When the call ends he almost worries that he might have been too loud; Sebastian isn’t exactly a quiet _anything_ let alone talker. But when he pokes his head out of his door, Caroline’s is still closed across their living room.

So he goes to bed without thinking anything about it. It’s not until morning when he’s trying to see if Caroline has something that isn’t peanut butter or cereal in their kitchen cabinets that he realizes she _must_ have overheard his Skype call with Sebastian because—

“So, blowjobs hmm? You seem like such a… _hands on_ kinda guy.” She says absently, like she’s discussing the weather as she pours them both coffee. He almost drops the sugar bowl.

When she teasingly keeps offering him blowjobs (especially when Sebastian is on the phone) and he notices that she owns the entire series thus far of _Criminal Minds_ on DVD he decides that, yeah, he’s definitely going to like her.

~~

Sebastian moves into his apartment on Broadway a week and a half later, right on schedule, his roommate Jack already in full swing of carrying boxes into their place as he arrives. Of course Sebastian’s parents were far more punctual in sending his things down in a mover’s truck, nearly perfectly in sync with when he was arriving. He notices Sebastian right away, tugging a box full of kitchen supplies towards him; he’s wearing a sky blue t-shirt that shows spots of sweat from exertion.

He bites down on his lower lip as he slowly approaches, tilting his head to the side to appreciate the long lines of his boyfriend’s body.

“Hey you, need some help?”

The taller hesitates before turning around, giving him a smirk. “I don’t know. I think my boyfriend would be pretty pissed off if I accepted help from a gorgeous stranger.”

Blaine shrugs his shoulder. “’Gorgeous’ hmm? Well, I think _gorgeous_ guys willing to help you with your many boxes inside are few are far between. He’ll get over it.”

Sebastian playfully scoffs, smiling down at him fondly as Blaine moves to stand directly in front of him. “You obviously don’t know my boyfriend. About this high,” He ruffles the top of Blaine’s curls, to which he huffs a little and bats his hand away, “Great ass, kinda the jealous type—”

He cuts him off with a kiss, practically _throws_ himself into Sebastian’s arms. A small noise of surprise and amusement muffles against Blaine’s lower lip before he feels his arms wrap around his waist and draw him impossibly close. The kiss ends naturally, even though part of Blaine doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t care that they’re in public or that Jack could come down for another box at any minute.

Sebastian smirks, running his thumb over Blaine’s cherry red lower lip. “Now you’ve done it,” His voice is raspy, he can almost literally _feel_ it scratch down his spine. “My poor boyfriend won’t even see this breakup coming.”

Blaine laughs and rolls his eyes, poking Sebastian’s sides in his ticklish spots until they part from one another. “Shut up.” He turns towards the open back of the truck, eyes grazing over a good amount of boxes still left. He scrunches his nose, pushing the corner of a box Sebastian is about to grab. “Why do you have so many boxes labeled ‘Kitchen’?”

The taller lets out a breathy laugh, leans down to brush a kiss under Blaine’s ear and whisper there. “…Because not all of those boxes are actually kitchen supplies.”

A dark red creeps down Blaine’s neck as he realizes what Sebastian is referring to and nearly drops a box as he fishes it out of the back of the truck. “Oh. Right, I…do I even want to know why you’d label your sex toys as ‘kitchen’. Why not ‘bedroom’.”

“I’m equal opportunity when it comes to the space I use my…supplies in.” Sebastian teases with a shake of his head, leaning down to kiss Blaine’s cheek before adjusting a box in his arms. “Ever the blushing school boy.”

Blaine smiles softly before shaking his head, rubbing his one cheek on his shoulder like it’s enough to get rid of the blush; like it’s red paint smeared over his skin. He looks up to see a tall and skinny guy approach the truck and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s Jack. For some reason he didn’t think of him like this when he tried to create an image in his mind’s eye of what he looked like; he was thinking average height, maybe muscular, probably a brunette.

He wasn’t exactly right on any count.

Jack’s frame was long like Sebastian’s but with his jet black hair he kind of reminded him of some sort of insect, a spider maybe, legs for miles. His face was very angular but in an attractive way, sharp around his edges, tattoos peaking up from under his maroon colored t-shirt. His skinny black jean shorts seem to elongate his waist a little bit and when he looks over at them Blaine almost stops at the beautiful ice color that are his eyes.

Well. If he didn’t hate Jack before he certainly does now.

“Bonjour,” Jack says as he approaches them, his voice smoky sounding, though Blaine isn’t sure if that’s natural or from cigarettes. “You must be Blaine, right?” He can hear notes of French in his tone, even from a small greeting, something that comes from living in the culture and speaking the language for too long.

“Yeah, that’s…hi.” Blaine tries to stick his hand out under the box he’s holding to shake Jack’s but it doesn’t exactly work. Sebastian chuckles softly, Jack sticking his hands in his pockets as if on instinct. “Nice to meet you.”

“You’re not really who I pictured when Sebastian said he had a boyfriend.” Jack moves past them to grab another box, one labeled ‘bedroom’. It’s not exactly an insult but it doesn’t feel like some sort of compliment either.

Blaine glances at Sebastian, who doesn’t seem to be paying attention to their conversation because he’s moving towards the apartment. “Yeah, likewise when Sebastian said he already had someone to room with. Are you going to Columbia too?”

Jack steps into the truck and starts pushing boxes that have shifted because of the drive in the back towards the front. “Yeah, for Nursing.” He picks up a box and sets it down on top of the one Blaine is already holding. The shorter groans softly at the added weight to which Jack just smirks and runs a hand through his hair, which is sticking up in odd angles. But, of course, not in an unattractive way.

“So you’ve known Sebastian for a long time?” Blaine asks, can’t help himself, curiosity winding it’s way around his stomach and squeezing.

The other boy looks down at him before picking up a box and stepping out of the truck. He smirks, licking his lips as his eyes trace over Blaine’s form. It’s not appreciative, he feels like he’s being analyzed, bit by bit—like Jack isn’t quite sure what to make of him.

“Oh yeah, we go way back. Didn’t he tell you?” That’s clearly a jab of some kind because it’s quite obvious that, no, Sebastian hasn’t said anything about it.

Blaine watches Jack’s retreating back disappear through the apartment doors. He shifts the boxes in his hands, the weight heavy and uncomfortable on his muscles, his biceps screaming for him to set them down but his feet stay planted on the concrete. An uncomfortable prickling sensation pumps through his bloodstream which he has to physically shake himself out of feeling as Sebastian appears in front of him again.

He takes the top box so he can see his boyfriend’s face, giving him a soft smile and plants a kiss on his forehead—or at least, he tries to. It’s awkward with the boxes against both of their chests that separate them. “You alright?”

Blaine nods, swallowing down worry and all the words he should probably say but doesn’t. “Yeah,” He smiles softly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

000

It’s one of the last hottest days in August and as the universe would have it, his entire building loses its air conditioning. Blaine checks in with the landlord consistently, many promises made that it’ll be fixed by the end of this week (also known as, as soon as the hot weather breaks that’s when the air conditioning will be fully functional again). He knows he should probably go out and enjoy the weather, Caroline had invited him to the pool, because this is it. This is Summer’s last hurrah before Fall starts to creep in and along with Fall comes school and stress and responsibilities that he can’t outrun.

Regardless of the fact that he knows this, he finds himself lying on his couch in his boxer briefs and nothing else, taking advantage of the fact that his roommate won’t be back until the sun disappears and the moon makes her grand entrance. He tries a bunch of positions but nothing is comfortable, the fan he has on full blast directed at him is just blowing hot air around. Blaine’s skin is sticky with sweat, his curls a wild frizzy mess, but he can’t be bothered to get up let alone do something productive like get a tall, cold glass of iced tea or take a lukewarm shower.

Blaine turns his head as he hears a key slide into the lock of his front door, knows it can only be one other person since his roommate his MIA at the pool. He smiles softly as he sees his boyfriend come in over the back of the couch, closing the door with his foot. Blaine had given him a key a while ago, it just seemed fitting that he had one to come and go as he wanted, to spend the night when he felt like it (which was practically any time Sebastian didn’t want to get up out of his bed). Caroline certainly didn’t mind waking up to find his boyfriend practically half naked in their kitchen making coffee so, sounded like a win-win if you asked him.

“Hey you.” Blaine says as he sits up against the corner of the couch, propping himself along a few pillows.

Even though the heat of the day would make most people look and feel grimy with sweat and red skin, Sebastian looks gorgeous—his skin is sun-kissed, hair a shade lighter than normal, he looks cool and collected in a pair of light-weight white cutoff shorts and a pink pin-striped t-shirt. Sunglasses are hanging loosely under his chin, the arms holding them in place behind his ears. He smiles brightly as he notices him, taking the sunglasses off and setting them on the kitchen counter before moving to sit on the other end of the couch.

Blaine sighs and turns so that his upper back and head are resting on Sebastian’s lap, the taller smirking lightly before raking his fingers through his hair.

He groans a little at the contact, Sebastian scratching his nails against his scalp. “You look like a melted popsicle.” He teases lightly, making Blaine give him a half-heated glare.

It almost feels too good to argue, Sebastian being there, the warmth of his body, the smell of his skin and cologne, fingers in his hair distracting him from the stifling heat. “I feel like one.” Blaine scrunches his nose, a content sigh eventually finding its way out of his throat. “I’m so glad you came over.”

Sebastian smiles, amused, content with sitting there a few moments as he watches Blaine arch a little into his touch. “I told you I would.” He says.

“I know I just…” He trails off, scrubbing his hand over his face before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ve been busy with Jack lately, I wasn’t…I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to make it. That’s all.” His voice drops a few octaves as he speaks the last of his sentence, like he’s not sure if he wanted to say that or not.

The taller’s fingers pause just for a moment before finding a rhythm again in Blaine’s curls. “I know, I’m sorry. We’re just trying to acclimate ourselves to Columbia’s campus, trying to locate our advisors, making our schedules for classes…”

Blaine nods softly, taking a deep breath into his lungs as the fan waves a gentle but cooling wave of air against his overheated skin. He knows Sebastian being busy has nothing to do with him or Jack…not specifically, anyways. But…Jack is _gorgeous_ and he speaks Sebastian’s mother tongue, they have a past, a history, they _live_ within inches of one another. And he knows it’s ridiculous to feel the way he does, he knows that Sebastian’s been chasing after him since practically the day they met, but he can’t help the little bubbles of _jealousy_ that seem to pop up when he least expects it. Over Jack.

He should never feel the way he does and it’s not Sebastian’s fault. Blaine never used to let jealousy get the best of him, but for some reason his boyfriend seems to encourage it with flying colors.

“But you know,” Sebastian continues, his other hand rubbing Blaine’s shoulder. “It _has_ been hard for me to concentrate when I keep,” His hand on his shoulder slides down his body, causing a confusing flutter of goosebumps to appear over his sides as Sebastian’s fingers graze above his hips. “finding myself thinking about your ass in those sinful red shorts you own.” Sebastian smiles down at him, lazy dark green meeting curious honey hazel. His fingers play with the waistband of Blaine’s boxer briefs, sneaking past the elastic, grazing his ass. “Or…better yet…” He cups his left ass cheek as best as he can, Blaine laughs and squirms, cheeks tinting pink. “barely anything at all.”

“Seb, stop.” Blaine breathes out, even though that’s really the last thing he wants Sebastian to do. Sebastian slides his hand out of his boxer briefs, leans down to kiss his forehead. “I’m too hot. And you’re definitely not helping me cool down at all.”

Sebastian hums and is up off the couch so fast that Blaine’s back hits the cushions unevenly and he almost tumbles onto the floor. He huffs and sits up, positioning himself back in the corner of the cushions with his legs sprawled out in front of him. He looks over the back of the couch, a crinkle appearing on the bridge of his nose as he wonders what his boyfriend’s doing until he appears next to him once again.

This time with an ice cube tray.

His eyes are dark, lidded, and he licks his lips before he sets the tray down on the coffee table. Sebastian takes an ice cube between his long fingers and straddles Blaine’s waist, a sharp gasp leaving the shorter’s mouth as the ice cube is trailed along his lower lip.

“How ‘bout now?”

Blaine laughs softly, can’t help it, before he shakes his head. There’s an unbearable _heat_ along his waist thanks to the proximity of Sebastian’s body. His cock swells against his stomach and of course his boyfriend knows exactly what he’s doing, the ice cube drips cool drops against his chest as Sebastian pops the remainder of it into his mouth.

“Are you _trying_ to give me a heatstroke?”

Sebastian smirks, leaning up a little to yank off his slightly damp t-shirt. A brea th hitches in Blaine's chest at the exposure of skin, tinged and flushed pink, glistening with sweat. The sight alone makes something resembling hot coals crack in his lower belly, jerking lower, his cock twitching with interest against his stomach. It’s too goddamn  _hot_  for this.

“Are you doubting my ability to cool you down?” He teases, reaching for another ice cube.

“You’re certainly not headed in that direction thus far.” Blaine replies pointedly as he grinds his hips up, hisses between his teeth as his hard cock makes contact against the inside of Sebastian’s thigh.

He stands then, undoing his shorts before sliding them down and kicking them aside. Blaine watches him with his lower lip between his teeth, breathing already quickened as his pulse jumps in his throat. His hand slides down his own body, palms his cock through his boxer briefs as his boyfriend picks up another ice cube. The heat is sickeningly sticky against his body, it’s heavy on his lungs like cinder blocks. But the _moment_ Sebastian straddles his body again and drags the ice cube with his mouth against his right nipple it’s like a sweet breath of relief all its own.

The ice melts quickly against his skin, as Sebastian trails it down his chest and stomach, lets it melt against his bellybutton. Goosebumps feather over Blaine’s skin as he feels him move lower, leaning down, a noise emptying from his throat as cool lips sucks hickies against his side.

“ _Sebastian.”_ Blaine moans, his tongue cool as he licks against the vein that disappears into his boxer briefs. Sebastian just hums, doesn’t answer, continues his administrations instead. His mouth is removed from his skin and Blaine nearly whines at the lack of contact before he feels another ice cube.

This time trailing against the aching hot skin of his cock as his boxers are yanked aside none too carefully, he’s pretty sure he hears the fabric rip. Blaine gasps, the sensation of _ice cold_ against his cock confusing and _sodamngood._

“I got you, sweetheart.” Sebastian murmurs under his breath, or maybe Blaine’s imagining it, it sounds like rushing water against his ear drums his heart his pounding so fast. He feels like he may have melted into a puddle and not realized it.

He’s distracted from the heat, but just barely, because before he realizes what Sebastian is doing next his boxers are off and he’s sliding Blaine’s cock into him. It’s _tight_ and hot and rough in a way they’re not used to. But Sebastian seems fine, he seems _more_ than fine that he hasn’t been properly prepared—his fingers are tight along the back of the couch, his other hand grabbing another ice cube. He fumbles with it, nearly drops it onto Blaine’s chest but the _noises_ that are leaving his throat are almost enough for Blaine to lose it.

Blaine’s hands fall to Sebastian’s hips, squeezing, watches as his boyfriend trails the ice cube down his own body. His chest, his flat stomach, the muscular V and down along his cock which is dripping precum onto Blaine’s belly. The shorter groans, waits until his eyes connect with Sebastian’s before he receives a brief head nod and thrusts his hips up.

“Fuck, Blaine.” Sebastian growls, drops the ice cube. It melts quickly against Blaine’s stomach and slides in drips down his side, sending a shiver along his spine.

He arches his hips up and creates a rolling motion, Sebastian fucking down as Blaine jerks up; it’s fast and rough around the edges, heated aches like exposed nerves, sweat and _skin_ and labored breathing. Sebastian cums first, white ropes spilling across Blaine’s stomach, his ass clenching around his cock and it only takes two more thrusts for him to tumble over the edge.

Blaine’s breathing so hard he’s almost certain he’s going to pass out, he’s _hot_ and yet somehow shivering from the intensity of his orgasm all at the same time. Sebastian huffs out a soft sound, leans down and trails kisses from Blaine’s collar bone along his neck and up until lips meet lips. He smiles into the kiss, slowly lifting his body up until his cock falls free; they press into one another as Sebastian settles warmly between his legs.

“Do you think if I called 911 and told them I was having a heatstroke from an orgasm they’d laugh at me or send an ambulance?” Blaine asks, dizzy with tiredness from the heat and Sebastian himself.

The taller chuckles, fingers reaching up to stroke through Blaine’s sweat-damp curls. “Come on, let's take a cool bath.” He says, smirking at the somewhat amused expression on his boyfriend’s face.

Alright, so, maybe there’s _one_ good thing about it being this hot.

 


	7. Autumn

AUTUMN

The heat disappears with the length of the day, the temperature dropping over an extended period of time. It smells like snow sometimes when he wakes up at the crack of dawn for class, when the dew freezes as tiny ice droplets on leaves and along his windowpane, when the wind blows so cold around corners that it almost feels like a wall of ice is slamming into his body through the thin layers of his clothes and windbreaker. It’s too early for snow, most of it when it does fall melts upon impact on the concrete. Gorgeous and short-lived, just like the definition of the season itself.

There’s a brief few weeks in the beginning of autumn when the green fades into fiery oranges, lightening yellows and burning reds, the trees gorgeous and fleetingly stunning in their stages of dying. A numbered handful of days when the sun is still warm even though the air grows cooler, before warm colors turn into the blacks and browns that signify the end of autumn and the beginning of winter.

Not that he doesn’t enjoy winter for what it is; there’s something about the bare trees that call out to him. He likes to think of them as skinny or fat paintbrushes, that if they were pulled out by the root and turned upside down he could dip them into paint and add brushstrokes of missing color to the sky.

But Fall, out of all the seasons, still continues to be his favorite. He loves Fall. He loves the anticipation of cooler weather, of leaves pulling free of branches and circling towards the ground. He loves his scarf collection, bonfires, pumpkins and the holidays that follow suit.

Particularly when Sebastian buys him a pumpkin spice latte before class, just because, and tugs him close by his scarf to brush their lips before kissing him.

It’s those moments especially when Blaine thinks, yeah, he definitely loves Fall a lot.

000

It’s a tradition for Blaine in the beginning of Autumn to go shopping for a new sweater. It’s not so much that he actually has to _buy_ one, but going through the motions of actually heading out to the nearest department store and looking for one is what matters. It’s good luck, it always has been. Blaine’s not one to let superstitions cloud his better judgement but…all he’s saying is that when he _doesn’t_ start the season out with looking for a new sweater Fall doesn’t always end up as great as it could have been.

So here he is, milling around one of the largest Macy’s in the world in the middle of October, looking for the perfect sweater. His hand squeezes the cup of Starbucks coffee in his hand, fingers itching to grab another’s and lace their fingers.

But Sebastian’s not here.

He couldn’t come even though Blaine had asked him to be there a week or so in advance, something about having to help Jack with something. Or do something with Jack. He doesn’t remember exactly what, doesn’t really care. The point is Sebastian chose to do that one thing with Jack instead of be here with him, and this isn’t the first time that this has happened.

It didn’t bother him before but now it’s starting to burrow under his skin, bubble there, a sharp and distinct pain any time Jack’s name is mentioned. Blaine hasn’t talked to Sebastian about this because it feels silly to bring it up; he knows he’s just being jealous, that Sebastian _wants_ to be with him or he wouldn’t be. It’s as simple as that.

But…

“You think Jack is into him?” Blaine asks suddenly, interrupting something Caroline is saying. Right in the middle of her sentence.

She sighs patiently, putting a pair of black and white polka-dot patterned pants back on the rack. Apparently she had been talking about them and he blushes sheepishly as he realizes he wasn’t paying attention. He mumbles a ‘sorry’ under his breath before she loops her arm through his. Caroline leans over and takes a large sip of his coffee before they start walking again.

“Blaine,” She says after a moment. “You’ve _seen_ your boyfriend right? He’s gorgeous, if he swung my way _I’d_ be trying to steal him.”

He chuckles a little, letting his head dip forward. “I’m serious.”

Caroline grins over at him. “Oh, I’m not kidding. I know _you_ don’t get this but, my boobs are winners.” Blaine rolls his eyes playfully before picking up a light gray sweater and showing it to her. She shakes her head and scrunches her nose so he puts it back where it came from and they continue walking.

“Of course Jack’s into him, especially since he’s something he can’t have.” Caroline looks over at him before she stops their movement, putting her one hand on Blaine’s forearm and squeezing. He swallows, not sure if he likes where this conversation is about to turn; he can tell this is something she doesn’t really want to say but is trying to anyways for his benefit.

“I think…what you really need to ask yourself is if Sebastian is into _Jack.”_

And maybe that, above anything else, is what Blaine’s really afraid of. The old Sebastian tucked under the surface of the one who has feelings for him. The one that cares. That old habits are hard to forget and even harder to break. Blaine trusts Sebastian, more than he trusts anyone, and suddenly he’s scared that he’s somehow made a fatal decision in doing that.

Memories of Dalton pinprick the back of Blaine’s mind, before he even met Kurt, before he followed him to McKinley. Back to when he transferred to Dalton for a fresh start, when physical and emotional bruises still scarred the inside of him. He remembers turning the corner of a hallway, trying to find his Biology class when—

_He drops his books. He knew he shouldn’t have been trying to pile them all up in his arms like that, he needs a satchel—but the idea of creating a barrier between him and other people with books against his chest, protecting him, is an opportunity he can’t pass up._

_Blaine pauses as he hears a few voices around the corner up ahead of him, it’s a lounge with some couches and tables. He’s heard that’s where the Warblers practice, a singing group some of his friends have encouraged him to try out for. Maybe he will just…not quite yet._

_He collects his books and piles them up the best he can, a little lopsided but he has a firm grip, and slowly approaches the common area. It’s not like he’s trying to eavesdrop, exactly, but he has to pass this room anyways to find the Science classrooms. So…_

_A tall, lanky boy with gorgeous flecks of yellow in the green of his eyes stands relaxed against an arm of a couch. He has his arms crossed over his chest, and he’s watching another boy who’s pacing in front of him. The other boy is tiny, has fire-red hair, freckles along his cheekbones and the bluest of eyes._

_“Sebastian…” The taller puts his hand up to stop him from speaking, and Blaine swallows at the cat-like grace of his movements. He’s gorgeous and very well knows it too._

_“Are we done here? I have class. The last thing I’m going to do is let a twink with an okay blowjob ruin my perfect attendance and 4.0 standing.”_

_Blaine swallows thickly, worried he’s stepped into listening to a much more private conversation than he’s realized. He goes to back up, turn around or_ something _, but the emotion in the other boy’s voice stops him in his tracks. He recognizes it, it punches him in the stomach, something mixed with desperation, with hurt and betrayal._

_“I just…I thought…I thought be-because—”_

_“You thought_ what?” _Sebastian snaps, with a sneer and coolness that resembles the first frost of Fall, decimating the buds and green of the season before it. “You thought that just because we hold hands sometimes when we fuck makes us dating? Don’t be so naïve, your blushing school-boy act has run its course. It’s boring.”_

_He barely has time to make another decision, to leave or stay planted to the ground, because the red-haired boy runs straight out of the lounge and knocks right into him. His books go flying and Blaine slams into a set of lockers, the boy doesn’t even look back to see the damage he’s created and Blaine doesn’t blame him._

_Kneeling, he lets out a slow breath, collecting his books once again. Blaine pauses, ice in his veins as he hears a set of shoes approach him and looks up to see Sebastian standing over him. He says nothing, his throat suddenly dry. But what Sebastian does surprises him, he kneels down and helps Blaine collect his books._

_“You know, as much as I find voyeurism entertaining—”_

_“I wasn’t—”_

_“Relax, Killer.” Sebastian says, his voice soothing and calm. Melodic. Blaine can_ see _why so many boys fall prey to Sebastian’s clutches, the Dorian Gray effect alluring and tantalizing. He’s not quite sure why there’s a shift in the other’s persona, he expected him to be just as cold and angry as he was in the lounge—especially after realizing Blaine’s heard his entire conversation._

_He doesn’t know whether it’s the look that’s in Blaine’s eyes, or his flustered expression, or whether he knows the rumors of why he’s transferred to Dalton. Or maybe the person Sebastian was in that common area is not actually who he is at all, maybe it’s a mask, maybe he’ll never really know. Whatever the reason, he helps Blaine pick up his books, is gentle and careful and murmurs an ‘it’s okay’ when Blaine’s hands start to shake._

_And as soon as he can he walks quickly down the hall and doesn’t look back._

There must be something about his expression because Caroline’s eyes seem sad—not sympathetic exactly, but her cloudy gray eyes look like a storm is brewing. She leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek, wrapping her arm through his own again before tugging him towards the exit.

“Come on, let’s go get some lunch. My treat.”

He nods softly and throws his Starbucks in the trashcan on the way out. Maybe the question has nothing to do with how Sebastian feels about Jack. Maybe it has everything to do with Sebastian and if he still feels the same way about _Blaine._

 


	8. Winter

WINTER

He thinks the problem will just fade with time. Blaine knows he does this far too often, that he just expects everything to right itself with the spread of weeks, and days, and minutes. That time will brush things under the rug and things will slowly return to a sense of normalcy. But he should know better that sometimes all time does is make things worse.

They don’t talk about the ‘Jack’ thing because as far as Blaine can tell, there is no such subject to discuss where Sebastian is concerned. His boyfriend has no idea how he feels about his roommate. Not really, anyways. He’s picked up notes on his change in behavior; he stiffens when Jack is mentioned, his smile dips significantly when the uninvited roommate makes a guest appearance or ‘ruins’ one of their dates. Because, yeah, Jack has _walked in_ on them trying to be alone with one another.

He’s even managed to interrupt them when Sebastian is over at Blaine’s for the night; a text making Sebastian smile or an urgent phone call that he needs picked up from whatever dive bar he’s crawled into. Blaine tries to play it off every time. It doesn’t bother him.

Sebastian is _his._ It doesn’t bother him.

Except that it does. It really does.

But every time Sebastian asks if something is wrong, Blaine denies the green inner workings of jealously that is continuously wrapping around his ribcage and squeezing the bones together. He plays it off as a headache or too much wine, that he’s tired or daydreaming. Sebastian looks at him for a second too long each time but says nothing, kisses his forehead, and they return back to normal.

Blaine should know better than to let things build, he does this sort of thing every single time. It’s one of his own faults, he should let people _in_ instead of thinking that he’s some sort of burden. That his problems are his own to fix.

As he’s sitting in front of his kitchen window, watching snow fall and build on top of buildings, cars, and sidewalks of unsuspecting New York he realizes he’s doing the exact same thing. He’s letting his problems and tension between him and Sebastian bury them both.

And structures can only hold up under the weight so long before one thing tends to happen: an avalanche.

000

Sebastian is late.

Which usually isn’t that out of the ordinary. His boyfriend tends to run on his own time clock sometimes; extremely early or fashionably late. Besides, it’s just a causal night at home for them; they don’t have any dinners planned or extravagant events to attend. They just talked about movies, popcorn, a very comfy couch and handjobs…because apparently films with his boyfriend don’t always captivate Sebastian’s full attention.

Blaine glances at his phone and tries not to count down every minute that Sebastian doesn’t walk through the front door. He’s not a worrier, really. He’s not. Except…it’s snowing outside, coming down in thick white flakes that are ruining streets and sidewalks and _Sebastian is late._

He jumps as a gentle hand comes down on his shoulder, smiling a little sheepishly as he sees Caroline in her pajamas behind him. “Don’t worry, okay? It’s probably just traffic,” She smiles softly, moving to lean against the counter next to where he’s sitting. “He’ll be here.”

“Yeah, of course.” Blaine nods a little, glancing down at the cup of coffee that’s rapidly cooling between his hands.

He opens his mouth to say something else, probably along the lines of how Caroline does not have to wait up with him until he hears keys jiggling the lock of his front door. It happens for several moments, like the person outside can’t quite figure out what key goes where until the front door swings open.

Blaine stands from the counter and watches as Sebastian stumbles in, a wide grin on his face when he spots his boyfriend. He barely has time to move before long limbs and the weight of his body are pressed against him in a heavy hug. A small noise leaves the shorter’s lips as he wraps his arms around him as quickly as he can; regardless of the cold outside his boyfriend is hot to the touch.

Before he has the chance to say anything Sebastian is standing straight again, grinning down at him.

“You’re up late.”

“I was worried…it was snowing and—” He stares at him a moment, scrunching his nose as a waft of whiskey or something just as strong floats towards his face. Blaine waves a hand in the space between them as if he could dissipate the air. “And you smell like a distillery.”

Sebastian frowns and makes a dramatic motion to just smell the bottom of his shirt. “I do not.”

Blaine sighs, pulls away from him to walk towards the stove to put a kettle of water on. He runs a hand over his face, heat prickling under his skin made out of frustration and anxiety. So. Not only did Sebastian forget that they had a date, he comes home smelling like he’s been living in a bar the past few days. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Caroline hovering, like she’s not sure if she wants to leave Blaine to this or help somehow.

His boyfriend lets out a long sigh and moves to wrap his arms around his waist, pressing his face into the back of his shoulder. Usually Blaine loves this, Sebastian’s arms and hands wrapping around his waist and sides, holding him close, but the alcohol has made the movements almost jerky and rough. Tugging and pulling.

Blaine squirms a little against his touch. “Not now, Sebastian.” He says softly.

Sebastian pulls back, clearly hurt by the comment. His cheeks are kissed red with blush from drinking so much; Blaine almost wants to reach up and run his thumb over his cheekbone but doesn’t.

“You’re mad at me.”

He swallows, looking down at the floor. “I’m not mad. I’m just…” Blaine considers dropping the entire conversation in favor of just putting Sebastian to bed and letting him sleep this off…but. But Sebastian is standing there with that _look_ on his face, that ‘I didn’t do anything wrong expression’ and it itches horribly under his skin.

“I know we didn’t exactly have an entire night planned but you missed our date to get drunk.”

Sebastian frowns like he doesn’t understand. “Date…” He trails off, running a hand through his hair. “What time’is it. I’m not _that_ late, am I? Jack said he’d get me back in plenty of time. Was only one drink,” He smirks. “Or well, three or more drinks ago.”

Every bone at the mention of Jack’s name instantly turns to ice in Blaine’s body. A shudder goes down his spine as his head snaps up to look at his boyfriend. Sebastian is still talking about the bar, about the drinks he’s had, _Jack’s_ company. And all of a sudden, that’s it. The rigidness of Blaine’s body just _shatters_ because he can’t take this anymore.

“So let me get this straight,” Blaine says, his voice frosty but eerily calm as he talks over the tail end of Sebastian’s statement. “You missed our date because Jack took you out _drinking?”_ He scoffs, running a hand through his curls. “Please…tell me that you see it. Right?” His patience running on empty. “I _know_ you can tell when guys are into you, Sebastian! How can you not see it!”

Sebastian frowns but then straightens his back, towering a bit over him, like suddenly this conversation is far too sobering. He waves him off a little, glancing at the tea kettle, completely ignoring Blaine’s outburst.

“I don’t want tea,” He mutters, turning towards the counter. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Well, I guess that’s what happens when you try to crawl inside a tequila bottle.” Blaine retorts.

His boyfriend turns to look at him, a snide smirk hugging his lower lip. He’s irritated now; Blaine would be able to see that even if he didn’t know him so well. His back is rigid, shoulders taut like a rubber band pulled too tightly.

“Alright, did you borrow that stick from Kurt?” Sebastian comments, voice jagged. “What’s your problem?”

“You want to know what my _problem_ is? Jack! That’s my problem.” Blaine’s voice is shrill to the point that some of the wine glasses they have hanging up on a display start to sing with the vibrations.

An incredulous noise leaves Sebastian’s throat, like he can’t believe that they’re having this conversation. Like they’ve had it before even though they’ve never spoken about it; maybe it was something silent, raw inaudible feelings and nothing else.

“Jack…has done _nothing_ but be nice to you.” Sebastian starts but Blaine doesn’t want to hear it, he puts his hand up, his voice speaking _over_ his.

“Oh right, if this is going to be a speech about how _wonderful_ Jack is, I don’t want to hear it. He’s done nothing but make me feel like I don’t deserve you and has tried to _steal_ you from me.”

“You’re being completely ridiculous,” Sebastian insists, pointing at him. Caroline hesitates uselessly in the background, opening her mouth and shutting it quickly, not being able to find the right words to support her friend. “First it was guys at Scandals, then Dalton, _now_ Jack. You’re an equal opportunity worrier, when are you going to get over this and just _trust me.”_

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t trust anyone else!” Blaine yells back, some of the neighbors pounding on the wall for them to kindly ‘shut the fuck up’.

Caroline takes a tentative step forward, placing a gentle hand on Blaine’s forearm and squeezing. He and Sebastian have gotten close in their screaming match, seconds apart, faces red and chests heaving.

“Alright, I think that’s enough for tonight. Blaine, you’re tired and Sebastian, well, tequila has obviously been your friend tonight.”

It’s a joke, it’s _obviously_ a joke, but Sebastian whirls around on her in a second with the same venom he’s been spitting towards his boyfriend the last few minutes. “This is none of your damn business. When I want your opinion I’ll ask for it.”

Heat prickles up Blaine’s back, his fingers curling into fists as frustration licks at his nerve endings. A protective wave crashes into his ribs as he notices Caroline actually _flinch_ from Sebastian’s words and take a soft step back out of the conversation.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Blaine’s voice dips, suddenly bone tired. “You’re the one who’s being a jerk.” Sebastian opens his mouth to argue or to snap at Caroline again, he’s not sure, but Blaine beats him to the punch. “You didn’t even _tell_ me that you were going out with Jack tonight.”

“I didn’t tell you anything because there’s _nothing_ to tell!” Sebastian screams, once again disturbing their neighbors. Blaine swallows thickly as his voice grates into his pores, rings shrilly in his ears. There’s a painful lump in Blaine’s throat as he stares at Sebastian, tears quickly gathering in his eyes.

“I don’t have to tell you what I’m doing every single second of every single day. You’re supposed to be my boyfriend, Blaine, not my mother. Start acting like it.”

He squeezes his fingers into the palms of his hands as he tries to prevent them from spilling out over his cheeks, Sebastian still breathing heavy from the exertion of his shouting. Caroline tries to grab his arm, very gently, but he doesn’t want to be touched. He shakes his head and lets out a soft noise caught between a sob and a scoff and maneuvers his arm away from her hand, quickly moving down the hallway to the his bathroom.

“You’re a dick.” He hears Caroline say to Sebastian before her bedroom door closes.

And Blaine makes sure the bathroom door is shut before he allows his tears to spill down his face.

~~

Blaine runs a bath but ends up sitting on the edge of the tub for an hour, staring down at the faucet drip-drop and echo against his eardrum. He finally had to drain the cold water and refill it with hot (he can literally _hear_ his mother scolding him for practically sending money down the pipes) but his body felt too heavy to move.

The entire conversation he had with Sebastian weighed heavily on his shoulders, like a building being stacked brick by brick against his spine. That was _not_ how he wanted to tell his boyfriend about his insecurities pertaining Jack. Everything had gotten away from him, he’d been swept up in his feelings and worries that it spiraled in a direction that he ultimately didn’t want to go in.

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before he stands and takes his shirt off, throwing it towards the hamper next to the sink. The bathroom door gently swings open a few moments later, a cool burst of air wafting through the thick humidity that’s been created by the hot water. Blaine pauses as Sebastian walks in, head down, but he can tell just by the way he’s carrying himself that he’s far more sober than the last time he saw him.

“I thought you went home.” He says under his breath, turning his attention back to the bath. Blaine moves to turn the water off, the echoing of silence almost deafening in a way he can’t explain.

Sebastian just shakes his head, leans against the door after he closes it. Blaine can feel his eyes on him, fluttering over his skin. He, for the first time in a long time, feels completely uncomfortable being half naked in front of his boyfriend. It’s a different kind of nakedness, it’s not about his skin; it’s about raw nerves, scarred egos and crushed feelings.

But he continues to undress regardless; the only thing that’s going to unwind his muscles is a scalding hot bath. Sebastian can stand there all night if he wants.

Blaine slips into the water, a soft sigh leaving his lips as heat pleasantly crawls up his spine, his body finally relaxing bit by bit. He’s settled in the middle, his arms curled around his knees as his boyfriend moves carefully, slowly, to the edge of the tub and sits.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner about Jack?” Sebastian asks, his voice is curious mixed with something else. Something soft. Regardless of his gentle tone it vibrates against the tiles of the bathroom.

Blaine closes his eyes a moment, letting out a long breath that ripples the water below his knees. “Were you in the kitchen a few hours ago?” He picks his arm up out of the water and motions behind him towards the bathroom door, his voice thick and throat aching. He doesn’t meet Sebastian’s eyes. “Because that’s why.”

Sebastian sighs, looks towards the ceiling before his hand clenches on his knee. Like he wants to run his fingers through Blaine’s curls but decides against it. “Oh come on, you know I didn’t mean anything I said.”

He looks up at him now, his voice catching even though he doesn’t want or mean for it to. “Didn’t you?

The taller watches him for a moment, his heart constricting tightly inside his ribcage as Blaine sniffles, the extreme amount of _hurt_ that’s tinged wetly against his eyelashes. He moves again, stands, quickly takes the layers of his clothes off that smell like distilled alcohol and tosses them across the room before stepping into the tub. Blaine remains unmoving, even when Sebastian settles behind him, tries to tug him between his legs, his lips pressing against the side of his head.

“I didn’t mean it.” He whispers softly, against the other’s skin. “I’m sorry.” A soft noise leaves Blaine’s lips, tears breaking loose and sliding down his cheeks, dripping into the bath water. “Shh, shh.”

He closes his eyes and finally relents into leaning back against Sebastian’s chest, the other’s strong arms wrapping around his chest. Soft murmurings are peppered along the side of his head, against his curls. He can’t understand what’s being said, but it doesn’t really matter.

Sebastian is _here._ And he’s still his.

His cheeks pink that he doubted it, that he allowed himself to twist into someone he doesn’t recognize all because his inner insecurities told him he should. That he couldn’t compare. Blaine knows how to be there for someone; a shoulder to cry on, a wall of support. Maybe that’s one of the reasons he and Sebastian always find themselves interlocking together like wayward puzzle pieces: sometimes Blaine needs Sebastian to hold himself together when he starts to break apart, and sometimes Sebastian needs Blaine to encourage him to open up when he doesn’t want to.

Blaine’s tears eventually slow, the small snuffling noises fade into easy breathing, his body exhausted and pliable like clay against Sebastian’s fingers. He feels butterfly kisses pressed against the side of his head as Sebastian reaches for something out of the tub and squeezes body soap between his hands. Sharp notes of pine waft towards Blaine’s nose, the same scent that lingers on Sebastian’s skin even after a long day.

He feels bubbles lather along his shoulder before Sebastian starts rubbing his hands against his skin, fingers circling sore muscles and tired bones. Soft, appreciate moans start leaving Blaine’s lips every so often and he tries to inch closer to Sebastian in the warm water even though they’re practically pressed up against one another.

“You’re such a pain in my ass.” Sebastian notes fondly, his voice soft and gentle despite the contradiction of his words. “But you’re delusional if you think I’m okay with losing you.”

Blaine opens his eyes and turns a little to look at him, hazel tracing the contours of his face with a soft question buried there but unspoken.

Sebastian swallows, his hand lifting to cup the side of Blaine’s face, thumb tracing his cheekbone. Popping bubbles tickle his jawline but he dips his chin into the other’s palm, his nose bumping against his life line.

“I…never thought I’d have you.” He says honestly, his words dark and deep, from a place that’s hurt and injured. Neither of them have to speak of his past with Kurt, with the slushie, with the animosity and pain and distance because it’s right there on both of their tongues.

“I’m not losing you.” Sebastian repeats, green like ivy staring back at him.

Blaine says nothing but he leans forward instead and despite the slight awkward angle of his body between Sebastian’s legs, he kisses him. It’s lazy and slow, intimate, grounds them both instantly like cinder blocks in water. His lips move against his until he can’t anymore, until his lungs demand oxygen and his chest starts to ache. Blaine smiles against his lower lip, nips, runs his thumb over Sebastian’s cheekbone and memorizes the tiny freckles speckling parts of his skin.

He remembers the first time he ever saw him; a slow smirk and charming smile that told him Sebastian was very beautiful but also equally dangerous.

Sometimes he wonders how he’s fallen so hard and so fast for Sebastian Smythe. Someone he never thought he could be friends with, someone he thought he actually _couldn’t stand_ at one point.

But when he thinks about the way his mouth tastes when he kisses him, how he _moans_ when Blaine’s tongue slides down the vein on his cock, the gentle touches he feels sometimes in bed when Sebastian thinks he’s asleep, the warmth of his breath on his cheek, eskimo kisses and forehead kisses and things he’s pretty sure he’d never be able to forget about—Blaine knows _exactly_ how.

Sebastian presses a kiss to the tip of his nose, his hands traveling down his sides, under the soapy water which makes the shorter shiver. “What are you thinking about?”

Blaine smiles, nuzzling their noses gently. “You.”

There’s no snarky commentary like he thinks there might be. Instead Sebastian just keeps kissing him until the water grows cold.

 


	9. Spring

SPRING

The first thing that breaks through to his consciousness is warm kisses trailing down the knobs of his spine, a nose tickling the skin right below his hairline as he lies on his stomach, face still buried in his pillow.

“Are you sure you have to go to class?” Sebastian asks, his voice heavy and thick with sleep. Blaine hums into the puffy fabric, barely awake, eyes refusing to open.

He scrunches his nose after a moment, a yawn slipping from his lips as he runs a hand through his curls. At least this morning Blaine feels less congested than last night. For someone who’s never had allergies in the spring, there’s something in the New York air this season that’s been playing havoc with his nose and eyes. He had gone to bed, nose red from sneezing, eyes watery and slightly miserable. Sebastian just kept making unhelpful comments about how ‘adorable’ he looked with a red tinged nose and throwing unused tissues at him.

“It’s only an hour or so lecture,” Blaine says after a few minutes of comfortable silence, soft kisses and touching skin. “but you should get going too. You won’t forgive me if you miss a deposition observation because you can’t get out of bed.”

The taller smirks and turns him over quickly, Blaine letting out a short surprised whine of protest. A kiss is stolen from his lips before he can say anything else. “I’ll forgive you if a blowjob makes up for it.”

The shorter tickles his ribs in response, making Sebastian lean up off his body. Blaine almost regrets it, instantly missing the warmth of his skin. But they _do_ have to get out of bed at some point.

“You’re becoming some sort of good influence on me.” Sebastian teases after managing to stop Blaine’s wandering hands against his side, he absentmindedly laces the fingers of their one pair of hands. “Making sure I get my class observation hours on time.”

“Yeah well,” He presses one last kiss to Sebastian’s lower lip before slowly sitting up. “I have to somehow balance out all of your bad influence.”

His boyfriend grins, leaning onto his side as he watches Blaine pull himself from bed, completely naked. Sebastian hums appreciatively, eyes tracing over every curve of his body as he walks to the bathroom and turns the shower on. “That’s not what you were saying last night. In fact, I’m pretty sure my so called ‘bad influence’ was encouraging a response that sounded a lot like ‘Please Sebastian, plea—”

Blaine successfully cuts him off by throwing a towel at his face.

~~

It’s raining, which isn’t the biggest shock of the spring season. In fact, the very moment it stops sprinkling or dripping water on practically every surface of New York is when Blaine feels surprised. It’s not like the rain has ever bothered him anyways, always a great opportunity for him to wear his boat shoes and pick an umbrella out.

These are the best days to hole himself up at the library or at home in bed and do his assigned readings (or watch an episode, or two, of a series on Netflix). But today he has something different in mind, the warmth and comfortableness he’s seeking isn’t coming from a cozy hole in the wall between stacks of books or the fabric of his comforter.

He wants a strong cup of medium brew and a soft kiss from his boyfriend.

Blaine intends on getting both, he memorized Sebastian’s school schedule until it’s familiar like the back of his hand and he knows he has a break coming up between classes in about an hour. Perfect amount of time for him to make it to the Columbia campus with a short subway ride and quick walk. The pouring rain sets him a little off track, especially after he stops at Starbucks for the cups of coffee. He tries to find a balance between keeping his satchel on his shoulder, holding a tray of scalding coffee and keeping his umbrella from turning inside out.

Sebastian will be at one of the student lounges near the Law building, he’s visited him there countless times before. He pauses outside the entrance to get himself together and close his umbrella, glancing up at the sky as he does. Rain always has a certain way of playing with the cloud’s colors, his entire surroundings a hue darker from the dampness. The rainclouds above him play tag between dark blues and gray, some fading white stuck somewhere in-between.

He lets out a short breath and poises the coffee against the palm of his one hand while the other touches the material of his cloud blue shorts and black polo, checking to see if the rain has done any damage to his clothes from walking in it the past half hour. When he’s satisfied to realize it’s not as bad as he thought, Blaine pushes the door open to the lounge with his shoulder and maneuvers himself inside.

There are students from all walks of college life sprawled out at tables, books open, laptop screens bright and attentive as they highlight material or scribble out notes. He tries to walk as quietly as he can through even though his shoes keep squeaking against the tiled floor and makes his way towards the sets of rooms with couches, coffee tables and stacks of reference books. The ceilings are high and elegant, mostly everything tinged with dark cherry wood, the prestige and esteem of the place as a whole almost reminding him of Dalton in a way that he nearly feels at home here. Comfortable.

Blaine turns a corner and heads down a hallway, smiling a little as he can hear Sebastian’s voice up ahead, animated about a project he has to finish in a few weeks. Something to do with all the observation hours he’s been clocking in at a law firm in the heart of Manhattan. He stops in his tracks, almost slipping thanks to the rubber of his soles, when he hears another voice answer him back.

Jack’s voice.

The shorter pauses right outside the corridor, can’t help it, and suddenly he feels like he’s in high school all over again. Newly transferred to Dalton, trying to find his way in the winding hallways and sets of stairwells, stumbling upon a conversation that has nothing to do with him, the same boy on the other side of the bricks and mortar that stood between them.

Jack clears his throat, a smile to his tone even though Blaine can’t see it. “Hey, do you…remember that time in Paris,” His voice grows softer to the point where Blaine has to strain his ears to hear him, he doesn’t want to step any closer to the entryway. “You and I spent the whole day together, living out of backpacks, drinking cheap sweet wine and eating baguettes that stuck out of our bags.”

Sebastian hesitates for a moment before, “Yeah. Of course I remember.”

But Sebastian isn’t the same boy he was; his voice isn’t cruel or dismissive. It’s not cold or jagged. It’s thoughtful, contemplative, soft and gentle even. Like he’s handling the memories they’re speaking of with great care.

“And then when we got back to my place…”

His boyfriend clears his throat, like he suddenly wants to be anywhere other than a part of this conversation.

And suddenly, Blaine gets it, just like that. Just from hearing Jack talk about Sebastian and their time together. He still _cares_ about him, maybe even loves him. For the first time, Blaine doesn’t blame him, he actually sort of understands. Understands the _pull_ Sebastian has on other people, how easy it is to fall into the sense of security his voice creates, the green pastures of his eyes, the warmth and roughness that his touch leaves behind.

“We ended up in the same place all over again.” Jack says softly, like there’s some sort of meaning underneath it all. “And that night was—”

“It was years ago,” Sebastian interrupts with a voice that’s just as quiet. “And as great as it was…” He trails off a moment and between the soft clicks of the second hand Blaine finds himself actually feeling _bad_ for Jack. “I didn’t love you, J.”

There’s a noise that sounds like a chair being dragged against wood, and maybe that’s Jack pushing himself back from the table he’s at with Sebastian. “But you love him.” His voice crackles at the edges. “You love Blaine.”

Hearing his own name seems to snap him out of just standing there, it’s only a matter of time before someone else wanders down the hall and sees him hovering outside the study lounge. Or _worse_ if Sebastian or Jack catch him eavesdropping.

Sebastian must do something that confirms a ‘yes’ to Jack’s statement without so many words because Jack’s voice when he speaks again is jagged and wounded, angry because he’s hurt.

“Tu veux me dire que petit _nain—”_ He’s not sure what he’s saying, only recognizes a few words just from hearing Sebastian talk but whatever it is, his boyfriend instantly bristles.

“Don’t _.”_ Sebastian warns, standing from the table and collecting his things, he can tell from the covers of books meeting pages again and notebook paper shuffling.

Blaine slowly backs up in the hallway, their voices echoing against his eardrums as he makes his way back to the main entrance and rows of tables.

“You’ll never end up working in the long run, Sebastian.” Jack comments, switching back to English, his voice thick with his accent because he’s upset. “You two might as well be summer and winter.”

There’s contemplation and hesitation there because maybe Jack’s right in a way. Maybe Blaine can be as bright as sunshine and as warm as humidity kissing skin where Sebastian can be as cold and unforgiving as frost, bitter and captivating like an endless snowfall.

But then, “Maybe we are different.” Sebastian comments, a sense of finality in his voice. “But I think that’s exactly _why_ we work.”

Blaine is gone by the time Sebastian gathers the rest of his things and heads down the hallway, leaving Jack behind.

~~

“Hey I just got your text,” Blaine looks up from a table he’s settled at as Sebastian approaches him, a soft smile on his lips. “You weren’t waiting here long were you?”

The shorter shakes his head, pressing a cup of coffee towards him. “Not long enough to be picked up by any strapping lawyers,” He teases. “It might be a little lukewarm by now, sorry.”

Sebastian sets his bag down on the table, a few students clearing out around them needing to make their afternoon classes. He shrugs before picking up the cup of coffee and taking the lid off before he sips a few times. His boyfriend doesn’t mention Jack and Blaine doesn’t try and bring him up, if Sebastian wants to talk about it he will.

“Do you still have some time before class?” Blaine asks, standing and brushing the palms of his hands over his wrinkled shorts.

“Mhm,” Sebastian hums out, a quirk of a smile on his lips as he watches him before their eyes meet. Blaine smiles back, standing up on his toes to eskimo kiss their noses together, regardless of the few people in the room with them.

He doesn’t care.

And neither does Sebastian, apparently, as he wraps his arms around his waist and draws him closer.

“And what do you think we should do to pass the time, Anderson?” His fingers squeeze his sides, snaking lower, playing with the belt loops on his shorts. He can _feel_ him breathing, their chests pressing together, the thrum and warmth of blood pumping in Sebastian’s veins.

Blaine grins, shaking his head as his cheeks dot pink. He brushes his lips over Sebastian’s lower one before a soft laugh crawls out of his throat. “Are you suggesting we find an empty study room to fool around in?”

Sebastian just smirks, pressing a soft and intimate kiss to his lips regardless of how simple it is. “Well it certainly wouldn’t be the first time.”

 


	10. A Beginning

000

Blaine sits in a café right off NYADA’s campus on a dismal Tuesday.

But the thing about gloomy days is that they don’t bother him, not really. Some people allow the grayness of clouds and the cool waves that rain sometimes brings with it wash over them and alter their personality. They can become as miserable as blotted out sunlight, as oppressed as low hanging clouds. He sometimes actually _likes_ days like this, rainy days with thick fog that settles over everything like the sky is kissing the earth. There’s something about evergreen tops of trees pressed against bluish gray skies that pull him in every time, something about rain washing things away and feeling like you can start fresh after the sun comes back out and dries up all the puddles.

Summer is on the cusp of spring but the café itself is quiet, everyone choosing to do their final projects, papers and test studying on campus or at a library. Blaine glances down at the outline of his almost finished assignment for his music theory class, distracted, the seconds on a clock seeming to tap consistently against his ribcage.

He’s waiting for Sebastian to get done with his final, they’re supposed to meet and go out for dinner, something they haven’t been able to do in a while with the both of them being so busy finishing out the semester. Blaine finally just sighs and shuts his notebook, closing his laptop and effectively putting it to sleep before standing. He stretches out his stiff limbs and decides on a refill of his medium drip, moving to wait in the small line of one or two people.

Blaine pauses as he feels familiar warmth against his back, already knowing it’s Sebastian before the taller leans down and whispers in his ear from behind. “You think my boyfriend would be mad if I bought a handsome stranger a refill on his coffee?”

He smirks and turns around, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s waist. “That depends. Are you going to kiss said handsome stranger too?”

“I don’t know, depends on how hot his ass is, to be completely honest.” Sebastian grins but that earns him a few fingers digging into the ticklish spot between his ribs. The taller squirms just slightly before he manages to stop Blaine, tugging him close instead for a kiss.

When Blaine pulls back, he presses the tip of his nose against Sebastian’s cheek, settles into his side as they wait in line for his refill. He breathes in slow and deep, picking up intermingling hints of coffee and the other’s cologne. He glances to his right, almost over his shoulder, as he hears a familiar voice even though he can’t quite place it: from a lecture? A class? A party?

But it’s none of those things. It’s _Kurt_ and he’s with someone else, a friend or boyfriend he’s not sure. This shouldn’t be as surprising as it feels; they both live in New York, they both go to the _same_ school. He actually finds himself wondering how running into him hasn’t happened already. It seems the moment his eyes land on him, Kurt’s instinctively look up and find his. And they lock.

Both say nothing, neither move, Kurt just follows the long lines of Sebastian’s back and knows instantly who Blaine is tangled up with. Sebastian isn’t paying attention, he’s reading over the menu and murmuring something about there being too many flavors of frappuccions before he turns a little and absentmindedly presses a kiss to the side of Blaine’s head. Something so natural between them, gentle and intimate regardless of how small.

The last time he and Kurt had spoken in what feels like eons ago in his Dalton dorm it hadn’t ended well, Blaine had hung up on him. They hadn’t tried to talk or apologize to one another since. He’s not quite sure what he expects from this interaction, but it’s not Kurt meeting his eyes again and simply…nodding.

Like he approves—no, like he _understands_ before he just simply smiles and leaves the café with his friend.

Blaine slowly turns his attention back to what’s happening in front of him, everything suddenly feeling far too full circle to be real. Because here he is, in a café, on a Tuesday and Kurt and Sebastian are both there.

Except this time it’s not an ending.

“Do you think I could flirt the barista into making this a _free_ refill?” Sebastian looks down at him and grins. “She’s been giving me the eye for the past five minutes.”

“You know that’s not going to work everything,” Blaine chuckles, his hand playing with the bottom of Sebastian’s shirt before sneaking his hand underneath to feel the warm muscles of his back. “Like at dinner tonight you probably won’t be able to flirt our waiter into giving us free appetizers.”

“Ye of little faith.”

“Ye of big ego.”

Sebastian tugs him closer playfully, squeezing his ass with one hand before stealing a kiss. His lips are soft, and warm, all his. “That’s alright. I’m not big on threesomes anyways. They require sharing.” Their noses brush before a last thoughtful kiss is planted against the corner of Blaine’s mouth.

The shorter just smiles, leaning against Sebastian’s tall frame. “Me neither.” He whispers.

It’s a beginning.

 


End file.
